To the Fuedal Era!
by Shadow Jaganshi
Summary: YYH-InuYasha crossover... Muwaha. By 'mistake' the YYH gang ends up going down the well at Higurashi Shrine... Much torture in store for certain demons... Muwaha.
1. Bull Shitake Mushroom Sandwiches

**Friendly warning: I wrote this entire chapter at Eclipse's house. We have practically the whole story planned out. It will be very strange and scary, and if this damn baby spider doesn't get off this computer screen right now I'm gonna kill it. Stupid insect. My wrath of doom shall damage its tiny brain. Muwaha!**

**CHAPTER ONE  
**Bull Shitake Mushroom Sandwiches!

"I'mmm sooooo bored..." Shadow whined.

"Aren't we all?" Eclipse asked, kicking a rock. Kurama glared.

"You guys need to get out and discover the world. There's more interesting stuff on Earth than _video games_."

"This isn't the world, this is Japan. And besides, I think video games are much more interesting than old _shrines_," Shadow said, sticking out her tongue. Kurama groaned.

"Well _you_ _would_, Shadow, because you're not religious and you don't care about history."

Hiei, Yusuke, and Kuwabara had been dragged along on Kurama's educational trip because Shadow had threatened them with their lives if they didn't. They were just as bored, if not more, by all the rambling historical people who'd been giving them information at each stop.

"That's exactly it. So why'd you pick this topic of all of them to try to educate me on?"

"Because it's _interesting!_" Kurama snapped. Shadow cowered away.

"Yessir."

"I don't think it is," Eclipse said bitterly. "I could be vegetating right now!"

"Fresh air does you good," Kurama said.

"You call this air fresh? You don't know the meaning of 'fresh air,'" Shadow said.

"I don't know _your_ meaning. Anyway, we're coming up on Higurashi Shrine. That's the last one, so stop your complaining," Kurama said.

Shadow looked up ahead. "More stairs!!! I swear, if I ever have to go up stairs again in my life, I'll kill myself."

"Shadow... You have to go up stairs to get to your room," Hiei pointed out.

"Shut up!"

Finally, about twenty years later, when they finally got up all the stairs (Shadow and Eclipse complaining all the way), an old man came running up to them.

"Ah, you're the sightseers who called, aren't you!" he said. Kurama nodded, smiling kindly.

"Yes."

Shadow and Eclipse, meanwhile, were standing off to one side, their heads lolling on their shoulders, drooling all over the place, their eyes rolled back in their heads.

"Ellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll..." they groaned. Yusuke hit them both.

"Stupids! At least act interested! You're gonna tick off the old geezer!" he hissed.

"Do we care?" Eclipse asked.

"Really!" Shadow added.

"Right this way," the old man was saying. Kurama grabbed Shadow and Eclipse by the backs of their necks and followed the man. He led them to a small building. Inside, they discovered some stairs. Just a few, leading down to a well.

"STAIRS! AHHHHH!" Shadow howled.

"Stairs leading _down_," Yusuke pointed out.

"I ain't goin' down 'em. cuz then i'll have to come back up 'em, and I ain't gonna do that," Shadow said, crossing her arms. The old man was talking about some legend attached to the well.

"According to legend, this well is a portal to a whole different world, full of demons and monsters!"

"Demons?!" Kuwabara said, startled.

"Really?!" Eclipse and Shadow said in unison, blocking out Kuwabara. They both instantly jumped the stairs and looked into the well.

"It doesn't look like nothing special..." Shadow said. Eclipse nodded, then snickered. She grabbed Shadow's shoulders and pushed her forward, keeping a hold on her at all times, then jerked her back and let go.

"Saved your life!" she said, smirking. Shadow lost her balance and went headfirst into the well, snagging Eclipse's wrist and pulling her in as well. The guys all crowded around and stared down it.

"Or not," Hiei said in response to Eclipse's 'saved your life.'

"They're gone..." Yusuke said.

"WELL DON'T JUST STAND THERE!" Kuwabara said. "We've got to save the weak girls!"

Hiei laughed. "They're not weak." However, Kuwabara had already swung his legs over and dropped into the well.

"Well then... Sorry about all this, old man," Yusuke said to the old guy, jumping into the well after Kuwabara. Kurama and Hiei shrugged and followed.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the well, Shadow and Eclipse were sitting there staring at each other.

"Where are we?" Shadow asked.

"Apparently we're at the bottom of the well," Eclipse said.

"HEY STUPIDS! CAN YOU HEAR ME?" Shadow hollered up. Then she stared for a minute. "Why's there blue sky up there? There was a roof over the... Oooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Crap."

She didn't have a chance to explain her 'oh crap' as Yusuke and Kuwabara both fell on top of them, followed shortly by Hiei and Kurama.

"Where are they?" Kuwabara asked, standing up and dumping Hiei off him.

"I think we're on top of them," Kurama said. They all instantly jumped up and found two flattened girls on the ground under them.

"Oops," Hiei said dryly.

"YEAH YOU BETTER OOPS!" Shadow screamed, jumping up and punching him.

"Oww..."

"Why did you two idiots have to jump through the well?" Kurama snapped. "That was the crowning stupid acheivement of your lives!"

"I didn't jump!" Shadow said. "She pushed me!"

"I did not!" Eclipse retorted.

"Bull Shitake Mushroom Sandwiches!" Shadow snapped, slapping Eclipse in the head.

"You hit me!"

"I did not," Shadow mocked.

"Bull!"

"Where?"

"You're stupid!"

"KIDS! Could we concentrate on getting out of this at the moment?" Kurama asked. Shadow and Eclipse smiled innocently, clasping their hands behind their backs.

"Yes sir!" they said simultaneously.

"Now..."

"We could just jump," Hiei said.

"_You_ could! But what about these two weak and helpless girls?" Kuwabara said.

That's a big oops.

"WEAK AND HELPLESS, ARE WE?!" the girls screamed. Half a minute later, a severely mauled Kuwabara was being stood on by the two girls.

"Now, how should we go about getting out of here?" Shadow asked, acting like she and Eclipse hadn't just nearly killed Kuwabara.

"Well... What about a human ladder? We would all stand on each others' shoulders, and..." Yusuke said. Hiei looked at the odd assortment of sizes and shapes and strengths of people crushed into the small bottom of the well.

"I don't think that'll work..."

They were oblivious they were being watched.

"Well, other than jumping, how else could we get out?!" Yusuke snapped. "You think of a better idea!"

"Well... We could brace ourselves against one wall and walk up it... Y'know, like..." Shadow attemped to show them what she meant and promptly fell back down, knocking over Eclipse onto Kuwabara and sitting there on her back. Kurama groaned.

"Or you could just use the vine," somebody said. They all snapped around to look up and see four faces peering down at them from the top of the well. Kurama noticed a vine hanging next to his shoulder.

"_That_ would work," he said, feeling stupid. "Shadow, Eclipse, you two can go first..."

"What, so you can stare at our butts as we go up? I don't think so," Shadow snapped. "You first, Fox."

"Shadow, I'm not going to--"

"Forget it," Hiei said, wrapping his arm around Shadow's waist and jumping out of the well. The four people at the top stared at him as he set Shadow down and turned to them.

It was an odd assortment of people: Two girls, one in a modern schoolgirl outfit and the other wearing a dress/kimono, and two guys, one in blue monk's robes and the second wearing all red, two dog ears poking out of his long white hair. One closer inspection, there was a fifth member of the group, a small child fox demon sitting on the schoolgirl's shoulder. A small two-tailed cat sat at the other girl's feet.

Kurama jumped out of the well carrying Eclipse, and a moment later Yusuke climbed up with Kuwabara draped over his shoulder.

"...Why didn't we think of that in the first place?" Shadow asked, making them all feel a whole lot stupider. They chose to ignore her.

"What happened to _him?_" the monk asked, pointing to Kuwabara. Shadow and Eclipse grinned widely.

"We pummeled him!" they said cheerfully. The monk sweatdropped, making a mental note to figure out why exactly they'd done that later.

"Who the hell are you people?" the dog-demon asked.

"Well who the hell are _you_?" Shadow asked, hands on her hips. The demon looked slightly startled.

Kurama stepped forward. "Pardon our rudeness. I'm Kurama. My companions and I seem to have... well... accidentally ended up here."

"How do six people accidentally end up jumping into a well-portal to the fuedal era...?" the monk asked. Kurama chuckled nervously.

"It's a long story."

"She pushed me," Shadow muttered, still defending herself even though nobody was accusing anything.

"I did not," Eclipse retorted under her breath.

"Bull crap!" Shadow snapped quietly. They were oblivious that everyone was watching them.

"I didn't!"

"YOU PUSHED ME AND YOU KNOW IT!"

"Umm... Shadow?" Yusuke said, pointing. She suddenly became aware they were all staring.

"Oh. Oops."

"How did you get through the well? Ordinary humans can't do that," the schoolgirl asked.

"They're obviously dangerous, then," the dog-demon snapped, stepping in front of the group. "Who are you?"

"We don't want to hurt anyone..." Kurama said. He opened his mouth to say something else when a huge creature came barreling out of the forest at the group. Everybody lunged away as it slashed at the white-haired demon.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" Shadow screeched. "Evil! It's evil and evil and even eviler than that!" She ran off into the forest waving her arms like a lunatic. Hiei cursed and darted after her. Kurama was momentarily distracted by this and barely managed to dodge the creature's attack. Everybody was scattered all over the small clearing, except Shadow, Hiei, and Eclipse, who'd apparently followed Shadow into the forest. Yusuke had dragged Kuwabara into the edge of the forest, because he was still rather incapacitated by Shadow and Eclipse's beating.

The dog-demon drew a huge sword and slashed at the creature, putting a deep gash in its stomach and causing it to howl in pain. Kurama watched as the girl in the kimono flung a giant boomerang at it and cut off one arm on the throw and the second on its return. She slid back several feet when she caught the weapon.

The creature, howling in pain, fell over and the dog-demon finished it off by beheading it. The end. Well, it was certainly the end for the demon creature, but there's plenty more of this story left, so sit down and shut up.

"Umm... I seem to have lost half my group," Kurama muttered, looking around. He started into the forest.

"Hey, wait!" The girl in the green and white school uniform came running after him. He stopped and turned.

"Yes?"

"I still want to know how you got through the well. And how did you end up at Higurashi Shrine in the first place? I don't know any of you... And I know you don't know my family..."

Kurama stared cluelessly. "It really is a long story."

"I've got time."

"I don't. Well, I do, I just have to find my friends first..."

"Kagome!" The white-haired demon came stalking up to her. "It's none of our concern."

"Yes it is!"

He groaned. Kurama laughed nervously. "Sorry to trouble you."

"You're a demon!" the white-haired man said. He drew his sword. "What were you doing at Kagome's house?"

Kurama put his hands up in front of his chest. "I'm harmless! Really! Put away your sword, I'll explain!"

"InuYasha, I sense no evil about him," the monk said.

_Well, I've got two of their names so far..._ Kurama thought. He cast a glance over his shoulder into the forest. _Where's Shadow?_

"Fine! Explain!" InuYasha snapped. Kurama stared into the forest behind him a minute more before turning back to the group.

"Well--"

"KURAMAAAAAAAA! HIEI WANTS TO KILL ME!" Shadow came flying out of the forest beside him and slammed into him, wrapping her arms around him and knocking him off balance so he stumbled into a tree. She hid her face against his chest as Hiei came stalking up behind her.

"That girl..." he snarled, "is going to die."

"NOOOOOOOO!" Shadow howled, hugging Kurama tighter until he gagged for breath.

"Let go..." he choked.

"He's gonna kill me!!!"

"No he's not, now would you get off me?!" Kurama growled, trying to pry her off.

"He's gonna kill me, yes he is, he wants to kill me!"

"What did you do to her?!" Kurama snapped at Hiei.

"I threatened to kill her."

"Oh. Well that explains it!" Kurama snarled.

The monk stepped forward, patting Shadow on the shoulder.

"Please, young lady, calm down. Nobody here is going to hurt you," he said. Shadow stared at him for a second, then lunged at him and hugged him (big mistake).

"Monk!"

Suddenly InuYasha and the rest of his group looked rather... worried.

"Uh-oh," the little shoulder-fox said.

"Hey... Where's Eclipse?" Kurama asked. Yusuke, meanwhile, had gotten Kuwabara to wake up and they were walking towards the group.

"Eclipse? I dunno. I thought she was with you," Hiei said.

"Yusuke, have you seen Eclipse?"

"Who? Oh! Uh, no, I haven't, not since she ran into the forest..."

"Well... That's peachy."

"It doesn't matter!" InuYasha snapped. "Tell me why you're here! You're demons, all of you!"

"But they aren't evil!" the monk added cheerfully, his arm around Shadow.

"Shut up, Miroku!" InuYasha snapped. "And let that poor girl go."

"I didn't do anything!" he said, holding his hands up. Hiei took the opportunity to grab Shadow by the back of her shirt and jerk her away from Miroku. She fell over and stared up at him, completely motionless.

"You _killed_ her," Kurama said flatly.

"Good," Kuwabara said. Shadow's eyes flicked over and narrowed.

"You say something, dipshit?"

"What'd you call me?"

"Dipshit."

"Shut up, you're dead," Hiei snapped, jabbing her in the ribs with his boot.

"Ow!" Shadow yelped, latching onto his leg.

"Shouldn't we be looking for Eclipse?" Yusuke asked.

"No! You should be explaining to us what you're doing here and how you demons got into Higurashi Shrine!" InuYasha snapped.

"I'm gonna go look for Eclipse," Shadow said, jumping up and walking into the forest. "See ya, suckers!"

InuYasha snarled as Shadow's friends followed after her.

"Come on, InuYasha! We can't just let them wander around alone," Miroku said.

"I think you probably have other motivation behind that," the little fox said.

"Let's go," InuYasha snapped. "I still want to know who they are."

And so, they set out on a quest to find Eclipse.

And they found her, ten minutes later, wading waist-deep in muddy water.

"Hey Eclipse!" Shadow hollered from the shore of the pond. The girl ignored her.

"Froggy... Froggy... Froggy..." Eclipse was muttering.

"Oh God. She's found a frog," Kurama said.

"InuYasha! I sense a shard of the Shikon Jewel!" Kagome said suddenly, grabbing his arm.

"Where at?!"

"The what?" Yusuke asked at the same time.

"It's right there..." Kagome said, pointing towards Eclipse.

"The what?" Yusuke repeated. InuYasha started towards Eclipse.

"Okay, girl, hand over the Shikon shard!"

"Froggy?" Eclipse asked, looking at InuYasha. Then she snapped her attention back to the water, where the frog was jumping towards shore. She lunged after it. "FROGGY!"

The frog, unusually fast for a frog, came flying out of the water and hopped between everyone's feet and into the forest. Eclipse shot after it, plowing over InuYasha in the process and covering him with muddy bootprints.

"Eclipse!" Shadow yelled, chasing after her. InuYasha swore loudly several times before chasing after her.

"GIMME THAT SHIKON SHARD!" he screamed.

"InuYasha, it's not her that has the shard! It's the frog!" Kagome said.

"The _frog_?"

"It must have swallowed it," Miroku said, running with the group.

"No duh!" Shadow said.

They found themselves in a clearing.

"Uhhhh... Where is she?" Shadow asked.

"We lost her," Miroku said.

"No, ya think?"

Just then, Eclipse came shooting into the opposite side of the clearing with her arms outstretched, the frog hopping speedily in front of her. The frog jumped over Shadow's foot and went towards InuYasha. He impaled it with the Tetsusaiga. Eclipse let out a wail and stopped so fast she tripped over Shadow and crashed into Miroku, knocking him over and ending up lying on top of him with her head on his stomach. He lay there, spread-eagled and staring up at the sky.

"Well, Miroku's not having any problems with _these_ girls," the second girl said.

"Problems? That's just because he hasn't made them mad yet," Kagome replied. She bent down and picked up the Shikon shard from the mauled corpse of the frog.

"Nooo! You killed the froggy!" Eclipse bawled. "You frog murderers!"

"Oh, not this again," Shadow groaned. "Let me guess, you're gonna--"

"I MUST LIBERATE THE FROGS!" Eclipse said, jumping up. She pulled Miroku to his feet. "Will you help me liberate the frogs?"

"Ummm..."

"Just ignore her," Shadow said, dragging Eclipse away from Miroku. She got close to him and whispered behind her hand, "She's just a little insane... Not quite right in the head, y'know?"

"Ah..." Miroku said.

"YOU DARE INSULT ME?" Eclipse screamed, kicking Shadow. She stumbled and slammed into Miroku (boy, he's sure getting a lot of attention... They don't know how he is yet...), then spun around and glared at Eclipse.

"YES, I DARE! YOU DARE TO DARE ME TO NOT INSULT YOU?"

"UMMM... WHATEVER YOU SAID!"

"I ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE, WEAK MORTAL! MUWAHA! En Guard!" She put up her fists in a boxer stance. Eclipse copied her. They then started a mock fight, not touching each other even once but faking their injuries very well.

"Are you sure they aren't both totally insane?" the other girl, whose name has not been said yet, said.

"What's your name again?" Hiei asked.

"Sango," she said.

"Well, Sango, let me tell you. I've known Shadow for over two years now, and she's most definitely got something wrong with her. Quite insane, yes. But she can be normal. If need be... Which need be not very often..." Hiei said. "And Eclipse, I'm still not sure about her... But they're best friends. You may not be able to tell, but they are."

"Oh..." Sango said.

"Soo... Are they ever gonna stop?" the little fox asked.

"Once their fake injuries accumulate to something that would knock them out, they will, but that could be a while," Kurama said.

"Watch this," Hiei said. He made a gun with his fingers and 'shot' at Eclipse. "Bang."

"AHHHH!" she wailed, holding her 'injury.' "He shot me!"

"I win!" Shadow said, jumping up and down with her fist in the air. Hiei aimed his 'gun' at her head.

"Oh yeah?"

"DON'T SHOOT!" she wailed, putting her hands in front of her like a sheild and cringing away.

"Bang," Hiei said, 'shooting' her.

"OH, MY STOMACH!" Shadow cried, grasping her stomach. She fell to her knees. "Oh my God! I'm going to die! Gaaaaaaack! Cough! Cough! Hack!" She made a variety of strangled noises, clawing at her throat like she was being strangled, then fell forward onto her hands and knees, faking that she was spitting up blood, then dropped to her side with an 'oof!' and lay there wailing and twitching. Then she jumped up (obviously she's never died before...) and grabbed Miroku's shoulders, shaking him back and forth.

"I'M DYING! DON'T YOU _CARE_?" She shook him a bit more before letting go and spinning in a full circle, then collapsing and laying there gagging and strangling some more, twitching and rolling around. Miroku stood there with swirly eyes from being shaken, swaying.

"What's her problem?" InuYasha asked, leaning over to Yusuke.

"Don't even ask unless you have about two years to spare for me to list them all..."

"... Never mind then," InuYasha said quickly.

"...And I'll be dead! And dead! And _deader _than THAT, even!!!" Shadow was saying.

"JUST DIE ALREADY!" Hiei said, 'shooting' her about four more times.

"Gack!" Shadow said, going limp.

"Finally..." Hiei muttered. Everybody was staring at her. Eclipse had long since 'died' and was lying there rotting.

"Umm..." Kagome said.

"You just have to ignore them," Hiei said. "Honestly. They're nuts."

"I'd noticed," Miroku muttered.

"So!" Kurama said, clapping his hands together to attempt to bring attention to something else and help them forget what they'd just seen. "We never got official introductions!"

"Oh... Sorry!" Kagome said, shaking her head to try to forget Shadow's insanity. "I'm Kagome. This is Shippou, InuYasha, Miroku, Sango, and Kirara. Nice to meet you."

"Speak for yourself," InuYasha muttered, pouting. Hiei snorted. Kurama attempted to ignore his comment and introduced everybody but Shadow and Eclipse, because they'd gotten enough attention already.

"So you never got around to explaining how and why you're here," InuYasha said. Kurama sighed.

"Well..." And he told the long, boring, strange story of how they ended up in a well in fuedal Japan. Then he told them that they were indeed demons and talked about Makai for a while. He talked a lot about a lot of stuff that had stuff to do with stuff and at the same time was totally inconsequential to anything that may ever effect anyone's life. InuYasha and the others had said absolutely nothing about themselves or what the Shikon jewel was or anything of that sort.

"Soo... What kind of demons are you?" Sango asked.

"Oh. I'm a spirit fox, Hiei's a fire demon. Yusuke's half demon... Kuwabara's human, but he has strong spiritual powers. And those two.." Kurama pointed his thumb over his shoulder.

"Which two?" InuYasha asked.

"What?" Kurama turned and looked. Shadow and Eclipse were no longer lying 'dead' in the grass. "Where'd they go?!"

"Who cares," Hiei said, stretching. He flopped back in the grass. "It's getting dark. If they aren't smart enough to come back to our protection when it gets dark and there's psycho demon creatures all around, they deserve to get mauled..."

"You know you don't mean that, Hiei," Kurama said.

"Wanna bet?" Hiei said dryly, rolling onto his side and curling up with his eyes closed. "I'm goin' to sleep. You can go look for them if you feel the need, but I see no reason."

Kurama sighed and turned back to InuYasha.

"So what's this Shikon Jewel?"

Clearly he didn't feel any pressing need to go find those two dipsticks either...


	2. Fluffy!

**Chrisoriented-** Good God! If you're gonna do that in every review, I forbid you from reviewing my stories! You have no idea how horrified I was when I read your review. I sat there staring with my mouth hanging open in horror for five minutes. Going, "OH MY GOD!" So, now I update and if you dare go psycho vampiric throat-slitter when you review this chapter, I'll bludgeon you.  
**PicoPicoZufuChan-** They took off one of my stories before. Life goes on. Sorry. Anyway, I'm practically done with all my other stories, and I spent over 24 hours with Eclipse, and except for when we were sleeping (which we only did for five and a half hours... That's bad... Cuz she had me up at 2:00 talking about this story), this story is what we were talking about, and we have the entire thing planned and plotted, pretty much.  
**Robin Autumn-** It worries me when people say they almost died laughing. Cuz then I think something like, "Well if they don't review the next chapter instantly, that means they might have died! AHHH! Hide me! I had nothing to do with it!" Anyhow, I update! Eth...  
**Hedi Dracona-** Ahh, well you must keep your ass on your body, for someday you may regret losing it. (Um... I'm scared now...)  
**KumiHatari-** Hmm... Find, yes... Oh yeah, they find them... Sort of... Ahem. Just read.  
**Bar-Ohki-** Ahh... Welll... Ummm.... Not _exactly_... Random... Or evil... Or home... Yet... Maybe... Pet? Well... That's... Welll... Ummm... Heh heh heh... Can you tell where I'm going with this from the reply and the name of the chapter?  
**Nilkanowen-** I don't read crossovers, usually, cuz most of the ones I've read are lame... (If you've written a crossover fic, I probably haven't read it! I usually don't get past the summary. So don't take offense, anyone!) I just write them and put the lame stories to shame! Muwaha!  
**Sweetflowerli-** Well, I'm glad you liked it! I shall keep up my WONDERFUL authoring. I'm kidding. I like gloating to people who know me, but you people might take it the wrong way, like I'm saying I'm better than you, which I'm not.  
**C.C.C.-** I've wanted to do an IYxYYH story for a while, but I couldn't really think of much plot, but this just kinda all put itself together when me and Eclipse started talking about it.  
**kiinu-** Ummm... Cats don't talk... My dogs talk... But... Cats don't... Least, I've never met a talking cat... Well... Actually... Eclipse's cat communicates with me, just not through audible English words... I don't have a cat. I have dogs and rabbits and fish. I'm gonna get another hamster, too. They all talk to me. I can talk to any animal. I'M THE NEXT PET PSYCHIC! I've only ever met one animal that really hated me, and that was a cat. Stupid cat.  
**Rei Jaganshi-** DON'T YOU DARE DIE! I need to know how your stories end! Speaking of which, I need to go read... I think you posted a new chapter of one... But if you die, I'll have Kuwabara do CPR on you. You wouldn't like that, would you? So don't die! Oh, and if I don't update, who will the "something terrible" happen to? Me? Hiei? You? Innocent bystanders? Inuyasha?  
**xkuroxshinobix-** Yes, master! ...Or not. Anyway, here ya go!

**CHAPTER TWO  
**Fluffy!

"We'll spend the night here, then tomorrow we'll find Shadow and Eclipse if they don't come back tonight and we'll go home," Kurama said. "Sound like a plan?"

"We could just leave those two idiots here," Hiei said, his hands behind his head as he lay in the grass staring up at the stars.

"No! God no!" InuYasha said quickly. "Maybe Miroku would like that, but I wouldn't!"

"They wouldn't bother you... Just give them something shiny and they'll be content for hours..." Hiei said.

"They're like some kind of dog..." Yusuke said. InuYasha glared. "No offense, of course!"

InuYasha, however, was suddenly distracted. He stood up abruptly.

"We have company," he said. Then, upon spotting their company, he spat. "_Sesshoumaru!_"

"Hello, dear brother," the demon said, walking across the clearing. Everybody was instantly on guard, except Hiei and Kurama, who only showed mild interest in the dog demon.

"Brother?" Hiei said, one eyebrow raised slightly. Sesshoumaru regarded Hiei with the same mild interest and slightly raised eyebrows.

"New friends?" he inquired lightly, looking at InuYasha with curiousity. "Demons, though, not more pathetic humans..."

"Well, the big stupid one's a human," Hiei said, sitting up, a piece of straw hanging out of one corner of his mouth (Shadow's got him hooked on toothpicks... But he didn't bring any with him. They're addictive. Muwaha!). "But I'm a demon. I'm assuming you're not on friendly terms with your brother here?"

"_Half_ brother," InuYasha corrected.

"Whatever," Hiei said, brushing him off. InuYasha glared, not sure whether to glare at Hiei or Sesshoumaru.

"Well I'm proud of you, InuYasha," Sesshoumaru said sarcastically. "The company you keep has improved just slightly."

"What do you want, Sesshoumaru?" InuYasha snapped.

"I just wanted to check in on my little brother," the demon said with mock-innocence. "And the demons I sensed around him."

Hiei snorted. "Don't you feel loved, InuYasha. He's more interested in us than you."

"That's probably a good thing," Kurama said. "Sibling rivalries are usually worse than sworn enemies."

"So who are you?" Sesshoumaru asked. Hiei stood up and was about to answer when a strange noise echoed out of the forest.

"_Hut... hut..._"

It sounded like it was coming from all around them.

"_Hut hut hut hut hut!_" it said. Kuwabara looked terrified.

"We're surrounded! What sort of creature makes that noise?"

"_Hut hut hut hut!_"

"I don't sense any evil," Miroku said.

"And I don't scent any demons. Other than those ones," InuYasha said, waving his hand in the general direction of Hiei, Kurama, and Sesshoumaru.

The 'scary' noise continued for a few moments more while ten people and a two-tailed cat demon stood in silence, looking all around them, before suddenly it stopped and centralized to two points on either side of the clearing and slowed down. They suddenly recognized two familiar voices. Realization flooded everybody (except Sesshoumaru) at the same time and as one they slapped their foreheads with the palms of their hands.

"Oh God..." they said in unison.

Two girls dressed in black, wearing sunglasses, came somersaulting out of the forest on opposite sides of the group of nine (and a two-tailed cat demon). They stopped, ending up on one knee holding their finger-guns with two hands as they searched the clearing. They suddenly spotted each other, aimed, shot, and dropped dead in perfect unison, like mirror images. Sesshoumaru stared, not quite sure how to react.

Suddenly, both rolled over and stood up, saluted to each other, then spun (in unison, mind you) and saluted to Hiei, then Kurama, then InuYasha, then Miroku, then spun on their heels again to salute Sesshoumaru (even though they never met him before in their lives). They went to salute him and froze, stared, then simultaneously screamed, "FLUFFY!" and flew towards him, tackling him with hugs before he could get his brain to react over the initial shock of their insanity and draw his sword.

InuYasha stared, sweatdropping, his eye twitching, his entire face twitching, actually.

"Oh God. They're dead..."

Eclipse bent down and grabbed Sesshoumaru's legs and swung them up, knocking him over. Shadow caught his shoulders before he hit the ground and they lifted him above their heads. They flashed identical evil grins at the rest of the mob, saying, "Fluffy..." with an evil tone, then promptly carted him towards the forest.

"Or... not..." InuYasha muttered. "..._Fluffy?!_"

Sesshoumaru finally managed to gain control of his brain, however, before they got him to the forest.

"Let go of me!" he snapped, struggling.

"MY FLUFFY!" Shadow yelled. However, 'Fluffy' managed to roll to one side and knock both girls off balance. They fell over and he went face first into the ground. Instantly he pushed himself to his hands and knees and glared.

"You'll regret that..." he snarled, standing. Hiei darted over and put his arms in front of the girls, smiling innocently with a sweatdrop.

"No they won't, they're very sorry, and they'll never do it again!" he said.

"FLUFFY!" Shadow and Eclipse screeched, lunging but getting caught by Hiei's arm around their stomachs. They strained against him, arms outstretched towards Sesshoumaru. The dog-demon reached for his sword.

"No!" Hiei said, lunging to stop him and in the process releasing Shadow and Eclipse, who quickly made sure he did not draw his sword.

Shadow grabbed his spiked armor, pushed herself up, stepped on the armor, and sat on his head (why does she do that...?). Eclipse stared in awe for a second, then copied her and sat on _her_ head.

Well, poor Sesshoumaru had suddenly ended up with something like 200 pounds sitting on his head. Poor him. He went horribly off-balance and fell, sending both girls rolling across the clearing. They promptly crashed into Kurama and Miroku, nearly knocking them to the ground as well. Sesshoumaru was quickly on his feet and struggling with Hiei to get his sword drawn.

"Let me kill them!" Sesshoumaru was growling, straining as Hiei held his arms in a lock from behind. He started dragging the little fire demon behind him as he made his way towards the two psycho girls, his eyes lit up red.

"Fluffy approaches!" Shadow squealed, jumping up from where she'd ended up at Miroku's feet. "He looks unhappy."

"That's the biggest understatement any creature has ever said..." Miroku muttered, oblivious Shadow had been lying at his feet.

"I think it's even worse than _that_," Sango said.

"How are they still alive?" Shippou asked.

"They're gonna die," InuYasha said matter-of-factly, shrugging. "It's inevitable."

"Fluffy looks unhappy, Fluffy looks unhappy!" Shadow sang, skipping around him with a basket of pink flower petals, which she was throwing on Sesshie and Hiei as she skipped around them. Eclipse followed, singing background vocals and throwing confetti and streamers at them.

"GET THEM AWAY FROM ME! Let go of me!" Sesshoumaru snapped, struggling against Hiei.

"Help! Kurama!" Hiei yelped. However, Sesshoumaru broke away from Hiei's arm lock and lunged at Shadow. She vanished. Sesshoumaru spun around and made to lunge for Eclipse and found Shadow right in front of him. She startled him and he stumbled backwards.

InuYasha smirked. "This is actually kinda funny."

"It's rather unbelievable," Miroku said. "These two... lunatics... managing to survive Sesshoumaru uninjured longer than even InuYasha ever did..."

"Hey! Just shut up, Miroku! If he could draw his sword they'd be dead in a second!"

"The thing is, he _can't_ draw his sword..."

"Get away from me!" Sesshoumaru was saying, starting to get a whiney, horrified, tortured tone to his voice. Shadow was hugging him and nuzzling her head against that fluffy thing on his shoulder.

"Fluffy..."

"Help?" Sesshoumaru said pathetically, looking at Hiei.

"Hey, man, I'm not getting involved with this. She's your problem now," he said, holding his hands up then putting them in his pockets with a 'hn' smirk.

"Wait... Did _Sesshoumaru_ just ask for _help_?" Kagome said.

"Get off me!" Sesshoumaru whimpered, trying to pry Shadow off him. "Get off! Off!"

Eclipse was sitting nearby watching innocently with a bowl of popcorn (where'd she get that?!). Yusuke and Kuwabara wandered over and sat on either side of her, stealing some popcorn and watching with the same innocent interest.

"Um... I know you hate your brother and everything, but isn't there some stuff about 'deep down you really care about him' or something?" Kurama said to InuYasha. "This could be a life or death situation..."

"If those two girls can kill my brother, then he's weak and he deserves it. Besides, this is hilarious!" InuYasha said, smiling widely.

"But..."

"InuYasha, I do kinda feel bad for him..." Kagome said. "Sure he's horrible and everything, but..."

"Look at it this way, Kagome: If they were torturing _me_, would Sesshoumaru help me?"

"... Oh yeah. That's a good point..." she said.

Eclipse suddenly froze, staring, a piece of popcorn halfway to her mouth. Suddenly she squealed, "SHINYYYYY!" and jumped up, flinging the bowl of popcorn and running to Sesshoumaru to hug him.

"Get off me!" the demon said, trying to walk away. Shadow was holding onto him so tight that it was amazing he could still breathe. Then with the added weight Eclipse put on by latching on and hugging him made it even worse, but he kept trying to get away. Shadow slid down and clung to his leg, her arms and legs wrapped around his leg and her head nuzzled against his knee. Finally, he stopped and just stood there, shoulders slumped, looking horribly pathetic, and let out a whimper, practically a sob. Everybody stared for a minute before simultaneously bursting out laughing.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" he screamed.

"Oh dear God, yes it is," InuYasha said, lying on the ground from laughing so hard.

"There's no helping you now," Hiei said. "They might as well be handcuffed to you..."

Shadow and Eclipse's heads snapped up and they looked at Hiei with 'Oh my God that is such a good freaking idea!' looks, and a second later, they were handcuffed to Sesshoumaru, Shadow on his left, Eclipse on his right.

"Oh... My... God..." InuYasha said, trying not to laugh. He failed horribly and went into gales of laughter, rolling around on the ground holding his sides.

"What are these?!" Sesshoumaru asked, looking at his wrists in a horrified sort of way.

"Those are handcuffs, and unless you have the key, you're not getting them off anytime soon," Hiei said, smiling. Shadow held up the key.

"See key?" She stuffed it down her shirt. "No see key!"

Sesshoumaru let out another whimper. "I have better things to do than hang around with you people! Get these off me right now," he ordered.

"Sleepy time!" Shadow chirped, going totally limp and falling to the ground, pulling Sesshoumaru off balance and slamming him into the ground next to her, and this, in turn, dragged Eclipse to the ground, but she fell with a happy squeal and landed on her head.

"You've got to be kidding me," InuYasha said, suddenly not so happy anymore. "You mean as long as those two are here, so's he?"

"Looks that way," Hiei said dryly, returning to the flatted grass he'd been lying in before the entire incident. Out of all of them, he was least phazed by it all.

"I really pity you," Kurama said, looking down at Sesshoumaru and the two girls sprawled in the grass snoring (already) next to him.

"Gee, thanks... That's doing me a lot of good," the dog demon muttered, staring up at him. Kurama blinked, then walked away to flop down in his bed of grass.

"Well, good night, _Fluffy_," InuYasha taunted from across the clearing. Sesshoumaru snarled. InuYasha chuckled before jumping up into a tree.

Everybody got themselves bedded down. Hiei decided he'd rather sleep in a tree and jumped up and vanished into the branches of a nearby perty green tree.

. . .

The next morning, Hiei, Kurama, Yusuke, and Kuwabara went to the well while Shadow and Eclipse were sleeping. Sesshoumaru, however, was not asleep, and was instead sitting there looking thoroughly tortured. He obviously hadn't slept all night.

By the time the four boys got back, everybody else was awake (well, other than the two psycho girls, who sleep like bricks and tend to hibernate unless you say the magic words) and Kagome was making some breakfast.

"You guys leaving?" InuYasha asked. Kurama looked slightly troubled.

"No."

"Why not?"

"We have a lot of trouble with time travel at home," Hiei said. "Anybody who travels through time, intentionally or accidentally, ends up on my front porch, and, since I live with Shadow, I have no say in whether they stay with us or don't. They always stay with us." Hiei paused. "So Koenma sealed it..." (A/N: In the Wolf's Rain crossover, I think he said he would cuz he was sick of time traveling mistakes, well he sealed it so they couldn't get IN to the present, but he never said he'd seal it so they couldn't get OUT. I left that loophole on purpose.)

"You live with her?" Sesshoumaru asked, staring at Shadow, then Hiei. "God. That's horrible."

Kurama looked at Sesshoumaru, then transformed into Youko and walked over to him. "I'll get those off you."

"How?"

"Pick the lock," Youko said simply, pulling a bit of twisted metal out of his pocket. He grabbed the handcuff attaching Sesshoumaru to Shadow and started picking at it with the lockpick.

"I've almost got it, I think," he said after a minute.

"Breakfast's ready!" Kagome said. Shadow and Eclipse's eyes snapped open and they stared up at the sky with huge smiles on their faces for a split second, long enough for Youko to whimper a little, "Uh-oh!"

"BREAKFAST?" they squealed, sitting up. Before Shadow lunged at Kagome, she spotting Youko, still holding the handcuff and the lockpick, frozen, caught in the act of trying to save poor Fluffy.

"YOU DARE TO ATTEMPT THEIVERY OF MY FLUFFY?!" she bellowed, standing up and towering over Youko, who was kneeling on the ground next to Sesshoumaru.

"I wasn't _stealing_ him. God. I steal objects, not people," Youko said, pocketing his lockpick and backing away innocently.

Kagome dished everybody out some breakfast and they sat around watching innocently, eating their breakfast with chopsticks.

"Well then!" Shadow said, crossing her arms and jerking Sesshoumaru's hand up. He and Eclipse were still sitting on the ground. Poor Sesshoumaru was totally zoned out, busy dwelling in the prospect of how horrible this would be, and maybe how he could maybe possibly escape. However, he was suddenly jerked out of his trance as Shadow lunged at Youko, pulling him and Eclipse along with her as she bludgeoned the fox. Miroku watched, startled, his chopsticks halfway to his mouth.

"It's hard to believe she's dangerous with the way she's been acting..." he said.

"She's dangerous," Hiei said.

"Very dangerous," Yusuke added.

"I still have bruises," Kuwabara whined.

Finally, the cartoon dust cloud that Shadow and Youko had been in vanished, and they were slightly startled to see Shadow straddling Youko with her arms against his chest, getting right up in his face.

"And GUESS WHAT YOU GET! Since you're such a _nice_ fox boy, I got you a PERTY COLLAR!" Shadow clipped a cloth collar around his neck. "And look what came with it!" She pulled a small control out of her back pocket and pushed a button. Youko yelped like an injured dog and Shadow jumped off him.

"Ow! Shadow, _I_ felt that!" Eclipse whined. Shadow ignored her.

"I got you a PERTY _SHOCK_ COLLAR!" she said cheerfully. Then she added coldly, "You mess with me, and I will fry you."

Youko whimpered and twitched his perky ears. "Sorry ma'am!"

"Yeah, you better be sorr-- FOOD!" Shadow shot over to Kagome and stole the big pot of food right off the fire and carted it off to a corner of the clearing. She set it down and stared at her arms. They were red from the heat of the metal pot. She stared at them for a while, then slowly looked up at Youko.

"You made me burn myself," she said coldly, her eyes narrowed.

"No I-- Aaaaaack!"

Too late. Shadow had shocked him. He clawed at it.

"Don't touch! I'll put POST-IT NOTES ON YOU!"

"Post-it notes...?"

"You know, those thingymajiggers with the words on them...? Those doohickies that keep you from doing stuff?"

"Wards?" Hiei said.

"WARDEN, SHMOREDEN!" Shadow said, crossing her arms. "They're Post-it notes!" She blinked suddenly and looked to her right and gasped. "SESSHIE!!!"

Sesshoumaru groaned. Shadow plopped down in front of the pot of ramen and pulled out some chopsticks. Eclipse squealed and sat across from Shadow, pulling out her own chopsticks.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" they sang, inhaling it. The pot was nearly empty when Shadow stared at Sesshoumaru with puffed out cheeks and noodles hanging out of her mouth.

"Oo unt fum?"

The demon looked at her with disgust. "Speak a language I'll understand," he said. Shadow swallowed.

"FLUFFY EAT!" She held some noodles in front of his face with her chopsticks.

"Get away!" he said, pushing her hand away.

"Fluffy eat?" Eclipse asked, holding noodles up in front of him with _her_ chopsticks.

"No," Sesshoumaru said. "Get away from me."

"We can't!" they said in unison, holding up their chained wrists. "You chained yourself to us, remember?"

"Me?! I didn't do it! I wouldn't chain myself to you if it would save my life!"

"But you DID! And now we can't get away!" Shadow continued eating happily, oblivious Hiei was standing behind her. He bent down and tapped her on the shoulder.

"What if somebody else wanted more?"

"NOBODY ELSE EATS UNTIL FLUFFY DOES!" Shadow said, her mouth full therefore spitting noodles at Hiei. He looked horribly disgusted and punched Shadow in the head.

"Bakayarou..." He walked back to the rest of them to report that they were going to starve if Shadow had any say in it and if Sesshoumaru wouldn't eat.

"So what're we gonna do?" Yusuke asked. "We can't get home, and we have no extra clothes or food or anything..."

"And Shadow and Eclipse found a new victim," Hiei said. "They don't _wanna_ leave."

"RAMEN ALL GONE!" Shadow said, throwing the pot at Youko. He ducked and it slammed into InuYasha's head.

"Ow..."

"That's the first good thing you've done since I met you," Sesshoumaru said.

"COMPLIMENTE!" Shadow squealed. "Gracias, gracias!" She hugged him.

"Get off me..." he whimpered.

"Well then, Kagome, where's the next jewel shard?" InuYasha asked, snickering at his older brother's misfortune. Kagome concentrated for a moment, then pointed.

"I sense a lot in that direction! They're far away, though."

"That direction?" InuYasha said, looking.

"West?" Miroku said. (A/N: Eclipse says Sesshoumaru is 'lord of the western lands or something like that' but she's not sure, she says. For this, we'll say he is, in case he isn't. And on a side note, Jaken has gone on medical leave because of some injuries he sustained from a run-in with an angry weasel. He may or may not be back.)

"_West_?" Sesshoumaru said. "I'm not going."

"Well you aren't if they aren't," InuYasha said, pointing to the girls on either side of him.

"WE'RE GOING! Where are we going?" Eclipse asked.

"WEST!" Shadow said, thrusting her fist into the air.

"O-KAY!" Eclipse cheered.

"But what if _we_ aren't going?" Hiei asked. "Would you still go then?"

"YES!" Eclipse shouted.

"Why wouldn't you go?" Shadow asked, more to herself than Hiei.

"WE'RE GOING!" Eclipse said, oblivious.

"I mean, these people have been nice to us and they don't hate us and we're friends now! So why wouldn't we want to journey forth and do whatever the hell they're doing with them?" Shadow said.

"I have some reasons," Sesshoumaru growled.

"Let's hear them!" Eclipse and Shadow said in unison, cheerfully.

"First, because I refuse to go anywhere with _InuYasha_," the demon said.

"That's not very nice," Shadow muttered quietly, being ignored.

"Second, because I will not go anywhere with you two idiots chained to my arms..."

"Idiots?! We are not!" they protested, being ignored once again.

"And third, because I am Lord of the Western Lands and those fools aren't allowed to go there and so _therefore_... **Nobody's going**."

"If you don't hurry up we'll leave you behind!" InuYasha called, already at the opposite edge of the clearing, following the rest into the woods. "Come along, dear brother!"

Shadow and Eclipse squealed, jumping up and running to catch up with the group. "Don't leave us! Come on, Fluffy!"

**................................................**

**Well, I wrote this chapter at Eclipse's house as well as the first, but now I'm home... And I'm leaving on a sorta vacation tomorrow so I won't probably be back until Tuesday. Except a new chapter Wednesday if you're lucky. I'm also working on the final chapter of Work Sucks. That might be up Wednesday as well... For those of you yelling at me about Violent Debate being over, sorry, but DEAL WITH IT! Heh heh. Youko Jaganshi is probably gonna be updated after the rest... And it might be the last chapter of that, too. I know, you're mad now, aren't you. DEAL.**  
Incidentally, can you tell this is kinda gonna be a Sesshie-based fic...?


	3. Pink Bunny Rabbits

**I HAVE 23 REVIEWS TO REPLY TO! Gad. Happy I got so many, though. Maybe I just shouldn't reply. What do you think about that? Well it doesn't matter what you think! I'm replying whether you like it or not!**

**Hedi Dracona-** Well, that pretty much sums it up, yes.  
**Robin Autumn-** Heh heh... I also call him Sesshie... But that's not as bad as Fluffy.  
**Katana-Jake-** Glad you like it.  
**xkuroxshinobix-** Okay, okay. Jeez. I update! Wooop!  
**Draikitha-** Rin went poof. Thank you for clearing that thing up about the Lord of the West stuff... Or whatever... And... What did you mean by 'more than Shadow and Eclipse'? I'm having bad thoughts.  
**Saeble-** I doubt I'll get writer's block on this story... And if I do, Eclipse will have ideas. And... My Weasel Minions of Doom will conquer your friend's army of chipmunks!  
**Shessha's Crazy- **GOD, WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS DIE ON ME? If you ever die again, I'll kill you!  
**Chrisoriented-** If you come to my house... I'll... uh... Sick my sister on you. Believe me, she's scary. She's got natural fangs. So do I, but hers are worse.  
**Water-Rose-** ...Prequel? No, there wasn't a prequel... Why would you think that? Yeah... I have a feeling Sesshoumaru is pretty much dubbed "Poor Fluffy" from chapter two until the end of the story... Cuz a... Well, I don't wanna give it away... Muwahahaha... READ ON!  
**moogleboy64-** Yes, in thinking up this story me and Eclipse thought of that, and we just decided they'd had their memories wiped or something and maybe none of the readers would remember that, but obviously that wasn't so...  
**Amber-Immortal-** Because I said so! Grr! You people think of everything, don't you! Well so do I! And if he changed into his demon form, that would complicate the story! Grr! My mighty authoressness calls for OOC-ness, and OOC-ness I receive! Maha!  
**Rei Jaganshi-** Ahm... Ooooo-kayyy... I'm scared now.  
**Kaoru-the-kitsune-** Well he became mine for a period of time while I write this story, and let me tell you, HE'S A LOT SAFER WITH ME THAN HE WOULD BE IF I LET HIM OUT INTO THE FANGIRL MOB SURROUNDING MY HOUSE! After I finish this story, though... He's not mine... And... (Angry lawyers insist he's not mine to start with)...  
**Okami Youkai-** Muwaha. Well she'll find out when she gets back. And LET GO OF MY SESSHIE!  
**kiinu-** ::counting on her fingers, looking confused:: But cows are made of rubber! How else would they jump over the moon?  
**Nilkanowen-** Muwaha. I'm so evil, are I not...?  
**C.C.C.-** It doesn't suck to be me cuz I UPDATED WEDNESDAY! So ha.  
**feudalfairyfan4ever-** Oh yeah? Well cheese will someday rule your hometown, and THEN you'll regret what you've said! Muwahahahahahahahaha! When I'm the only one who can save you! Muwaha! Ahem. Anyway... Fluffy is temporarily in my possession while I write this story. He's being treated well. And when I finish this story and free him, you can be one of the many who tackles him the second he steps out the door...  
**inu-freak1116-** That describes me pretty well too...  
**Dark Renegade-** Maha! Glad you liked it. :D  
**Black Cat-** ::carts Sesshie off instantly, looking around with narrowed eyes:: _My_ Sesshie! Hiss!  
**Bar-Ohki-** Good, then you wait no longer! Here is next bit of insanity! (scroll down!)  
**kaida13-** There's a story behind the post-it notes. Eclipse was trying to think of what they were called, she said something like, "You know, those little pieces of paper, like..." And I'm just sitting there petting her cat and I'm like, "Post-it Notes?" Cuz I was unaware she was talking about anything that had anything to do with InuYasha. Then she elaborated and I got that she was talking about wards/talismans, but I still call them POST-IT NOTES! I know, when you think of them that way they aren't scary, are they... And no, only one other person confirmed that so I'm glad you decided to cuz if she hadn't and you hadn't I wouldn't have known.

**CHAPTER THREE  
**Pink Bunny Rabbits

"On the road again! Just can't wait to get on the road again!" two girls sang, parading down a forest path. Sesshoumaru groaned.

"We've been 'on the road' for over an hour and you have been singing that song THE ENTIRE TIME! Couldn't you sing something new? Or here's an idea: JUST SHUT UP ENTIRELY!" he snapped.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!" they sang, switching off between 'no's.

Sesshoumaru tugged at his handcuffs. "Let me go!"

Shadow and Eclipse started singing Bohemian Rhapsody (A/N: by Queen. There's this part about three minutes into the song... I was listening to it while writing this... I think). Sesshoumaru's eye twitched and he walked on in silence, desperately trying to keep his anger under control.

While the two girls paraded along cheerfully, practically dragging the unwilling Sesshoumaru, the other ten travelers hung back.

"This is really odd," Miroku said. "Last time we had a run-in with Sesshoumaru, he tried to kill us all..."

"Now he's letting those two girls just lead him around..." Kagome added.

"Those 'two girls' happen to be psychotic half-demon murderous idiots with no regard for anything except their own happiness..." Hiei informed them.

"Yeah, and it's not like he can do much," Youko muttered. He'd decided to stay in his demon form since it seemed this group attracted a lot of fights, what with their Shikon Jewel shards and all.

"You have no idea the extent of my brother's power. I think he's just biding his time, then he'll try to kill us all," InuYasha said. Hiei snorted.

"Key word: _try_. Besides, if those two lunatics have any say, which they seem to have a lot of say at the moment, Sesshoumaru's not going anywhere until they decide he can. Shadow and Eclipse are totally in control: They're chained to him, the only key is in Shadow's bra, and we're all either too cruel, too scared, or enjoying this too much to help him."

"True," everyone else agreed.

"Scared of who, though? Them or him?" Miroku asked.

"**Them!**" Yusuke said. "God! Why would we be afraid of some guy who lets himself be called _Fluffy_?"

"Because he's _scary_," Shippou said.

"And like I said, it's not like he can do much to _stop_ them from calling him Fluffy," Hiei pointed out. "They're in control."

"Oh yeah."

"I'm hungry," Shadow said, stopping abruptly.

"Me too," Eclipse agreed, also stopping.

"You two ate enough to feed all of us twice! Sesshoumaru didn't eat anything at all! If anyone should be hungry--"

"Shutup, Fox!" Shadow snapped, pointing the shocker at Youko and pushing the button. He twitched and glared at Shadow.

"Ow! Evil demon psycho girl!" Youko snapped. "Don't do that again."

"We've been working a lot harder than any of you people, burning our energy to restrain this wild, insane, bloodthirsty, murderous beast!" Shadow snapped, pointing at Sesshoumaru. Everybody stared at him.

"Doesn't seem to wild to me..." Kuwabara said.

"Yeah, he seems pretty harmless, letting you lead him around like a tamed dog. Are you sure he's bloodthirsty?" Yusuke asked.

"Just look at him, straining against his restraints! He's trying so hard to escape and kill you all!" Eclipse said.

They all stared at Sesshoumaru again. He stared back, standing dead still and looking bored.

"Strain, stupid!" Shadow hissed, hitting him on the arm.

"Hey!" he said, jumping from surprise.

"Look! See? He's dangerous! We're doing you all a lot of good, saving you from this deadly, horrible, hideous creature!" Eclipse said.

"Yeah, really!" Shadow agreed without thinking. She blinked, then looked up at Sesshoumaru.

"I don't think he's really very hideous... He's kinda hot, y'know?" she said.

Hiei and Youko groaned, hitting themselves in the forehead. Eclipse kicked her.

"Stupid! Don't get sidetracked!"

"Oh yeah! So we've been restraining this deadly beast of immense strength! If you don't give us food, we cannot guarantee your safety when we leave to hunt our own!" Shadow declared.

"So... If we don't give you food, you'll leave?" InuYasha asked hopefully.

"Yes! But do not fear, we shall return!"

"Damn."

"So you will not feed your protectors?" Eclipse asked in a high-and-mighty tone.

"No. Get lost. We have limited supplies as it is," Inuyasha said.

"Okay!" they said in unison, losing their high-and-mighty tones and reverting back to their normal cheerful selves. They grabbed the two nearest people and switched the cuffs from their own wrists to the two nearest peopleses wrists.

"Keep him with you guys, will you?" Shadow asked, her undertone obviously an order instead of asking a favor. She and Eclipse then darted into the forest.

"HEY! GET BACK HERE AND GET THIS OFF ME!" Sango yelled. Youko, the second 'nearest people,' just stared at his wrist.

"Crap," he said flatly.

Shadow came flying back out of the forest and stopped in front of Sango.

"Sorry 'bout that, Boomerang Girl!" she said, grabbing Hiei as a replacement for Sango. After switching them, she ran away again.

"Should we wait for them?" Kagome asked.

"I doubt they'll be back for hours," Hiei said. "We should get as far as we can without them driving us nuts."

"I agree. We don't have time to lounge around," Inuyasha said. "Let's go."

"So you're dragging me around now even though they left?!" Sesshoumaru asked.

"We can't do much," Hiei said. "How many times do I have to tell you that? Look at what happened to Youko when he tried to help!"

"Exactly," InuYasha said, walking past. He stopped and turned to face his brother. "Believe me, if we _could_ do something, I would. I'd get rid of you as fast as I could. You know I hate you."

"The feeling is mutual," Sesshoumaru said dryly, looking down at his brother through the corner of his eye. InuYasha glared.

"Brotherly love is wonderful," Miroku said fake-cheerfully. "Let's go." He grabbed Inuyasha and dragged him down the path by his collar.

Around nightfall, with no sign of the two baka girls, the group came across a village.

"Would it be wise to spend the night here?" Miroku asked. "I mean, we do have three full-blooded demons in our midst..."

"I could take my human form... Then Inuyasha is the only one that actually _looks_ like a demon," Youko said.

"Sometimes people can tell by means other than looks," Sango said.

"Well yes, but..."

"I think it's worth the risk, don't you?" Kagome said. "We've been to villages before and most people ignored your demon features, right? So who's to say it'll be any different this time?"

"Besides, it's not like we're gonna hurt anyone," Shippou said. "Come on!"

"We can't just stand here debating it forever. It's getting dark and we need somewhere to stay... Unless we're gonna sleep on the ground when there's a village another ten minutes' walk..." Yusuke said.

"What about Shadow and Eclipse?" Miroku asked, worry in his voice.

"Who cares about them? I hope they fell off a cliff," Sesshoumaru said bitterly.

"It wouldn't kill 'em... Unless there was sharp rocks or a tribe of starved cannibalistic demons at the bottom..." Hiei said.

"Are those girls immortal or something?" Inuyasha asked.

"Hardly," the now red-haired Kurama said. "They're just smart, fast, strong, and totally retarded and they don't know what 'shame' or 'regret' mean."

"How are they smart and retardted at the same time?" Shippou asked.

"They just _are_," Kurama said mysteriously. "It's _magic_."

"Let's go," Miroku said, leading the way into the village.

Upon arriving, they found the village deserted.

"There's no one here," Shippou stated the obvious. "Where could they all be?"

"They're preparing for the sacrifice," came a voice from behind them. The stranger walked around to stand in front of them.

"Sacrifice?!" Shippou yelped.

"What are they sacrificing?" Hiei asked.

"Every full moon, the people of this village journey to the shrine on the hill and sacrifice a _virgin_ to a tribe of demons to keep them from attacking this place. Usually they have to kidnap one. However, earlier today, a couple young virgins wandered into the village on their own."

"Oh... Shit," Hiei said quietly, eyes wide. "What did they look like? Did you see them?"

"Wouldn't it be logical to ask if I saw them _before_ asking what--"

"Shut up! Did you or did you not?" Hiei snapped.

"Yeah, I saw 'em. They were about your height, one with black hair, one with brown, cheerful, pretty little things, innocent as a baby. They wore strange clothes..."

"God, those idiots..." Hiei growled.

"You knew them?"

"We _know_ them. It's a present-tense kind of thing," Hiei said.

"I wouldn't be so sure..."

"Where's the shrine?" Yusuke asked coldly.

"There's no point in trying to save them... They might already be gone."

"Fine, I'll find it myself," Hiei snapped, ripping the bandana from his forehead.

"Stupid girls," Inuyasha snapped. "They go get themselves in trouble. Idiots. I'm sick of saving people I barely know..."

"Inu_yasha_!" Kagoma snapped.

"Um... What's that?" the stranger asked, pointing to Hiei's Jagan.

"It's an _eye_," Sesshoumaru answered. "What does it look like, fool?"

"Are you demons?"

"Ah. There they are," Hiei said.

"The virgin sacrifice is supposed to keep demons out of the village!" the stranger was saying, horrified.

"It's North," Hiei was saying, ignoring the man. "Let's go." He darted off, nearly jerking Sesshoumaru's arm off with his sudden speed.

They arrived at the shrine just as the villagers were tying Shadow and Eclipse to a large pole on an elevated platform.

"Great demons, we have brought you the virgins!" the man who'd tied them called to the sky. Storm clouds flooded in and blocked out the moon and the stars.

"Come on," Hiei said, pushing through the people to reach the front of the crowd.

Four extremely large and ugly demons appeared on the platform, surrounding the two girls.

"Lovely," one said, baring large fangs. "You've out done yourselves."

"Do you _eat_ virgins?" Shadow asked, showing no fear of them.

"Well, they aren't virgins by the time we eat them..." a second demon said.

"Well, that's horrible, but I do have some good news! I just saved loads of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!" Shadow said cheerfully.

"What?"

"Sorry, I meant to tell you I'm not a virgin _now_..."

The demons sniffed at them.

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not," Shadow denied in a British accent. "Ask Hiei!"

"Who's _Hiei_?"

The little demon himself tapped the big ugly demon the shoulder. It spun around and looked down at Hiei.

"I'm Hiei," he informed the demon. Then he punched it in the face.

"Hey!" the other demons said. The villagers all looked hopeful, yet horrified. After all, if Hiei managed to kill these four, no more virgin sacrifices, but if he _didn't_ kill them, the villagers would be punished for it.

While this was being explained to you, Hiei, Sesshoumaru, and Kurama slaughtered all four demons and cut Shadow and Eclipse loose.

"Sesshie!" Shadow squealed instantly, lunging at him and coming a foot short, sliding that extra foot on her stomach and latching onto his leg. Eclipse climbed up and sat on his head, causing him to be top-heavy and fall on top of Shadow, pulling Hiei and Kurama down with him and they all landed in a big tangled pile of arms and legs. Inuyasha and the others just stared.

"Any second now, he's going to explode and kill all of them..."

. . .

"We went from being sacrifices to being treated to a feast!" Shadow said cheerfully, lying on her back.

"Yeah. Well it would have been a feast if you hadn't eaten it all," Eclipse said bitterly, narrowing her eyes at Shadow.

"I ate it all? You're the one who had about ten pounds of rice! Pig! You think _I_ ate it all? Cha! As if!"

"We all had plenty," Kagome said firmly, trying to shut them up.

"Yeah, now we're gonna get run out for eating all their food," Yusuke said.

"Not now," Shadow said sleepily. "Too tired..." She was asleep almost instantly, snoring.

"Ummm... We're not sleeping here... We have rooms..." Miroku said.

Shadow opened one eye. "We do?"

"Yeah."

"Where at?"

"This kind man will show you... But... Are you sleeping chained to Sesshoumaru?"

"We did last night, we will tonight. Unless _you_ want to," Shadow said, sitting up.

"No, that's quite alright! I wouldn't be able to sleep, and I have a feeling he wouldn't either."

"You think I sleep any better chained to these two snoring rocks?" Sesshoumaru snapped as he was dragged out of the room.

"They're too stupid to fear for their lives," Youko said, sipping sake.

"We've become aware of that," Inuyasha said dryly.

"I'm going to bed," Yusuke said, getting up. "G'night, all."

One by one, everyone drifted off to their rooms.

. . .

"I can't wake them up," Sesshoumaru said, not seeming too greatly concerned with it. InuYasha and Miroku stood in the doorway, looking at the sleeping girls.

"Let me try," the monk said. He walked forward and shook Shadow by the shoulder. "Wake up, Shadow. Hey, come on, wake up! We have to get going."

"That's not going to--" Sesshoumaru started, but he was cut off as Shadow sat bolt upright, holding Miroku's wrist in a death grip in front of his face.

"Do you find it necessary to keep touching my butt while you try to wake me up?" she asked. He laughed nervously. Inuyasha groaned.

"STOP HITTING ON EVERY GIRL YOU SEE!"

"I don't hit on every girl!" the monk denied. Shadow squeezed his wrist. "Ow! I have good reason though for the ones I do!"

"Uh-huh, I bet. That's strike one, _Mir-o-ku_," she said, putting emphasis on his name. Then she let go of his wrist. "Eclipse, breakfast!"

"WHERE?!" the other girl screamed, jumping up so fast everyone else jumped back a foot (except for Shadow, who'd expected it).

"If you want breakfast, you're gonna have to hunt it down with us. The villagers are grateful that the demons were killed but they're pissed that you ate all their food," Inuyasha said.

"We have to hunt our food? Are you serious?" Eclipse asked.

"Yes. I'm serious," Inuyasha said.

"Kayo! We journey forth, then!" Shadow said, walking past Miroku and snapping her handcuff to his left, as he was facing her and now stood beside Sesshoumaru, their left arms chained together so they faced opposite directions.

"This won't work," Miroku said, looking at his wrist. Inuyasha stuck out his foot and tripped Shadow onto her face. She stood up and glared.

"What?!"

"Unchain Miroku," he said. "As annoying as he is, I think chaining him to my brother is a bit too drastic."

"What? Why? Fluffy's a nice guy," Shadow said innocently. Sesshoumaru's shoulders slumped. Inuyasha and Miroku burst out laughing.

"Stop laughing before I slaughter you both!" Sesshoumaru snapped. They tried desperately to stop laughing, but one look at Sesshoumaru put them in fits again. "Get this monk off me. Now."

"Yes sir," Shadow said, switching the cuff back to her own wrist. "Well, let's go get some breakfast! Where's Hiei?"

"We're eating Hiei for breakfast?!" Eclipse asked in horror. "I don't wanna eat Hiei! He's all mean and evil, he probably tastes like mud!"

"And how much mud have you eaten in your day?" Shadow asked.

"A lot more than you'd think."

"Gross! But no, we're not eating Hiei, and he's not mean and evil, or evil and mean, or mean or evil, while we're on the subject."

"What subject is it we're on again?" Eclipse asked, confused.

"Hiei's a big softie," Shadow said. "I bet if I gave him a stuffed pink bunny rabbit, he'd sleep with it like a little kid."

"... Somehow I can't see Hiei and a bunny rabbit in the same room, let alone a pink one..." Miroku said.

"WHO ASKED YOU?!" Shadow snapped. "MISTER GROPE! You keep your gropey touchy feely strokey hands to yourself or I'll tear 'em off!"

"I wasn't touching you!" Miroku yelped, holding up his hands.

"That's what _you_ say... Maybe you weren't _now_, but you were thinking about it..." she retorted, crossing her arms.

"I'm hungry," Eclipse said suddenly.

"Okay, we're gonna find Hiei and--"

"And eat 'im?" Eclipse asked hopefully.

"Hopefully?! You ask hopefully when a second ago you thought it'd be gross!" Shadow snapped.

"Well that's before you told me he likes pink bunny rabbits."

"I never said he did, like as a fact, I just said--"

"HIIIIIIIIIIEIIIIII!" Eclipse called, skipping off and dragging Shadow and Sesshoumaru with her. Hiei pushed open the sliding door to his room, shirtless and squinting in the sunlight.

"Hiei, Shadow has just informed me that you like pink bunny rabbits. Can I--"

"I never said that," Shadow said quickly in reply to the glare Hiei shot her.

"YOU WOKE ME UP JUST TO TELL ME SOMEBODY TOLD YOU I LIKE PINK BUNNY RABBITS?!" he screamed. Shadow was flapping around like a rag doll at the end of Sesshoumaru's arm as he clung desperately to a post on the porch to keep from suffering her fate. "I HATE RABBITS, I HATE PINK, AND I HATE _YOU_!" He slammed his door. There was a thud that signalled he'd dropped back down to the floor to sleep a few more hours.

"Well, I think that settles it," Sesshoumaru said. "Let's get out of here before he decides to set us all on fire."

"_I_ could set us all on fire, if you want," Shadow said, hanging limply at the end of Sesshoumaru's arm.

"I'd really rather you didn't. Can we go now? Someplace else? How about East, maybe?" the demon suggested.

"Why east?" Shadow asked, standing up.

"Because that's the opposite direction of the one we're headed in, and you're not allowed to go west anymore."

"Says who?"

"ME! I'M LORD OF THE WESTERN LANDS AND I SAY SO, SO JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!"

"I can't listen to you. I'm not the boss of this here circus," Shadow said. She pointed to Inuyasha. "Your loving younger brother who you care so much about is."

"I don't care about him. He could be hanging off a cliff by an extremely unstable tree root and be begging me to help him and I wouldn't even breath in his direction," Sesshoumaru said.

"You probably would have been the one who got me there in the first place," Inuyasha grumbled.

"My nose is itchy," Eclipse said, scratching her eyebrow.

"That's not your nose..." Miroku corrected.

"I know, but I hadn't said anything for a while and I decided I needed some attention, so I scratched my ear and told you my eye fell out and rolled across the ground."

"...Um ...You said nothing of the sort, did nothing of the sort, and even if it had, we wouldn't have cared anymore than if you had said a winged cheese wheel was going to conquer the South African country of Kentucky," Shadow said flatly.

"... Well now I'm confused!" Eclipse whined.

"So am I..." Shadow said. She spun and pointed to Miroku. "Get me food, lackey!"

"... I... er... I'm not your lackey, Sha--"

"YOU ARE NOW, CUZ I SAID SO!"

"... Are you going to ask me to let you bear my child?"

"Uhhh... I heard something about children, so I'm just gonna say no."

"Then I'm not your lackey. Sorry."

"Um... Eclipse, help me out. What are we talking about?"

"I dunno."

"Whatever you're talking about..." Hiei's door slammed open again. "Couldn't you find a more ideal place then outside my door?"

"What do you mean? This place is highly ideal! Look, there's us, and a floor, therefore we can stand here and talk if we feel--"

"NO. YOU. **CAN'T**!"

This time they were all sent spiralling through the air to slam into somebody else's door.

"Look, it doesn't matter anyway!" Inuyasha said. "We have to leave! The villagers are mad that a certain two girls ate all their food!"

"Oh. Well then let's go," Hiei said simply, bending down and picking up his shirt and sword from the floor.

"... He's got mood swings too, doesn't he?" Inuyasha asked.

"**NO,**" Hiei snapped.

"Yeah. He's been around Shadow for two years or something," Eclipse said.

"Well we've been around Shadow for two _days_ or something and look at us! We've been driven nuts, my brother's been tamed, th--"

"I'M NOT TAME!" Sesshoumaru snapped, hitting Inuyasha in the head.

"Ow!"

"Brotherly love! It's so... uh...," Miroku hesitated to continue as the brothers glared at him. "It's... um... lovely."

Shadow and Eclipse looked at each other as those two glared and both girls got identical smiles. They burst into song.

"COME ON, GET HAPPY!"

"Gods help us," Sesshoumaru whimpered.

"I'm gonna kill 'em," Inuyasha growled.

**.................................................**

**I was gonna say something of some minor importance here but I FORGET! God. Five-second memory span, dammit. Oh yeah, the 'come on get happy' is a song I heard on an oldies station my dad had on in the car... He said it was the Partridge Family... God, it was a scary song. PERFECT FOR SHADOW AND ECLIPSE TO SING!  
**However, that's not what I had initially wanted to tell you, but I honestly can't remember, so foo on that.  
**ETU (Expected Time of Update):** Umm... Friday/Saturday. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, I'll prolly get sick and yack on them... They need it. They need to keep their hands out of my mouth before I bite 'em off.


	4. Nice to Meet You!

**Draikitha-** Yeah, Shippou's a full blooded demon............ Is that important in some way? Cuz I'm stupid. Hey, and didn't I say I'd have a new chapter Friday/Saturday this time? Look! It's Saturday!  
**Hedi Dracona-** Everybody looses their sanity in my stories. MUWAHA! Hey, d'you think I could have some of those sanity meters...? I need them for... uh... medical purposes... For my friends. Yeah. I mean, I'm not testing _my_ sanity... I know I'm perfectly sane... Yup... I just... Uh... Um... Heh heh... What?!  
**xkuroxshinobix-** Yes, your Highness...  
**Jasmine101-** Do you need Miroku to give you CPR? (It was Eclipse! She told me to ask!) Cuz if you die laughing, I'm sending Miroku...  
**inu-freak1116-** glad you like it.  
**Lena:queen of flying piggies-** If they're a bunch of nutjobs, what does that make me, the one who created them? THE NUTJOB CREATOR! Well... My friend created Eclipse... But still. You know what I mean.  
**Black Cat-** Eee! Catholic! No offense, but I have something against the catholic religion... Evil.  
**Water-Rose-** They're a _little_ crazy?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR SANITY JUDGES? They're a little more than a little crazy... And dentists are scary, but I wouldn't lick their fingers even if it'd get their hands out of my mouth, cuz sanitary rubber gloves taste bad.  
**Shessha's Crazy-** You sound like me and Eclipse...  
**C.C.C.-** Grrr! You're mean. See if I let you read my stories anymore! (Like I have any say... Gr!)  
**Robin Autumn-** I think I'm gonna draw a small child Hiei hugging a pink bunny... A little chibi Hiei or something... Isn't that cute?  
**Chrisoriented-** If I woke up to see some freaky person hovering over my bed, I'd scream, then pummel 'em with my folder full of stories. Or a shoe. My steel-toed boots. MUWAHA! What did you do to chase your family out of the house? I wanna try it.  
**Mari Youma-** It can only get worse...  
**PicoPicoZufuChan-** I had a hamster named Sparky... He died. But like I said to Robin Autumn, I'm gonna draw Hiei with a pink bunny rabbit...  
**Bar-Ohki-** Would having a hoard of constipated badgers to catapult at people be a bad thing? Oh well. I updated, and YOU PEOPLE BETTER STOP DYING! IF YOU DIE AGAIN, I'LL KILL YOU!  
**Kitsune Klepto-** I'm glad you like it. :D  
**Saeble-** Caffeine is God! Or closely related! Or at least, maybe God drinks caffeine a lot. That's how he's always around when you need him. HE NEVER SLEEPS! Maybe God is Santa Claus... Ho ho ho. AHHH! SANTA CLAUS! RUN AWAY!  
**animerocker-** Eclipse says it'd be very bad if there was a giant frog demon in this story... Just now she said "Hee hee... Frog..." (Shhh! Don't tell her: I think she's insane... Shhhhh! God! She found out! Run for your lives!)  
**nutari-** Glad you like it... :D Yay for happy insane entertaining... whatever else stories...  
**Flame34-** DO NOT DISS THE WEASELS! They smell bad and can do more damage then chipmunks! And they're cute! And Eclipse says "Chipmunks _suck_ compared to weasels!" MAHA LLAMA! I talk to pictures! Yay!

**Another chapter written at Eclipse's house... So far that's 3 ouf ot 4 written here...**

**CHAPTER FOUR  
**Nice to Meet You

"And on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and--"

"And if you don't shut up I'll kill you," Sesshoumaru said, mocking their tones.

"Oooh! Death threats!" Shadow sang. "And on, and on, and on, and-- Hey! You know what? Once, I was walking in a circle and--"

"Please. Spare us all," Hiei said, sticking duct tape over both their mouths. "If I hear one more word out of either of you I'll do worse than just stick tape over your mouth."

"Will you kill us?" Eclipse asked, tearing off the tape.

"Or rape us?" Shadow asked, also pulling off the tape.

"No. But I'll maul you horribly and throw you in the river. We've been walking for three or four days now and YOU HAVEN'T SHUT UP FOR A MINUTE! It's really, really annoying!"

They were silent for a minute. Everybody sighed with relief and was just settling into the unusual quiet when Shadow tapped Sesshoumaru on the shoulder.

"Psst! Guess what," she said quietly. Before she could continue, Hiei punched her in the head and she fell over with swirly eyes. Sesshoumaru just walked on, dragging her along behind him.

"Well tha's not very nice," Eclipse said in a British accent. Hiei hit her too and Sesshoumaru sighed.

"D'you think they'll be out for longer than the last time you hit them?"

"Nope."

"Well you should have hit them harder!"

"It wouldn't have done any better," Hiei said, shrugging. "The only way to keep them out for more than two minutes is to severely bludgeon them."

"Shhh! Let's just enjoy the silence while we have it!" Youko snapped. Hiei and Sesshoumaru shrugged in agreement.

Exactly two minutes after Hiei'd hit them, the girls woke up and were lecturing him for being so mean.

"Okay," Sesshoumaru said through clenched teeth. "You're going to shut your mouths before I tear them off your FACES."

"Yessir," they said in unison. Shadow started digging in her pockets. She apparently had about 200 pockets because it took her a lot of digging and mumbling to finally find what she'd been looking for.

She pulled it out of her pocket and stared at it like it was made of pure gold.

It was...

A bottle of bubble suds.

You know, that stuff that you play with when you're little (well, no, cuz I'd still play with it now if I had any... Bubbles... Hee hee...) that's like soapy soap suds stuff that you blow bubbles with...? Muwaha.

She blew a bubble and stared at it, still walking straight but not watching where she was walking until the bubble floated out of sight. Then she turned back and blew another one, staring at it with the same awed face as the last, like a bubble was the most amazing thing ever to exist.

"What is this child's problem?" Sesshoumaru asked, pointing.

"... _Bubbles_," Shadow whispered, blowing one at him. It stuck to his hair. "BUBBLE!" She jumped onto his shoulder and bit the bubble, and , of course, in the process, got a mouthful of his hair.

"Gross! Get your mouth off my hair! I don't know where it's been!" Sesshoumaru snapped, stealing Miroku's staff and bludgeoning her until she let go.

"You don't know where what's been? Your hair or my mouth?"

"Well being as my hair is attached to my head and always has been, I'd say I was probably talking about your mouth, baka."

"...Are you sure your hair's attached?" She yanked on his hair just to make sure.

"Ow!" Sesshoumaru stopped dead and grabbed Shadow's wrist, flipping her onto the ground. "If you don't leave me the hell alone for the remainder of this miserable trip, I'll kill you and drag your corpse through the dust!"

Shadow stared up at him with big, innocent eyes. "My mouth hasn't been anywhere it shouldn't be..."

Yusuke burst out laughing. "What's your definition of 'where it should be'? Or do I want to know?"

"Well, a minute ago my mouth was on Fluffy's hair... But before that it's been--"

"On second thought, I don't really care," Yusuke said. "What about back in that village when you told those people you weren't a virgin? Were you serious?"

"OF COURSE I'M A VIRGIN, IDIOT! You don't see me spouting babies, do you?"

"That doesn't mean anything..." Yusuke said. Shadow then proceeded to steal Miroku's staff from Sesshoumaru and bludgeon Yusuke with it.

"Stop hitting people with my staff! You're gonna break it!" Miroku whined, snatching it back.

"In the next village, let's leave her. They need a village idiot," Inuyasha said.

"What if they've already got one?" Youko asked.

"THEY CAN HAVE ANOTHER ONE! Nobody can have too many idiots!" Inuyasha said.

"What about me?" Eclipse asked, sounding rejected and miserable.

"You can be the village braindead moron," Hiei said.

"Yay!" Eclipse cheered, and proceeded to skip for the next half hour, picking pink flowers and throwing the petals at Sesshoumaru.

An hour later...

"I'm hungry," Eclipse said, tired of skipping and throwing flower petals at Sesshoumaru.

"So am I," Shadow said.

"My wrist is itchy..."

"My ankles hurt..."

"I'm bored..."

"Hiei farted..."

"I DID NOT!"

"I miss the froggies..."

"I miss the weasels..."

"I miss my sanity..." Inuyasha muttered. However, like Hiei's denial of farting, he was ignored.

"I'm tired..."

"I'm sore..."

"I think my toenail got dislocated..."

"I think... No, I don't think. I forget what's wrong with me..."

"How about everything?" Yusuke suggested. Like everyone else, he was ignored.

"I'm drooling..."

"That's gross..."

"I know..."

"My knee hurts..."

"I'm sleepy..."

"You smell bad," Sesshoumaru said coldly. The girls blinked.

"Hey look! A cliff!" Eclipse said, pointing.

"With a waterfall!" Shadow added excitedly.

"Bath time!" they said in unison.

"Oh shit," Sesshoumaru yelped. He was dragged to the edge of the cliff. There was no telling how high it was, as the waterfall had filled the valley below with mist. If indeed it was a valley, below the mist.

"Guys, get away from the edge before you fall off!" Youko ordered.

"We're not gonna fall!" Eclipse shouted.

"No, we're gonna _jump_!" Shadow added. They looked at each other.

"SWAN DIVE!!!"

And that's exactly what they did. Perfect, in unison swan dives off the cliff into the unknown below.

Well, the swan dives would have been perfect, had Sesshoumaru not thrown them off balance... They spun, and spun, and ended up doing something more of a cannonball than a swan dive. Except the ultra idiot Shadow, who somehow, perhaps intentionally, did a bellyflop into the river 200 feet below.

"YOU IDIOTS!" Inuyasha screamed from the top of the cliff. Everybody stared down at them.

"You guys find an easier way down. I'm jumping," Hiei said.

"What, you think they survived that?"

"The only way that could have killed them would be if there were a bunch of 3-foot spikes at the bottom, or a starved tribe of cannibals. Yes, they survived," Hiei said. "Bye." He jumped. Inuyasha snorted, then followed.

"Kirara," Sango said. The tiny cat transformed and she and Miroku jumped on her back, flying down into the mist.

"You two idiots stay here with Kagome and Shippou," Youko said. "Find a different way down." Then he, like everyone else, jumped. So if there was a bunch of three-foot spikes at the bottom, they're all gonna be impaled. Maybe. And if there's a tribe of cannibals, they get a feast... Anyway!

Sesshoumaru, meanwhile, had managed to drag the two girls out of the water... That proved difficult, as one was dead weight and the other didn't want to leave the water because she's closely related to a FROG! Though you couldn't tell by looking at her...

He plopped down on the opposite shore and sat there gasping for breath, hanging onto Eclipse's wrist as she strained to get back to the water. He looked down at Shadow.

"What's her problem?"

"She did a bellyflop!" Eclipse said. "OH MY GOD, SHE'S DEAD!"

Sesshoumaru stared at her for a minute. "Yeah, maybe."

"Who's dead?" Miroku asked as Kirara landed next to Eclipse. Hiei, Youko, and Inuyasha arrived a second later, asking the same question.

"Shadow's dead," Eclipse sobbed, still straining to get to the water.

"... No, she's just swallowed water," Miroku said. He started doing CPR. After a second, Shadow coughed. He pulled back an inch or two and was met with a spout of water from her mouth.

"Am I dead?" she said. Then she opened her eyes. "Oh. It's _you_. I must be dead. This is Hell, isn't it?"

"You're not dead."

"Then can you stop GROPING ME?" Shadow snapped. Hiei groaned.

"You're screwed up, Miroku."

"Shadow, I must know," Miroku said, ignoring Hiei and grabbing Shadow's hands. "Will you bear my children?"

Shadow stared at him, blinking.

"Oh, come on! I sleep in the same bed as you, and you pummel me, but he asks you to bear his children and you're thinking about it?!" Youko said, horrified.

"Yeah, exactly," Hiei agreed.

"... She's the only person I've ever seen consider it for so long," Inuyasha said.

"Please, Shadow, I must have an answer," Miroku pleaded hopefully. Shadow stood up, and Miroku followed.

"Want an answer?" she said. Miroku still looked hopeful. Shadow jerked her hands away and hit him so hard he went flying through the air, slammed into the ground and rolled for a good ten feet, ending up face down in the river. "DREAM ON."

"Well, that's definite," Hiei said.

"I'm going to take a bath now," Shadow said cheerfully, dragging Sesshoumaru over to Miroku's unconscious body and switching her cuff onto the monk's wrist. Then she skipped down the shore and out of sight.

"I'm going swimming!" Eclipse said cheerfully. She grabbed Inuyasha and switched her cuff with him. Then she ran and dove into the river, clothes and all, before anyone could say anything else.

Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru stared at each other for a minute.

"I'm going to kill her," Inuyasha growled.

"I am chained to the unconscious carcass of a perverted monk and... My _stupid little brother._ _I_'m going to kill her," Sesshoumaru snarled. They glared at each other for a few more minutes until Yusuke and Kuwabara came running up to them, having apparently found an easier way down. Kagome caught up a second later with Shippou on her shoulder. She saw Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha, the lines of angry evil evil anger connecting their eyes as they glared, then saw Miroku's unconscious, soaked body, and she was instantly horrified.

"What happened?!" she asked.

"OUR WRATH IS UPON THEM!" Eclipse sang from the middle of the river.

"'_Our_ wrath'? Speaking of which, where's Shadow?"

"ELSEWHERE!" Eclipse squealed. Then she submerged and nobody saw her again. Cuz she swam away. Underwater.

About 45 minutes later, Miroku finally woke up. He sat up, stared at Sesshoumaru, who stared back dryly, then he looked at his wrist, chained to Sesshoumaru's. He looked at the rest of the group, noticed Inuyasha pouting on the other side of Sesshoumaru, and decided not to inquire about this.

"What happened?" he asked.

"You were beat up by a girl," Sesshoumaru said dryly.

"... Where are they?" Miroku asked, looking around.

"Who? The idiot girls? Shadow went to take a bath about an hour ago, right after she pummeled you," Hiei said. "And I think Eclipse has been kidnapped by a frog, cuz she went underwater and didn't come back up."

"Took a bath, huh...?" Miroku muttered to himself. "And she isn't back yet? What if something happened?"

"Miroku, you don't care if something happened. You just care if you can see her naked," Inuyasha snapped.

"That's not true!" Miroku retorted. "I'm going to go check on her..."

"Not if I have anything to say about it you aren't," Sesshoumaru said.

"Well you don't," Miroku snapped, grabbing his wrist and dragging him, with much effort, to his feet.

"If you get me in trouble, monk, you're gonna get it," Inuyasha snapped.

"I won't, don't worry," Miroku said. "I'm just checking on them to see if anything's happened..."

"Yeah, I bet."

Miroku managed to drag the unwilling brothers down the shore until he spotted Shadow, who'd somehow gotten a bathing suit from someplace and was wearing it, much to Miroku's dismay. Eclipse was with her, wearing her clothes because she'd jumped into the river to swim in them...

"There they are," he whispered, ducking behind some bushes. "Look at that..."

"I'd rather not," the other two said in unison, turning their backs.

"You know they'll kill you if they catch you spying," Inuyasha said.

"Then I'll just have to make sure they don't catch me!" Miroku replied simply, smiling at Inuyasha. He turned back to the river and gasped. "Where'd they go?"

Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru twitched, looking up at a certain duo of nuts.

"They were just here a second ago..." Miroku was saying.

"Ummm..." Inuyasha muttered. Shadow and Eclipse smiled fake-sweetly at the dog demons.

"And now they aren't..." The monk was still muttering to himself.

"Miroku..." Inuyasha said scooting away slightly.

"Shhh, I'm trying to--"

Miroku was cut off by Sesshoumaru, who simply grabbed his shoulder and spun him around to look at the two girls. They smiled fake-sweetly at him. He laughed nervously.

"Hi girls..."

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING SPYING ON US?"

"I was just worried something had happened to--"

"Yeah, that's why you were hiding in the bushes!"

Miroku was promptly bludgeoned and pummeled until he fell over with swirly eyes, twitching.

"AND _YOU_!" Shadow snapped, rounding on the brothers. "YOU GUYS! WHAT WERE YOU DOING JUST LETTING HIM SPY ON US LIKE THAT?!"

Fifteen minutes later, Shadow (now fully clothed) and Eclipse (still in soaking wet clothes...), back in their 'rightful' places at Sesshoumaru's sides, came back into camp. Sesshoumaru was dragging a severely bludgeoned Inuyasha and Miroku by their collars behind him, and Eclipse was skipping cheerfully. Shadow carried Miroku's staff. While Inuyasha and Miroku looked like they'd just been jumped on and attacked by a mob of starved weasels, Sesshoumaru was unharmed... Completely and totally as he was before.

Sesshoumaru walked over to where Kagome and Sango were sitting near a campfire Hiei had started.

"Have a perverted man who calls himself a monk," he said, dropping Miroku in front of them. "And keep this halfbreed away from me." He tossed Inuyasha on top of Miroku, causing him to grunt. Shadow screamed and pummeled Miroku again with his own staff.

"Be silent, fool!" Eclipse ordered. Of course, being unconscious, the monk did not hear her.

"What happened to _them_?" Yusuke asked.

"You have to ask?" Sango said incredulously.

"Why'd you maul Inuyasha?" Hiei asked. "Was he being a pervert too?"

"No. I just felt like it," Shadow said, shrugging. "Should I have a reason?"

"... Well, this is _you_ we're talking about... So... No."

"Glad to hear it!" Shadow said cheerfully, sitting down next to Hiei and giving the other two not a lot of choice on where to sit. "Are we roasting marshmallows?"

"Do you have any?" Hiei asked, expecting a 'no.'

"Let me see," Shadow said happily. She proceeded to search through all her 200 pockets again, and managed to bring out three bags of marshmallows. "Yes I do!"

"Do I even want to know what else is in those pockets?" Youko asked.

"Well, let's see!" Shadow said cheerfully, a big retarded smile on her face. She started to take inventory of stuff in one pocket, but Sesshoumaru grabbed her wrist.

"**We don't care, Shadow**," he said flatly. She sniffled.

"You don't?"

"We don't."

"MARSHMALLOWS!" Eclipse cheered, grabbing a bag and picking up a stick from the grass nearby.

They all had wonderful fun roasting marshmallows.

The end.

... Not.

"Roasting a marshmallow, roasting a marshmallow, roasty roasty roast-yyy, roasty roasty roast-yy!" Shadow sang, rocking back and forth with a big, stupid smile on her face.

"Shadow... Your marshmallow's on fire," Yusuke said.

"Huh?" Shadow opened her eyes and stared at the smouldering bit of goo. She screamed. Hiei snickered.

"THIS IS YOUR FAULT, ISN'T IT!" She snapped, standing up and pointing at him with the stick that had her still-flaming marshmallow on it.

"I had nothing to do with it," Hiei said innocently, smirking. Eclipse screamed.

"MY MARSHY MELLO YELLO! IT HAS COMBUSTED!"

"Do you even know what that means?" Hiei asked.

"NO! AND IT'S YOUR FAULT!" She also pointed her flaming marshmallow at him.

"I didn't do anything! It was... uh... Miroku!"

Miroku had woken up a few minutes earlier, and now quicky denied having anything to do with it.

"FLAMING MARSHMALLOW ASSAULT!" the girls shouting in unison, flinging their burning marshmallows at him.

"AHHHH!" He ran away, beating at his smouldering robes as he went.

"That wasn't very nice, you know," Kagome said. "He couldn't have had anything to do with it."

"Ooh! We can help you put out your robes, Mirokuuuuu!" Shadow sang as he walked back to the fire.

"That's fine, they're out..."

"No they aren't! You're delusional!" Eclipse said cheerfully. "Look, see?" She pointed to a small flame on his robes. Shadow snickered evilly.

"Hey! Put that out!"

The two girls grabbed him and flung him into the river.

"AHHHH!"

"There! Happy now?!" Eclipse said cheerfully.

"You guys are mean," Sango said. "I mean, I don't like him much, but I'm not that mean to him."

"First, we're not guys," Shadow corrected.

"And second, we're _evil_, not _mean_," Eclipse said.

"You're messed up, that's what," Hiei said. "Sit down and shut your mouths."

"Yes ma'am," Eclipse said.

"But how do we eat marshmallows if our mouths are shut?!" Shadow protested. Hiei glared.

"THROUGH YOUR EAR!"

"...Ouchies... Wouldn't that kinda hurt?"

"It'll hurt worse if you don't sit down and shut up," Hiei snapped. "Stop harassing everyone."

"Sexually?"

"I don't know! Are you sexually harassing anyone?!"

"Um... Well, they're sexually harassing _me..._"

"Who is?"

"Ummm.... Youko!" Shadow said, after looking around the fire for a minute. Miroku was still in the river, so she couldn't accuse him.

"I did not!" Youko replied.

"Shut up!" Shadow snapped, zapping him.

"STOP SHOCKING ME!"

"Ahh, yes, the Post-It Notes of Doom have sealed your defensive capabilities. HaHA!" Shadow said in a cheesy narrator's voice.

"Shut up, before I shut you up."

Shock.

"Ow!"

"Now shut up!" Shadow ordered.

"Yes, Your Highness..." Youko snapped.

"You got that right!"

"I'm tired," Eclipse said. "I wanna watch TV."

"WE DON'T HAVE A TV!" Hiei snapped.

"Well then do something entertaining! Beat the crap out of each other or something!" Eclipse snapped.

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE TIRED?!"

"I am." And she promptly fell over and was asleep before she hit the ground.

"So am I," Shadow said, mimicking Eclipse.

"Somebody help me," Sesshoumaru muttered, lying on the ground between them.

"You're on your own," Hiei said, falling backwards and lying in the grass, his fingers linked behind his head.

"Thanks," the dog demon said sarcastically.

...

That night... When it was all dark and scary and the stars were shiny-whiny, Eclipse sat up and looked around. A second later, Shadow sat up and looked around. They stared at each other with happy smiles.

"Nice to meet you!" Shadow said excitedly, shaking hands with Eclipse.

"Nice to meet you, too! How are you?"

"I am _peachy_! How are you?"

"Cherry!"

"Wow!"

"What's your name?"

"I'm Bob! What's yours?"

"I'm George!"

"Wanna be best friends?!"

"Yeah! Let's build a fort!"

"Okay!"

They said this all in overly cheerful and excited voices, like it was the most amazing thing. The two psycho girls unchained themselves and skipped away, singing, "I've got a new best fri-end, I've got a new best fri-end!"

Five minutes later, the two psychos came back carrying four relatively straight branches... And Hiei's cloak. They stuck the branches in the ground in a square around Sesshoumaru (who God knows how he slept through them 'meeting' each other) and draped Hiei's cloak over it. Then they stared at it with awe.

"How'd that get there?" they asked, amazement clear on their stupid-smile faces.

"I dunno..." Shadow answered.

"Let's go inside!" Eclipse said.

Like there's much 'inside,' but they went and sat under the cloak on opposite sides of Sesshoumaru, chaining his wrists to the sticks. After completing this, they stared at him for a second.

"How did _he_ get here?"

"Are we supposed to be worshipping him?"

"Is he our _god_?"

They stared at each other for a minute before saying, "Wow..."

"Nice to meet you," Shadow said in the same awed voice, shaking hands with Eclipse.

"Nice to meet you, too... How are you?"

"I am _peachy_, how are you?"

"I'm fine... What's your name?"

"Fred. What's yours?"

"Joe. Wanna be best friends?"

"Sure!"

"Wow..."

They stopped shaking hands and glanced away, stupid smiles on their faces. They noticed each other and stared in awe.

"Nice to meet you," Eclipse said, shaking Shadow's hand.

"It is... How are you?"

"I am _fine_! How are you?"

"Peachy... What's your name?"

"Tom... What's yours?"

"Jerry. Wanna be best friends?"

"Yeah!"

"Woohoo!"

They stopped shaking hands. At this point, Sesshoumaru was awake. He looked at them for a second.

"What the hell's your problems?"

Their heads snapped down and they stared at him with wide eyes.

"Wow..."

"It can talk..."

"Wow..."

"O-kay..." Sesshoumaru said. "Um..."

The girls looked at each other.

"Wow... Nice to meet you..."

This went on until daylight, when Hiei came looking for his cloak, not in the best of moods. He snatched it off the sticks and glared at the girls.

"What the hell are you doing?"

They, meanwhile, had gone through every single name they could think of... Except...

"Great... What's your name?"

"Uh... Hiei... What's yours?"

"I'm... uh... Yusuke! Wanna be best friends?"

"Okay!"

"Quick, do something before I kill them," Sesshoumaru snapped. "They've been at it for hours. They've said every guy's name ever invented! They've used every adjective for 'fine' at least four times! They've even said it all in different accents and languages! But every time with the same stupid, clueless awe in their voices. They think they need to WORSHIP me!"

"...Is that bad? I mean, being worshipped... Is there something wrong with--"

"I DON'T CARE IF THEY WORSHIP ME! BUT THEY'RE SO STUPID ABOUT IT, IT'S REALLY ANNOYING!"

"Oh... Um..."

Shadow and Eclipse jumped up and grabbed Hiei's hands.

"Nice to meet you!" they said in unison, shaking his hands. "How'd you get here? Are you God?"

"See what I mean?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"What's going on?" Inuyasha asked, sitting up. They looked over at him and darted over, grabbing his hands and kneeling beside him.

"Are you an angel?"

"Let go of me," Inuyasha snapped, trying to pull his hands away. They stuck to him like glue.

"Are we supposed to worship you?"

"Wow... Fluffy ears..." Shadow said, touching Inuyasha's ears. "You must be a God... _Another_ God... Are we supposed to worship you?"

"Get off me!" Inuyasha snapped, jerking his hands away.

They went through this with every... single... guy... Even Shippou... When they got to Miroku... Last... Well...

"Wow... Are _you_ a God?" they asked, awed. Still. "Are we supposed to worship you?"

Miroku had observed the entire time and formulated a plan. "You can be my servants."

"Wow..." they said.

"And your first task will be to bear my children."

"MIROKU!" everybody shouted.

"What?! They seem only too happy! Look at them!" the monk said.

Okay, so they looked happy, but...

Hiei walked over and dragged Shadow off Miroku and threw her in the river. She sank like a rock, but resurfaced a second later.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

"She's back," he said. She stalked up to him and punched him in the head. "Ow!"

"Hiei..." Miroku whined.

"What? You know Shadow doesn't want to bear your children! I was saving _you_ a lot of pain," Hiei said.

"Fine. I'll just have Eclipse do it."

"Hey Eclipse! There's a giant frog in the river eating your breakfast," Shadow said.

"FROG? FOOD? WHERE?"

"The RIVER!" Shadow said, booting Eclipse and sending her flying into the river.

"Hey, Sesshoumaru just ran into the forest," Youko said dryly, pointing.

"WHAT? DAMN YOU FOR NOT STOPPING HIM!" Shadow screamed, frying Youko severely then running off after him, but not before dragging Eclipse out of the river.

"WAIT, FLUFFY!"

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

**MY GOD! Fluffy's escaped! Will they recapture him? OOOOOH NOOOO! THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING YOU, ISN'T IT?  
ETU: Ummmm... Wednesday at the latest, I'd say. Howdy doo! Yeeha! Run away!  
**... I'm okay. Honestly. I am.  
**And indeed, I am aware that he could have escaped the second they chained him to a bunch of sticks... But the mighty authoress did not wish it.**


	5. In the Form of Audible Torture

**Water-Rose-** Ah... Now that is a disturbing thought... Miniature versions of Shadow and Eclipse running around.  
**Jasmine101-** Heh heh. Glad to hear it.  
**Draikitha-** Eclipse isn't really as obsessive in real life as she is in the stories... The crowbar is not in this chapter, but I think it'll be in chapter six. Ah, does Eclipse get mad when I torture her? No, but I told her that somebody suggested a Kurama/Eclipse romance story, and she just started twitching (well, in an email I told her, so she said she fainted), and I keep taunting her evilly saying I'm gonna go write about Kurama and Eclipse making out in a tree... She hasn't replied to that email yet cuz we got off the internet and I called her and am currently on the phone with her.  
**Flame34-** My weasels aren't pink! They're weasely colors! And besides, they have strange powers over my brain, because I really should hate them forever. One killed one of my bunnies before. Then my dog killed the weasel. It smelled bad. I had a dream with giant chipmunk-squirrels sitting on posts in it last night... There were also giant dragons and reptilian goat creatures. Eclipse says she predicts you will be killed by giant chipmunk-squirrels in the future. She predicts it, and it shall happen.  
**Robin Autumn-** I did. I drew Small Child Hiei With A Pink Bunny Rabbit.  
**xkuroxshinobix-** Ah, read away.  
**Hedi Dracona- **Ah. I'll try to remember to use them, then.  
**PicoPicoZufuChan-** I drew a picture of Hiei with a pink bunny. Muwaha. They don't die because they're too stupid to feel pain. I dunno. Heh heh.  
**C.C.C.-** I'm happy. See my giantly happy smile?  
**Bar-Ohki-** Yes, well even if they were dead, their soul would tear itself from their body and zoom away.  
**Black Cat-** I wouldn't know why they hang around you after my stories. Do you hold some odd demonic appeal or something...?  
**Chrisoriented-** That sounds horribly evil, like something I'd do... Except my family isn't outrageously religious... I'm definitely not.  
**UnicornGirl-DragonLady-** Hee hee. Glad you liked it. So much... If I read a really funny story and laugh a lot, the people in my house think I'm either annoying, stupid, or... really annoying... or... immature... They're mean. They tell me to shut up.  
**Katana-Jake-** Glad you like it.  
**Silver Lena-** THAT'S A GOOD IDEA! Take over the world with lunatics and kill people through suffocation by laughter... Muwahahahahaha... World domination plan B... I mean, uh ::shifty eyes:: Uh, like, what are you, nuts? You, uh... Plotting to take over the world! ::shifty eyes:: I'd never do such a thing! ::Shifty eyes, edges away slowly::  
**Mari Youma-** ::gags horribly:: I JUST HAD THE MOST SCARIEST IMAGE POP INTO MY MIND! NEXT TO CHEERLEADER HIEI, THIS IS NUMBER 2 SCARY... That I can remember... Yes. Sesshoumaru dancing and skipping around, smiling all happy-like in a field of pink flowers, throwing flower petal out of a basket, while happy, floaty, fairy music plays... O.o Yes, I **AM** sane... Just in a different sense of the word...  
**LivingImpared-** Well is it interesting or cool?! Make up your mind! Oh, and thanks for reading and reviewing all my stories. A lot of people just review the latest chapter of the latest story to inform me that they read all my stories, but they didn't review them. I appreciate it.  
**KumiHatari-** Um... What?  
**Carri-** Yes, well I know he did, but I decided that with my mighty authoress powers, I would bend that little fact a bit... He has his arm... Because it'd suck if he didn't. Having one arm sucks. I don't know from experience or anything, but I can assume.  
**Zero-** Yes, indeed, I did say I'd have it up Wednesday, but now it's Monday. Truth is, I hadn't even started it by Wednesday. Hee hee. Well I updated two other stories, so that's my excuse. I was working on finished others so now I can devote all my time to ONE story... Yeah right. I have about 6 others I've started and 4 or 5 more I need to start...

**CHAPTER...um...FIVE?  
**In the Form of Audible Torture

"Lord Sesshoumaru! Where have you been? You told me your were going to go torment Inuyasha some more, and you never came back!"

Sesshoumaru looked down at the green toady servant.

"Well obviously I came back, Jaken... Just not the same day..." He glanced around. Those two psychos had followed him... He'd lost them somewhere. Hopefully. But as he learned, those two can do anything, honestly _anything_, they set their minds to, including tracking a dog demon who didn't even travel by foot on the ground.

He rode the pink ribbony thingy of doom. In the sky.

Wait. No. It's _maroon_... Not pink... Or is it orange?

"What's bothering you, my Lord?"

"Everything. Including you," Sesshoumaru said. Jaken was about to say something when Sesshoumaru continued. "However, I'd rather put up with you than what I put up with for the past few days."

Jaken relaxed slightly, looking less hurt but more confused. "What are those things on your wrists, m'lord?"

"_Handcuffs_."

"Where exactly _were_ you for the past few days, Lord Sesshoumaru?"

"With Inuyasha."

Jaken just stared.

"I'll explain later, if I must. Where's Rin?"

"I'm not sure..."

There was a rustle in the leaves somewhere close by. Sesshoumaru stared at the source of the noise and sighed. Just a small bird. Nothing like--

"FOUND YA!"

Sesshoumaru nearly jumped out of his skin (A/N: I almost put he jumped out of his clothes but you'd like that image too much, wouldn't you? Pervert.) as Shadow and Eclipse lunged out of the bushes and tackled him.

"Thought you could escape, didn't you?!" Shadow said, straddling him and holding down his arms. Eclipse tumbled a few feet away and stood up, crossing her arms.

"Well, I'd hoped so, but I suppose I'm not that lucky," he said.

"Who are you? Leave Lord Sesshoumaru alone!" Jaken said, stomping over to them.

"Oooh, _Lord Sesshoumaru_," Eclipse said mockingly. "Get lost, ya toad!" She bunted him into a mud puddle a few feet away.

"Well, Fluffy, your plans of escape have failed!" Shadow said.

"Get off me!"

"Okay!"

"Okay?"

Shadow jumped off him and jerked her arm up, which she'd chained to Sesshoumaru once again without him noticing, and practically pulled his arm out of its socket. Eclipse hopped over to her place and chained herself to him.

"Come on, you psychos! Let me go," Sesshoumaru said.

"Nope! Fluffy tried to escape and now he will pay!" they said in unison.

"In the form of audible torture," Shadow said coldly.

"What's 'audible torture'?"

"Something we just made up just now!" Eclipse informed him sternly.

"Oh... Um... I'm afraid to ask."

And the two girls informed him by commencing their 'audible torture' which came in the form of oldies songs and operas in French and songs about loving people and also in overdramatic recitals of Shakespeare plays.

. . .

"So, how are we supposed to find them, then?" Miroku was asking as the group trekked through the forest towards the western lands that held the many Shikon shards (you recall that indeed that is really what this story was about...).

"By the scent of their rotting carcasses hanging from trees," Inuyasha said dryly.

"Or by the sound of their obnoxious voices," Youko suggested, twitching his ears. He paused, then added, "Screaming... as they are brutally murdered then hung from trees to rot in the sun..."

"That's sick," Sango said.

"What?! I wouldn't put it past Sesshoumaru if he can actually defend himself this time," Inuyasha said. "He'd kill them and leave them to rot in a tree."

"If there was anything left after he blew them to bits," Youko said.

"You guys are morbid!" Yusuke said.

"Don't use words you can't define, Yusuke," Youko said in a schoolteacher's patient tone.

"I can too define it: 'Youko and Inuyasha, talking about brutally murdering two people just because they're slightly insane!'"

"Yeah, well I can define 'underestimation', if indeed that is really a word," Youko said, after recovering from laughter at Yusuke's remark. "'Yusuke calling Shadow Jaganshi and Eclipse Shinomori _slightly insane_.' They're raving lunatics!"

"They aren't all that bad... Besides, wasn't there something about Sesshoumaru's sword being unable to kill?" Kagome said.

"Whoever said he was gonna use his sword?" Inuyasha said. "He has a wide variety of weapons other than his sword."

"Like, for example, a tree branch," Youko said. "He could bludgeon them to death, like they always say they're going to do to everyone." He mocked Shadow's voice: "'Do this and that RIGHT NOW or I'll bludgeon you to death with this oversized salmon I found walking down the hall!'" (A/N: I know salmon can't walk, but he was mocking Shadow, and she might not know that…)

Inuyasha laughed. Kuwabara looked at Hiei.

"Hey Hiei, you've been rather quiet. Worried about your lover?" he taunted. Hiei jumped up and kicked off the baka's head... Ahem... Figuratively speaking... Of course...

"I'd be more worried about Sesshoumaru, if I were you," Shippou said.

"I'm not worried about anybody. I was trying to enjoy the silence, but there doesn't seem to BE ANY, WITH YOU PEOPLE YAPPING ABOUT THEM DYING!"

Everybody stared.

"Sorry sir," Yusuke said sarcastically. Hiei kicked him in the shin and sent him hopping around on one leg whining and complaining.

"Anyway, let's just concentrate on finding the shards. I'm sure we'll hear something about them sooner or later," Inuyasha said, trailing off.

"Whether it be from them... Alive and physically well... or from Sesshoumaru... Alive to tell us that they are indeed _not_ physically well," Youko finished for him.

. . .

"Meet me in the crowd... People, people... Throw your love around... Love me, love me... Take it into town... Happy, happy... Put it in the ground where the flowers grow... Gold and silver shine," Shadow and Eclipse were singing ('Shiny Happy People' by R.E.M., don't own, have no affiliation with... Don't even own the CD, dammit.)

Meanwhile, poor Sesshoumaru couldn't plug his ears so he just walked along going, "La la la la la la la..." Loudly.

The girls ignored him, bouncing along holding his hands and singing.

"Shiny happy people holding hands, shiny happy people laughing... Everyone around... Love them, love them--"

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP?"

Everything went silent. Sesshoumaru was startled until he realized why. They were surrounded by demons.

Shadow screamed with fake horror, but it sounded rather genuine. Sesshoumaru slapped his hand over her mouth.

"Shut up, stupid! You attracted them with your infernal noise, making more of it would just cause you a faster death!"

"I always thought fast deaths were less painful..."

"Yeah, that's why I want you to shut up and have a slow one."

"You're mean!"

"I know."

It became apparent a few minutes later that it was no coincidence that these demons were there. Jaken stepped forward.

"Jaken?" Sesshoumaru said.

"YOU DUMB TOAD!" Shadow snapped. She crouched down to his level. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm helping my lord defeat you, you hideous creatures!"

"Pfffffffffff," the girls snorted.

"Get lost, ya toad!" Eclipse snapped.

"We're not hideous, either," Shadow said. "Most people find me highly attractive... I dunno about _Eclipse_, but--"

"Hey!" Eclipse snapped. "You're stupid _and_ mean!"

Shadow grinned. "Thank you!"

"STOP IGNORING ME!" Jaken yelled.

"Oh, I forgot you were there! You're so short, y'know, it's hard to notice you..." Shadow said, smirking.

"Just because I'm short doesn't mean I can't do serious damage to you!"

"Well just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I'm weak! I bet you couldn't hurt a hair on my head!"

"Shadow..." Sesshoumaru warned.

Shadow was promptly pounced on by about ten demons. In the process of mauling them, in order to properly maul them more properly, she unchained herself from Sesshoumaru and went on an insane killing spree with a tree branch as a weapon, as she does not carry a sword everywhere like Hiei does.

She knocked the last demon to the ground and stood there silent for a moment, looking around at the havoc she'd just wreaked, before laughing maniacally.

"With all her stupidity, I didn't think she'd be able to fight like that at all," Sesshoumaru said.

"Shadow! You didn't save me any!" Eclipse complained.

"Too slow! First come, first served!" Shadow said, pointing at Eclipse with the tree branch.

"Stupid child..." Eclipse muttered. Shadow continued laughing.

"You forgot about _me_!" Jaken said, jumping up to hit Shadow in the head. She looked at him levelly.

"Oh yeah. You. Get lost, Toady-Midget," Shadow said, hitting him aside with no effort whatsoever. "I forgot about you cuz you're tiny and helpless."

"Why, you!" Jaken snapped indignantly, jumping up.

"Eclipse, you wanna handle this?" Shadow asked.

"Ya!"

A second later, Eclipse was stomping all over Jaken, laughing maniacally.

Shadow stood at Sesshoumaru's side, her arms crossed as she watched and looked at her own handiwork proudly.

"What do you think of that, Mister Get-These-Weak-Stupid-Girls-Away-From-Me?" Shadow asked the dog demon. He stared at her.

"Can I change my name to Mister Protect-Me-From-These-Girls-Wraths?"

Shadow laughed maniacally.

"Not that you would hurt me, because you're too nice for that," Sesshoumaru added. Shadow stopped and tackled him.

"I wouldn't hurt you, eh?"

"You wouldn't. That's what I said."

"You're sadly mistaken! If you do anything worth my wrath, you shall have my wrath upon you!" she said valiantly, threateningly. Then added in a calmer, kinder tone, "But you're too sweet to do anything to piss me off or to hurt me."

"I'm not sweet! Get off me!"

Shadow laughed.

"Hey, Shadow, I think he's dead," Eclipse said, pointing to the pummeled Jaken on the ground. He had footprints all over his body and looked slightly deformed.

"Pity. Let's go," the other girl answered, standing up and pulling Sesshoumaru to his feet. "I wonder where Hiei and them people are?"

"They probably just headed west without us," Eclipse said.

"West! Let's go," Shadow said. "Fluffy, use your nose to try to find them."

"I don't _want_ to find them!"

"YES YOU DO! Don't you want to keep them out of your lands?" Shadow snapped.

"They're already in my lands," he admitted.

"Don't you want to make them leave your lands?"

"Yes, but you won't let me fight Inuyasha, so I have no way to get them out."

"Ever thought of asking nicely?"

Sesshoumaru snorted. "I'm _not nice_! How many times have I told you?"

"A lot, but I don't believe that bogus. You're just a big tough guy, like Hiei was before he was tainted by me and my me-ness..." Shadow said cheerfully. "It's just a matter of time until I find the _nice_ you under all this hair and fur and armor. And don't tell me there isn't a _nice you_ because that's bogus."

Sesshoumaru muttered something under his breath.

"I HEARD THAT!"

"Ahh! No you didn't!"

"I was standing right next to you! How could I have not?!"

"Because you're _deaf_ and _stupid_."

"THAT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING!"

"IT'S GOT EVERYTHING TO DO WITH SOMETHING!"

"WHAT?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"That makes two of us."

"Well it's _normal_ for _you_ to be braindead, but I always know what's going on! YOU'VE DRAINED ME OF MY INTELLIGENCE!"

"Oh yeah? And what did I do with it once it was out of your brain?"

"_I'm_ the one who should be asking that!"

"Cuz I surely didn't put it in _my_ head... You'd have noticed if I had."

"Well then what did you do with it, girl?!"

"ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Cuz it's still in your head, you're just now magically incapable of finding it. OH BRING ME A HOME, WHERE THE SESSHOUMARU'S ROAM, AND THE INUYASHA'S AND KAGOME'S PLAY! WHERE SELDOM YOU HEAR, ANYTHING ABOUT BEER, AND THE SKY IS FILLED WITH DEMONS INSTEAD OF CLOUDS!" Shadow sang.

"... Oi. Um... That didn't rhyme, Shadow," Eclipse said.

"I know!"

"Okay!"

And they commenced with their singing and skipping.

. . .

"So, Kagome, how close are the shards now?" Inuyasha asked.

"They're really close... I'd say we'll be on them in an hour," Kagome said.

"Really?" Youko said, nodding and sounding bored. "How interesting."

"I wonder if Koenma knows we fell through a magical well into the Warring States era," Hiei said dryly, spinning a twig with a single leaf on the end between his fingers as he walked.

"I'd say he probably does," Yusuke said. "I mean, he _is_ Koenma, after all."

"... Yes... I'd noticed..." Hiei said, looking at Yusuke skeptically out of the corner of his eye.

"But it's not doing us any good unless he does something about us being stuck here," Kuwabara said. "I mean, he can know all he wants but unless he changes it, knowing isn't helping us. Being smart doesn't solve everything..."

"Sure it does!" Youko said. "You wouldn't know that, though, since you're a braindead moron."

"Hey!"

"I thought _Eclipse_ was the braindead moron..." Hiei muttered.

"Oh. Oh yeah, that's right. She is. Well Kuwabara is just a clumsy oaf of low intellectual levels, then."

"Hey!!!"

"Hay is what barnyard animals eat, Kuwabara, and I suppose you would know, being a cow like you are," Hiei said.

"HEY! Hiei, I'm gonna beat you up!" Kuwabara then attempted to hit Hiei, missed so badly it was funny, and was poked in the eye with the twig Hiei'd been carrying.

"OWIES!"

"That's nice," Hiei said, unconcerned, and walked away.

"I wonder where Shadow and Eclipse are," Kagome said.

"Did we already go through the 'I wonder where those two baka girls are' stage, or didn't we?" Inuyasha snapped.

"I think we might have," Hiei said.

"I wanna go home," Kuwabara whined, rubbing at his eye.

"Boo. Hoo. Cry me a river," Youko said.

Then, and eerie sound came from behind them. Ooooooooooo. It sounded like this: "WWWWEEEEEEEEEE-OW!-EEEEEEEE-OWOW-EEEEEEEE!!!"

"That sounds all too familiar," Hiei said dryly, knowing exactly what it was. "Oddly. Y'know?"

Two girls and a Sesshoumaru came rolling down the path behind them, as it was a rather steep downhill path, and everybody had to dodge out of the way as they went flying past, kicking up tons of dust and scaring every living creature for miles around. They rolled down the hill and out of sight.

"...Well, apparently they found us," Hiei said. "Didn't I say they would?"

"I don't know. Did you?" Youko asked absently, watching the dust trail headed down the hill.

"Dunno. Come on." Hiei ran down the path after them. Everybody followed, and shortly arrived at the bottom of the hill, where a tangled mess of people lay, covered in dust. Quite a few villagers had been rolled over before they could get out of the way, but their sacrifice had helped the original rolling trio stop.

"If that ever happens to me again, I'll kill you both," Sesshoumaru growled, standing up and dragging the two happy girls up with him.

"Help... me..."

They looked down to realize they were standing on and crippling a poor old already-crippled ancient old man.

"Oops," Shadow and Eclipse said in unison. Sesshoumaru sighed heavily, staring up at the sky. Hiei arrived a second later and glared at them. The girls smiled innocently and dragged Sesshoumaru off the old cripple-ified man.

"Sorry old man," Shadow said, pulling him to his feet. Then she completely ignored him in favor of talking to Hiei (and therefore didn't notice the guy collapse of a heart attack). She pointed to Sesshoumaru. "We found Fluffy, could you tell?"

"Yes. I could."

"Inuyasha, the Jewel shards are in this village!" Kagome said suddenly from a few feet away.

"Where at, exactly?"

"That way," she said, pointing. And they all went parading into the village. Well, maybe not _parading..._ Well, at least not _all_ of them were parading... Can you guess who was? If you said anyone but Shadow and Eclipse, you must be mentally retarded and would get along well with those two girls. :D

**. . .**

"Yes, we have shards of the Shikon jewel, but we aren't going to just _give them away_."

The group had found the exact location of the shards: A large temple/shrine-like mansion kinda thingy belonging to the village's leader.

"Look here, old man--" Inuyasha started.

"What can we do to persuade you?" Miroku asked, clamping his hand over Inuyasha's mouth.

"You have to prove yourselves worthy of having these shards," the leader told them. Most of the group sighed and rolled their eyes.

"And may I ask what that entails?" Youko asked dryly.

"A competition."

"Well yes, I had guessed as much..."

"Please, enlighten us," Miroku said.

"The one who carries the shards is a very powerful demon. If you can defeat him, he will give you the shards."

"That seems simple enough," Hiei said.

"SIMPLE PIMPLE!" Shadow sang. Sesshoumaru clubbed her in the head. She cowered.

"We never told you the powers of the Shikon Jewel, did we..." Sango said.

"Yes, I think I know about it," Hiei said thoughtfully. He turned to the village leader. "Would this be a one-on-one fight?"

"It would be however he wants it to be."

"Well then, where is he?" Inuyasha snapped. "Let me beat the crap out of him, get the shards, and we'll be on our way."

The other man laughed hysterically.

"I bet I could beat him up," Shadow said. Sesshoumaru groaned.

"Just because you and Eclipse can pummel some weak demons and stomp all over Jaken doesn't mean you could defeat a demon that possesses many shards of the Shikon Jewel."

"Yadda yadda..."

"I'll send for him, and I'll also tell the villagers they'll need to dig a few graves..." the leader said.

"You'll only need to dig one grave," Inuyasha told him, "and that will be for the demon that has the shards right now."

The man laughed again.

They hung around a few more minutes until the villager that had been sent to get the demon came back.

"He's waiting around the back," the man said. The village leader (A/N: MAN, I'M GETTING SICK OF TYPING THAT! His name's gonna be Bob here soon... Jeez...) led them all around to the back of his temple/shrine/mansion thingy and they caught the first glimpse of their opponent.

A tall guy on horseback, dressed in armor, holding his helmet under one arm, was in front of them. He had a sword on his belt, a quiverful of arrows on his back, and the bow in his hand. He had black hair, dark skin, and pink eyes...

"He's got Jewel shards in both arms and legs, and one behind his headband," Kagome said. "Plus a few in the pouch on his belt!"

Ah, the cheesy challenge of it all. To make it worse...

"Sesshoumaru?!" the guy said, recognizing the white-haired demon. "I never knew you were after the jewel shards..."

Sesshoumaru groaned. "I'm not, Umidori."

"You're not? Then why, may I ask, are you with this group?"

"It's not important."

"Sure it is! I'd like to know!"

"Wait a minute..." Inuyasha said. "You know this freak?"

"Um, yes, sort of. He's a nuisance."

"Oh... I'm hurt!" Umidori said.

"You need to be."

"Hmph. See if I cut _you_ any slack when we fight!"

"I'm not fighting you," Sesshoumaru said.

"Who exactly _is_, then?"

"Me," came eight voices, one much more cheerful than all the rest.

"Well, well... I have quite a challenge here, don't I! Well... I believe that I have the right to choose my first opponent, don't you...?"

When no one objected, he continued. "Would my challengers step forward?"

Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango, Hiei, Youko, Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Shadow stepped forward. However, Shadow was promptly jerked back by Sesshoumaru. She strained wildly, screaming like a small child that didn't get its candy at the grocery store.

"I WANNA FIIIIIGHT HIM!!"

"No you don't," Sesshoumaru said. He dragged her back and Hiei pushed her back by her shoulders.

"I. WANT. TO. FIGHT. HIM!" she howled, straining against the two demons.

"No. You. Don't!" Sesshoumaru snapped.

"You aren't allowed to fight him," Hiei snapped.

"SAYS WHO?!"

"_ME_!"

Umidori, meanwhile, was watching with a smile. "I've chosen."

Everyone froze. He pointed at Shadow.

"_You_ will fight me."

"WOOHOO!" she cheered, jumping up in the air. Hiei looked horrified, and all the other challengers looked angry.

"_Her!?_ That's not fair!" Inuyasha said. "You aren't fighting her! She doesn't even have a weapon!"

Shadow slammed him in the side of the head with her fist. "I HAVE MORE WEAPONS THAN YOU THINK, EE-NEW-Y**A**-SH**A**!!!"

"No you don't, Shadow. Not to fight a guy with a sword," Hiei said.

"I've chosen," Umidori said, smirking. "There's no changing it now, not until I beat her."

"Here," Shadow said, snapping her cuff onto Hiei's wrist.

"Hey! No, I'm not going be chained to Sesshoumaru if you're fighting this guy!"

"Fine," Shadow grumbled, taking off the cuff and grabbing Yusuke. "Yusuke, since you don't care about me and you're not fighting, your wrist is quite available." She snapped it onto him and paraded up to Umidori and his horse.

"I shall pummel thee," she said, looking up at him.

"We'll see…"

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

**Well, apparently fanfiction is gonna be on a read-only level for a couple days so I dunno when I'll update next. School starts on the 30th... I have two weeks to work on this story unhindered by outside influences of doom. I think I'm gonna have to write an autobiography for 9th grade English. That'll be fun. Oh yes. It will be fun. It will be long, comical, and totally making fun of me... And I'm the one writing it. O.o Well that makes sense... Not... But I'll like that. Cuz I like writing!  
**This story's already got 88 reviews, and I'm not done yet... Eclipse says it's gonna be my longest story, or my second longest, but I'm not sure. It might be by words, but not chapters... It's already 18,000 something according to Microsoft Word, without all the review responses.


	6. The Odd Abilities of Random Doom

**This chapter is 9 pages long in Microsoft Word...  
By the way, I have 107 REVIEWS on this story so far! Yay! I love you all... Not really, cuz love is evil... I said that to my mother and she got mad. O.o Oops.  
ONWARD TO THE REVIEWS!**

**Nilkanown-** Yeah, the Almighty Retarded Shadow... Heh heh. Well, I guess you'd be starting school todayyyy...? Why do people start school on Thursday?! I always have to start on a Monday, then my first weekend is a three day Labor Day weekend, thank GOD... Or I'd die. But I don't wanna go to school, cuz then I can't stay up to watch Inuyasha except on Saturdays! ::sob:: And also, school sucks, so... Yah.  
**Carri-** Yeah, poor Sesshie got his arm cut off... Really early... ::sob:: And he keeps stealing arms then they get destroyed or flawed or something... Poor Fluffy. Crappy luck he's got...  
**Flame 34-** ::bursts out laughing:: I'd like to see that... A chipmunk, about the size of a hamster, which eats seeds and nuts, kill and eat a weasel, which kills chickens and sucks their blood. And bunny rabbits, too. Yeah. That's be funny. I think I'll draw that!  
**Black Cat-** Jail! What fun! I'm gonna end up there for like, murdering this one prep I hate, and for murdering the phys. ed. teacher and mostly everyone on the schoolboard... They will pay for their acts of attempted education they have inflicted upon me... And then I'll blow up the school. But they won't be able to trace it to me. Shhhhh! Because I have allies! Shhhhhhhhhh!  
**C.C.C.-** Rock on! Woohoo! Peace out, dude...! Ahh! Hippie! Die! ::kills random hippie for no apparent reason::  
**Bar-Ohki-** Ah! Another immortal! I shall kill you with my immortally doomiful wrath! Wait, no, cuz then you couldn't review my stories... Yes you can! From Reikai! AND IF YOU DON'T, I'LL HAVE KOENMA BRING YOU BACK SO I CAN _KILL YOU AGAIN_! MUWAHA! Just kidding. OR _AM I?_  
**Zenisilver-** ::stares:: Okee... ::inches away::  
**Water-Rose-** People think YOU'RE weird? Muwaha. My wrath will be upon the high school... People will think I'm INSANE! Especially in my art class... I doubt if I'd be allowed to draw anime characters, so I'll draw Shadow a lot. Muwaha.  
**Saeble-** Yay! Good jobness! We're happy!  
**kiyonekage-** Yeah, the Geico thing, I just couldn't help myself. It just appeared in my head. Glad you like my story so much. :D  
**SilverStar-AquarianAngel-** Ah, yes. Rin. Well, we can't be having her anywhere near Shadow, can we? Yes, cuz Shadow likes to scare and/or eat small children... Or at least suck out their souls... Or threaten to...  
**Mari Youma-** That's like Chinese water torture... Except I think they drop the water on the person's forehead...  
**phycotic person-** What's a pengal...? Sould I know?  
**Kuramakicksass-** I update... Uh... What, like, two days later... Yay!  
**The Princess-** You read my stories at work?! Eeek. That could be hazardous to your occupation... O.o  
**Silver Lena-** Yes it would... You see Kuwabara's head go rolling down the path... And a bird swoops down and eats it.  
**LivingImpared-** Uber spiffy? Interesting... I shall contemplate this. ::dies from over-contemplation half a split second later::

**CHAPTER SIX  
**The Odd Abilities of Random Doom

Umidori led them to the edge of a large field.

"This will be our arena," he explained. He dismounted his black warhorse and tied it to a tree. "Follow me."

"Are you _sure_ you want to fight a puny girl like Shadow?" Miroku asked.

"I'm sure, monk," Umidori said over his shoulder.

"Stop trying to convince him! You'll end up _losing_ if _you_ fight him!" Shadow snapped. She then danced out into the field behind Umidori.

"Does she have some hidden power we don't know about?" Miroku asked Hiei.

"If she does, like you said, we don't know about it... Not even me," Hiei replied. "Though she does have The Odd Abilities of Random Doom, those are random and I'm not sure she controls that stuff..."

"Like what?"

"Vanishing, turning into goo, appearing out of no where right in front of you when you're ten miles away from her... Stuff like that."

"... She's done all that?"

"Yeah."

"Well let's hope she can control it..."

Meanwhile, Shadow was facing Umidori, striking random poses. "I shall defeat thee with my immense skills in the art of Ninjutsu!"

"She hasn't got any skills in Ninjutsu..." Eclipse muttered.

"Well _he_ doesn't know that," Youko said.

"I think he knows very well that she hasn't got _any_ skills. Period," Sesshoumaru said.

"Well, that's not really true," Hiei said. "She's got skills in some things. Like, for example, uh... Well, she can... No... But... Well, she can cook, but that's not gonna help us."

"Hiei, you're really not giving us much comfort," Yusuke said. "You're supposed to be the confident, supportive boyfriend of the girl who's about to get the shit beat out of her. Not the pessimistic little weirdo fire demon..."

"... But I _am_ a pessimistic little weirdo fire demon..."

Yusuke snorted, but didn't reply, as Umidori had started talking.

"You may use any weapon you have, any accessories, such as... Well... You don't have any... And you can give up whenever you see fit. Any questions?"

"Aye, yeah. Where do you want to be buried after I kill you?" Shadow asked curiously. Umidori laughed.

"I like your sense of humor, girl."

"Glad to hear it," Shadow said, not sounding particularly glad. More like bored, or annoyed. "Can we fight now?"

"Sure." The man drew his sword and sped towards Shadow, not much more than a blur because of the Shikon shards in his legs. He stopped abruptly, his face merely two inches from Shadow's, grinning. Nobody but Youko and the two dog demons heard what he whispered to Shadow that made her turn purple and punch him in the face, sending him spinning through the air to slam into the ground ten feet away.

"What did he just say?" Yusuke asked.

"That _pervert_!" Youko said, outraged.

"What?!" Miroku asked. "What did he say?"

Inuyasha leaned over and whispered something in Miroku's ear.

"That lecher! How could he--"

Inuyasha put his hand over Miroku's mouth before he could finish. "There's children among us, remember."

Shippou looked up.

"I heard it, but I don't know what he meant..."

"GOOD. You're too young."

Meanwhile, back with the fight, Umidori was taunting Shadow.

"Your hits are soft. I knew there was no chance a girl could truly injure me. You're all talk."

"Oh? All talk, eh? Well I have somebody who'd like to talk to you!" Shadow snapped. She pulled a crowbar out of her back pocket (It's one of her Odd Abilities of Random Doom...).

"This is Bob the Crowbar! Meet his wrath!"

Hiei groaned. "I'm glad I never saw her fight before. She's just as stupid when her life's on the line as when she's sitting safely at home..."

Umidori, meanwhile, was running in circles around Shadow, pausing at intervals to shout some insult or taunt her.

"I can't believe this is what we have to depend on to win us those Shikon shards," Miroku said. "Women aren't supposed to fight, especially when it's Shadow we're talking about. She _can't_ fight..."

"I HEARD THAT, MONK!" Shadow snapped. She'd already set half the field on fire in attempts to hit Umidori with a fireball, but now she flung one directly at Miroku.

"Ahh!!!"

"What was _that_?" Umidori asked. "You're fighting _me_, not _him_... If you can call this fighting..."

"I call this YOU BEING A PANSY!" Shadow shouted, flinging a fireball. Umidori leapt into the air. "COME DOWN HERE AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN, if indeed that is what you are..."

Luckily, Umidori did not hear the last part, because Shadow said it under her breath. He smirked and plummeted from the sky towards her, sword ready. She blocked the swing with her crowbar, but was overpowered and sent tumbling through the fire from the impact. She stood up a few feet away and looked at herself. Her shirt had a small fire burning up it at the bottom, and her pants were smouldering in several places.

"I'M ON FIRE! I'M ON FIRE!" she screamed, running in circles waving her arms like a lunatic. Hiei let out an exasperated, annoyed shout (like 'augh' or something, only different).

"Hey Shadow! You forget that YOU CAUSED THAT FIRE A FEW SECONDS AGO! YOU'RE A FIRE DEMON, REMEMBER?" Youko shouted. Shadow stopped and stood there looking awestruck for a second.

"Wow... I am, aren't I!" All the fire on her clothes and within a three-foot radius was instantly extinguished. "Would you look at that! I am powerful in the art of fire wooooooop!"

"Look out!" Kagome yelled, pointing at Umidori just as he let an arrow fly. Shadow looked at him. She found the time to scream and wave her arms around as the arrow flew towards her, but somehow she couldn't find the time to _dodge_...

"**YOU IDIOT!**" Inuyasha screamed. The arrow plunged into Shadow's shoulder. She stopped dead, stared at Umidori in horror, then looked at her shoulder and screamed, waving her arms and making wild gestures, pointing at it and blubbering insanely before she finally turned to her friends and pointed calmly at Umidori.

"He _shot_ me!" she said in a British accent. Hiei groaned and restrained the urge to dart out there and punch her. Shuichi nagged in the back of Youko's head to go help her until Youko snapped that she was burning all the plant life and he would therefore be of little help unless he directly went out and took over, and she wouldn't stand for that, injured or not, and that's not even mentioning what Umidori would do. Kagome, meanwhile, was nagging at Inuyasha for the same reason.

"I can't help her," Inuyasha snapped. "It's her _stupid_ fight! She got herself into it, I'm not getting her out!"

"_Somebody_ help her!" Kagome pleaded.

"I NEED NO HELP!" Shadow shouted. She pointed at the arrow sticking out of her shoulder. "THIS WOUND IS OF NO CONSEQUENCE! I BATTLE ON DESPITE MY INJURIES!" She grabbed the arrow and jerked it out of her shoulder. "Oh, that hurt..." And she then proceeded to stand there talking to herself about it for the next few minutes... And she also talked to the arrow... And to the bleeding wound that the said arrow had caused...

"SHADOW, PAY ATTENTION! HE'S GONNA SHOOT AGAIN, BAKA!" Hiei shouted. The arrow flew. Shadow looked at it and screamed, then ducked at the last second and it went over her head. Umidori shot the rest of his arrows at her and she dodged every single one using strange gymnastics and seemingly turning herself into rubber at times.

"MEET MY WRATH!" she screamed, dodging the last arrow and flinging herself towards Umidori. He dodged her swing and jumped into the air again. Shadow followed.

"I will win!" she shouted.

"You talk too damn much!" Umidori snapped.

Shadow appeared behind him somehow and slammed him in the back of the head with a crowbar, sending him plummeting to the ground.

"That had to hurt," Eclipse said.

Umidori looked up at her from where he lay on the ground with a big ol' gash on the back of his head, bleeding all over the charred grass. Then he laughed.

"Her strength is nothing compared to mine! I could kill her in one swipe!"

Gravity finally took effect on Shadow, though it seemed to be multiplied by about ten as she dropped to the ground, like a brick in ten times Earth's normal gravity. Her elbow connected with Umidori's stomach and he doubled over, coughing. She then pranced away with urgency.

"Okay, that pissed me off," the man snarled, standing up. He shot at her and hit her towards a nearby out-of-control field fire (that she'd started...). She soared backwards and landed in the flames. Umidori walked closer. When he was only a few feet away from the dark form in the fire, it lunged out and tackled him. Once he was pinned and burnt everywhere his bare skin had touched her, Shadow put out the fires.

"This is just dumb luck..." Sesshoumaru noted. "She's just being her normal _baka_ self and is somehow managing to hurt him."

"That's not completely true," Youko said. "She did manage to hit him in the head... That was intentional, but I think everything else, like you said, was luck, or Umidori's fault because he underestimates her stupidity..."

"How is she managing to fight with that wounded shoulder?" Sango asked. "That was a bad puncture."

"She's too stupid to feel the pain," Hiei guessed.

Shadow, meanwhile, was reprimanding Umidori.

"I'd like to have some _clothes_ left after I kill you, so STOP TRYING TO BURN 'EM ALL OFF, YA LECHER!"

Yes, indeed, Shadow had holes burnt through all her clothes from the fire. Not big holes, and they didn't reveal anything certain men shouldn't see, but they were holes, and they were there, and she had no replacement clothes.

Umidori growled and rolled Shadow over so he pinned her. "Look, girl, you _can't_ beat me! You're _weak_!"

"HA, HA, HA!" Shadow then latched onto his wrist with her fangs and wouldn't let go. He swung her around and hit her and tried to pry her mouth off, but she just kept gnawing away.

When he finally _did_ manage to dislodge her, his wrist looked like a small shark had gotten a hold of it, all shredded and whatnot like it was, and the Shikon shard that had been embedded in his skin was... In Shadow's mouth. She spit it, along with a lot of Umidori's flesh and blood, out into her hand. Picking out the shard, she flung the bloody gory glop to the ground, wiped the jewel shard off on her pants, and walked over to Inuyasha, holding it out to him.

"This is one of those jewely thingies you were looking for, right?"

"Uh, yeah..." Inuyasha said, surprised. He took it from her and stared at it.

"How's your shoulder?" Kagome asked, sounding concerned.

"What shoulder?" Shadow asked stupidly.

"The one that got _shot_!" Hiei snapped, looking at her bloodstained shirt to see for himself how the wound was.

"I got shot?" Shadow asked, curious. She looked at her left shoulder curiously, then at her injured right shoulder and screamed, pointing. "I GOT _SHOT_!!!"

"Yeah," Umidori said, picking up one of the arrows he'd shot at Shadow earlier and nocking it in his bow. "And this time I WON'T MISS YOUR HEART!" He drew back the string and let the arrow fly. Inuyasha pulled Shadow out of the way and the arrow hit the ground several feet away.

"Missed!" Shadow said.

"I won't stop until you're dead," Umidori snarled. "All of you. Even **you**, _Lord _Sesshoumaru."

"Yes, well there's a problem with that," Youko said calmly.

"What?"

Vines that had been slithering along the ground, undetected, now jumped up and grabbed Umidori's ankles and wrists, lifting him up above the ground and holding him tightly to keep him from drawing his sword.

"Damn you!"

A gory death scene commenced, involving whoever you think should have killed this snob.

"Well now we've got eight more shards," Inuyasha said.

"What about the shiny thingies in the horse's saddle bag, and the ones in the building?" Shadow asked, pointing to the two locations.

"What? Kagome, are there...?"

"Yeah! I didn't notice before because I was distracted... Wait, how did _Shadow_...?!"

"It's _magical_!" Shadow said, making waves with her arms so they looked like rubber. "Ow! Hey, why does my shoulder hurt?!"

Yes, she _is_ that stupid.

She looked at her shoulder and screamed, pointing at it and jumping up and down.

"I'M BLEEDING! I'M BLEEDING! I'M GONNA DIE! IT'LL GET INFECTED AND PUS WILL OOZE OUT AND IT'LL FESTER AND GROW UNTIL IT EATS AWAY MY ENTIRE BODY!" She collapsed, screaming and rolling around holding her shoulder like a dying animal that could do nothing but lie on the ground while its limbs flop around uselessly and it suffers and twitches! Muwahaha!

"Shadow, you're fine," Hiei said, slightly irked.

"No I am NOT! I'm gonna _die_!"

"You'll _be_ fine if you let me--"

"NO! YOU CANNOT FORCE ME TO BEAR YOUR CHILD!"

Hiei's eye twitched. "Shadow, I'm not doing anything _like_ that!"

"Oh yeah? Then why are you plotting to let Youko rape me?!"

Hiei's eyes widened. "I wasn't!"

"That's what you say now! Deny it all you want, but I heard you conspiring with that _monk_! You're all gonna gang up on me and take turns! Well you just saw me whip this Shikon demon guy, so you're better be rethinking that plan!" Shadow screamed, on her feet and pointing an accusing finger centimeters from Hiei's face. His eye twitched again.

"You're delusional..."

"Oh _AM I_? Maybe it's _you_ who's delusional!" Shadow accused, lunging at Hiei and tackling him. "You think you can judge me, but you're afraid to be judged!"

Hiei just sighed. "Um... Sorry?"

"ARE YOU?!" she snapped, grabbing the front of his shirt. "OW! Pain in shoulder..."

She looked at her shoulder, went chalk white, and collapsed sideways onto the ground, lying there still and silent (MY GOD! It must be the apocalypse... Shadow is _silent_...).

Hesitantly, Hiei got up and poked her side. She didn't move. He stared at her for a few minutes.

"She passed out," he informed everyone else.

"Are you serious...?" Youko asked. He walked over and knelt beside her. "Are you sure she didn't die?"

"This girl _will not die_. Surely you know that!"

"Oh yeah. She probably passed out from blood loss; that's more logical."

"She probably passed out from _brain loss_," Inuyasha said. "That's even _more_ logical."

"Yes... Well, let's go," Youko said, picking up the unconscious baka girl. "We'll take care of her wound in the village. I'm sure the leader will let us stay at his lovely establishment, since we're the most powerful people around, and he wouldn't want to anger us..." He shot a meaningful look at the village leader, who had watched the entire fight as well, several yards away from Inuyasha, Yusuke, and their respective groups.

"Of course!" the man said meekly. He led the group to his place of residence and showed them all rooms they could stay in.

"I'll have a feast prepared in your honor..." he said, turning to leave. Hiei grabbed his shoulder, startling him so bad he practically screamed.

"Forgetting something?" he asked sternly. The guy was trembling.

"O-of c-c-course..." he stuttered. "Bandages and medicines for your friend... I'll s-s-send s-s-somebody with them..."

"Good." Hiei released him with a bit of a push forward, making him stumble. Then the guy hurried away fearfully.

"You could have been a little more friendly," Kagome said.

"Why? He's a coward, and he wants Shadow to die for defeating Umidori. Do you really expect me to be friendly to a guy who wants my friend dead?"

"Now how do you know he wants her dead?!" Kagome asked, annoyed. "You just assume--"

"I _know_, Kagome," Hiei said, his Jagan glowing purple through the bandana.

"What's that?"

"_I read minds_," Hiei said spookily. Kagome backed up a step.

"Hiei, cut it out," Yusuke said. Hiei snapped to attention and looked at him innocently.

"I wasn't doing anything..."

Kagome stomped off, muttering something about Hiei in a rather annoyed tone of voice. Everyone watched her go into her room and slam the door.

"Thanks, Hiei," Inuyasha said sarcastically.

Hiei opened his mouth to reply, but just then his attention was drawn to a little girl that barely came up above his waist. She handed him a tray with clean cloth, bandages, a bowl of warm water, etc etc etc that you need to clean and heal a deep bloody arrow puncture...

"C'mon Youko," Hiei said, leading the fox down the hall to an empty room. Miroku followed, muttering something about blessings.

"What the! Yeah, I'm letting three guys be alone in a room with Shadow when she's unconscious!" Eclipse said. She added in a whisper, "Three guys she was accusing of plotting to rape her..." Then she dragged Sesshoumaru and Yusuke into the room they'd taken Shadow to.

"What? Do you all have to be in here?" Hiei asked.

"Yes," came four voices. Sesshoumaru was silently sulking, as he had no choice.

"Eclipse, get Yusuke and Sesshoumaru out of here," Hiei said.

"What?! I can help!" Yusuke said.

"How?"

"I, uh... Well, I can stand watch! To make sure no one else comes in here!"

Hiei glared. "Let's see, there's only five people who _aren't already in here_. And besides, if you want to stand watch, you can stand _outside_ and watch..."

"He's kindly telling you to get lost, Yusuke," Sesshoumaru said.

"I can't get lost!" He held up his wrist.

Youko sighed and stood up. He grabbed Yusuke's shoulders, pushed him out of the door, put Sesshoumaru in the doorway, and let Eclipse stay in the room.

"Problem solved," he said. Yusuke grumbled something. "Get over it, Yusuke."

Well, half an hour or so later, everybody but Shadow was gathered around an extremely large feast when Shadow herself came bursting into the room.

"Who bandaged this?!" she snapped, pointing at her shoulder. Hiei raised his hand, as he couldn't say anything through his mouthful of food.

"Oh." She relaxed slightly, then narrowed her eyes. "And who else was in the room?"

Hesitantly, Youko, Miroku, Sesshoumaru, and Eclipse all raised their hands.

"YOU LET THOSE TWO PERVERTS IN THE ROOM WHEN YOU WERE BANDAGING MY SHOULDER?!"

"Well... Youko did provide some herbal medicine stuff..." Hiei said after swallowing his food. "And Miroku did some blessing thingy, but I doubt that did any good..."

"Hey!" Miroku said, offended.

"Grrrrrrrrr... Still, you shouldn't have let them in! And if there wasn't a giant feast laid out here, I'd be bludgeoning you! But there is, so I won't!" Shadow promptly lunged at the nearest dish and started inhaling it. Everyone else quickly piled their plates with as much food as they would be able to eat before Shadow went through every dish.

After their wonderful feast, everybody was just sitting around looking tired, and Shadow was lying spread-eagle on the floor near Sesshoumaru, so Hiei walked over and sat down next to her.

"How's your shoulder?"

"Peachy. Hey, where's Umidori's horse?"

"His horse? I don't know... Should I know? Wait, why do you care?"

"Because that horse is now mine!" Shadow said cheerfully, sitting up.

"What? We don't need a horse! What use do you have for a horse?!" Hiei snapped.

"What use does she have for _you_?" Eclipse asked. "And yet she lets you hang around..."

"I _live_ with her!"

"Hiei has plenty of uses!" Shadow said, wrapping her arms around his waist and leaning against him. Eclipse stared, wide-eyed.

"That's gonna put the wrong impression in some poor person's mind," Inuyasha said.

"Well at least we aren't as bad as her and _Kurama_," Shadow shot back.

"What?! There is nothing between us!" Eclipse screamed. "What the heck do you mean by that?!"

"I saw you guys... Making out in that tree like that..." Shadow said slyly, grinning.

"You lie!"

"I do not! Explain how come you always seem to be near him!"

"I'm not near him now! He's clear over there!" Eclipse pointed to an empty space between Miroku and Inuyasha, all the way across the room.

"..."

"Why are you looking at me like that? He's over-- No, he's not. Where is he?"

Youko tapped Eclipse on the shoulder and made her jump.

"GAH! STAY AWAY!"

"Hallucinating... That's a bad sign, Eclipse," Hiei said sadly, shaking his head.

"I'm not hallucinating! He was over there a second ago! Anyway, if I'm always near him, it's because he comes to me! But I know that's not how you two are! I saw you making out in your swimming pool in Shadow's back yard!" Eclipse accused, pointing.

"Now Eclipse, while you're making up stories, couldn't you think of a more creative place for two people to make out...?"

"I'M NOT MAKING IT UP!"

"Of _course_ not..."

"You know what? You people make me mad! I'm going to bed!" She got up and stomped away, only realizing halfway down the hall that she was dragging Sesshoumaru and Yusuke. She came stomping back in, just as Shadow was saying "She's just jealous cuz _she_ doesn't live with Hiei and have him walking around half naked all the time..."

"**I'M NOT JEALOUS!**" Eclipse threw a plate at Shadow and knocked her out cold.

"I've told her a million times not to refer to me as half-naked..." Hiei muttered.

"Why? Are you completely naked?" Yusuke asked.

"NO!"

"Yeah, I know. You prance around without a shirt on half the time..."

"_Prance_?"

"We all know you're just showing off to try to impress Shadow and get her in your bed..."

"What? No! You-- Argh. I give up. You're stupid," Hiei said. He looked down at Shadow, then up at Eclipse. "Why did you do that...? She's already injured enough..."

"No she's not. She ticked me off, she needs to be even more injured," Eclipse said.

"What, would it be a _bad_ thing to make out with Kurama?" Hiei asked. "You get all offended, but isn't it better than being accused of making out with Kuwabaka, the pillow-kisser, for example?"

"What?!" Kuwabara snapped.

"Yeah, look at it that way and it's not _as_ bad, but... I _wasn't_ looking at it that way."

"Well Shadow's gonna kill you when she wakes up."

"No she's not." Eclipse grabbed Hiei's wrist and snapped her cuff onto him, then freed Yusuke to chain Shadow up.

"There! Now drag her off to your room and you guys can make sure I don't die!" she said cheerfully.

"And _why_ exactly, would we care if you died?" Sesshoumaru asked. Eclipse kicked his leg.

"Because I'm NICER than Shadow!"

"... Are you really..."

"Yes! I am!"

"How do you figure _that_?" Hiei asked.

"Because it's true and no one can argue with that!"

"... I think we _are_..." Hiei said.

"Are what?" Eclipse asked cluelessly, looking confused.

"Arguing," Sesshoumaru said. Eclipse looked even more confused.

"Arguing with what?"

Sesshoumaru slowly fell over. Hiei just groaned and hit himself in the forehead.

"Forget it. I thought you were going to bed..."

"Oh yeah!" She skipped out of the room.

"Idiot," Inuyasha muttered.

"No kidding..."

**. . .**

"So where are we going now that we got those shards?" Yusuke asked.

"Why are you asking? We just woke up..."

"You can't say as much for Shadow," Youko said. He pointed to the only room in the hall with a closed door.

"Maybe she's dead," Eclipse said. She walked down the hall and pushed open the sliding door. Then she blinked, closed it, rubbed her eyes, and opened it again.

"What is it?" Inuyasha asked, slightly worried since he knew Sesshoumaru had been in there (worried that Fluffy had killed them all or something).

"Well..."

Everybody moved down the hall and looked into the room. Inuyasha raised an eyebrow. Nope, his brother definitely hadn't killed anyone.

Shadow was asleep on Sesshoumaru's lap, her head resting on his chest and her arms around his waist. He had one hand on her side. Hiei was sitting next to Sesshoumaru, fast asleep, partially leaning on the dog demon.

Inuyasha coughed. "Hey Sesshoumaru!" he hissed. His elder brother's eyes snapped open, looking slightly more red than usual before the glow faded and he closed one eye to look at the group tiredly.

"What?"

"Become a pillow now, have you?"

"Shut up, baka hanyou..."

Inuyasha looked annoyed. Youko snickered and walked up to Hiei. He jabbed him in the chest. "Oi, Hiei!"

"Hnn?" Hiei mumbled, his head snapping up.

"Wake up, sleepy. You've made a pillow out of Sesshoumaru here..."

Hiei looked at his 'pillow,' then back at Youko. "Yes, well Shadow wouldn't let us sleep."

"Oh? She looks pretty cozy, though... Why isn't she on _your_ lap?"

"Cause I told her to get lost."

"Why?!" Youko asked, appalled. "Why would you do something stupid like that?"

"Because we were awake until three o'clock, talking and playing cards and whatnot. All I wanted to do was sleep."

"Didn't seem to be too tired to me," Sesshoumaru said. "Looked to me like you didn't mind it at all. It's normal for you to be up that late, remember?"

"Shut up, Fluffy," Hiei snapped. Sesshoumaru growled slightly.

"Look guys, let's just get some breakfast, then we'll head out to wherever," Miroku said, playing the part of peacekeeper.

"BREAKFAST?!" Shadow said excitedly, sitting bolt upright. "Where?!"

"God..." Yusuke muttered. Shadow jumped up.

"Oh, good morning everyone, if indeed it is morning!" she said cheerfully. Then she glared. "Now where's my breakfast?"

"Somewhere _else_," Yusuke answered.

"Well WHERE'S THAT?!"

"Not here."

"You are aware you were sleeping on my brother's lap, aren't you?" Inuyasha asked.

"Huh?" Shadow looked down at Sesshoumaru. "Oh. Yeah. So?"

"That's not safe."

"Why not?"

"He might get pissed and kill you."

"Oh, come on, don't tell me I know your brother better than _you_ do!"

"What?"

"Fluffy wouldn't hurt me, let alone kill me! He's just a big softie, like Hiei. That's why they get along so well."

"Oh, yeah, Hiei and his pink bunnies!" Miroku said, remembering the conversation from a few days prior.

"I _hate_ pink!" Hiei snapped.

"Kurama likes pink..." Shadow said. "He's in touch with his feminine side."

"What?!" Youko yelped, horrified. He punched Shadow in the head.

"Ow! Hey! Dammit, don't try to distract me! Where's my breakfast?!"

"Bossy thing, isn't she?" Sango said.

"Yes! No! No I'm not!"

"Easily confused, too," Miroku added.

"No breakfast for you until I check on that wound," Hiei said, pointing to Shadow's shoulder.

"Wound?" She looked around and spotted her bandaged shoulder through a hole in her shirt. Her eyes widened, she pointed to it and moved her mouth soundlessly, then promptly collapsed. Sesshoumaru, however, managed to catch her before she hit the ground.

"What is _wrong_ with this girl?!"

"Who knows... I do wish she'd stop doing that, though," Hiei said.

"I'm gonna go poke around in the kitchen," Eclipse said, walking away.

Everyone else muttered some agreements and followed, stranding Hiei and Sesshoumaru (who, by the way, wasn't chained to anyone) to take care of baka Shadow...

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

**Now wasn't that fun?**


	7. The Bloodthirsty Dust Bunnies from Hell

**C.C.C.-** Blood... Yum... I mean... Uh... ::shifty eyes:: Uh, like... Run away!!!  
**LivingImpared-** Ork! Oops. He didn't, did he... Ssk. Well that's odd.  
**Draikitha-** Hiei and Shadow are cute? Why? O.o And no, it wouldn't be bad to make out with Kurama, but Eclipse gets horrified when they accuse her of this stuff... Either because she has a major crush on Kurama and doesn't want anyone to know, or she hates his guts and really doesn't like him... In that way... I like tormenting people... Muwahahaha...  
**Jasmine101-** Yelling the yelly parts? Eee. Was anybody around to hear this?  
**Koneko Chibi-** Yeah. She's dense. Her brain is so small, it can't process pain and complex muscle control at the same time (like fighting)... Yeah, that's it... ::shifty eyes::  
**xkuroxshinobix-** The world may never know... OooooOOOOoooOOOoOOoOooOOo...  
**lita kitsune-** Shhh... It's secret. Either that or I could just say 'the world may never know' but I already said that to somebody... But the world might not ever know, so it'd just be truthful if I said that...  
**Nilkanowen-** I have less than a week before school starts... And you know what that means... Less frequent updates. RUN AND HIDE! The minions of doom (of which there is many) will drain your mind for Shadow's purposes!  
**Risika Karew-** The Gestapo, eh? That makes me think of Hogan's Heroes... I loved that show... But TVLAND DOESN'T SHOW IT ANYMORE... Damn them. Good thing I taped some! :D  
**Robin Autumn-** Good to hear! Because if you die, I'll send Dr. Miroku on over to you to give you CPR.  
**UnicornGirl-DragonLady-** I was wondering if anyone would notice that Pirates of the Caribbean quote... WOOHOO FOR POTC! I've watched it a million times since last Christmas... Eheheheheheh... In fact I think I'm gonna watch it again tonight... Oooo...  
**Black Cat-** You couldn't beat Youko at cards! He CHEATS doomifully! Dooooooomifully... Wooooooo! The suspenseful music! OOooooooh Nooooooooo... Ahem. Anyway... O.o By the way, 'chick flick' isn't even in my vocabulary... I watch stuff like Pirates of the Caribbean, The Last Samurai, and Bruce Almighty... Muwahahaha... Funny stuff and violent stuff (God, The Last Samurai was VI-O-LENT! Awesome!)  
**Mari Youma-** Yeah, when you laugh like a maniac for reasons oblivious to other nearby people, they tend to think you're odd. To say the least.  
**Bar-Ohki-** Jin... Jeez, have I ever written a story with him in it? I don't think I have. WOOHOO! I just had a loverly idea... Must write down... ::scurries away like a crab::  
**Shessha's Crazy-** Really? What's the site? It sounds fun. Muwahahahahah-- I mean, Yay!  
**Sugarmaster15-** I think I'll have Koga in the next chapter. COOKIES! ::tackles and steals and runs away::  
**Silver Lena-** Yeah, she didn't get **too** injured and what injuries she did get, she kept forgetting about... Baka...  
**Ookami Aya-** Shadow HAS gotten LOTS stupider... Okay, so maybe my heights have loopholes... DON'T MESS WITH THE LOOPHOLES! Gr! Just ignore them.  
**Flame 34-** Good greepies! I'm probably gonna have Koga in the next chapter, don't bite off my head... AND WHY WOULD I DRAW A PICTURE OF A CHIPMUNK EATING A WEASEL? I'll draw a picture of a weasel eating a chipmunk! You draw your precious chipmunks... Grr! Norman will prevail! Y'know, I had a nightmare when I was little that a giant weasel was trying to kill me and my sister... We were like, tiny little and the weasel was like giant big and it wanted to kill us and I was terrified. This one girl told me little kids dream about weasels a lot. She said she had a dream about weasels killing her parents.  
**Wild Roses-** It's not my fault... So she's retarded... Her brain's the sixe of a pea... That's been squished... And disintegrated... And stuff.  
**suriko song-** Crowbars are better weapons. You slam them in the head with THAT and they won't be conscious to stare! Muwahaha!  
**A-chan-otaku-** They better freakin' not find out where I live... Cuz I dunno where my crowbar is, and **I** don't have the ability to magically pull it out of my pocket...

**CHAPTER SEVEN  
**The Bloodthirsty Dust Bunnies from Hell

"I still don't see why you had to bring along that stupid animal..." Kuwabara complained, eyeing Shadow. She glared.

"Got a problem?" she snapped.

"Horses are stupid!"

"You just don't like them because they aren't cats!"

"That's not true! I just don't like them because they're big, ugly, and stupid!"

"You just described yourself perfectly," Hiei muttered. "You should love horses; if they are as you describe them then you have lots in common."

"Shut it, shrimp!"

If you're wondering what's going on, why they're talking about a horse, I'll fill you in. Shadow eventually found Umidori's black horse and stole it right out from under the noses of five stableboys... Of course, since normal humans haven't got eyes in their noses, and were instead looking up at the fire she'd started to the hay loft to distract them, they were bound to miss it.

"I don't see what's so great about cats, anyway. They're stupid and useless," Shadow muttered, just loud enough for Kuwabara to hear. He took a swing at her, missing almost as bad as he does when he attempts to hit Hiei, and nearly hitting the horse Shadow was leading, which reared slightly and glared, neighing angrily. Kuwabara jumped away.

"Cats are not stupid or useless! They're very useful!"

"Ha! I'd like to see a good argument of _that_ point!" Shadow laughed.

"Look at Kirara! She's--"

"--a two-tailed _demon_ cat," Shadow finished, cutting him off. He glared.

"Well cats are friendly and soft and cute and you can hold them and pet them and stroke their fur and they purr and they can stay in your house and provide company! And..."

"Tell me what part of that is useful?" Shadow said quietly to Sesshoumaru while the baka kept rambling. Instead of answering her, he rose his voice over Kuwabara's and said, "You can _eat_ cats, that's useful."

Kuwabara flipped out. Nobody could resist laughing at the look on his face.

"THAT'S EVIL! HOW COULD YOU EVEN _THINK_ SUCH A THING? THAT'S THE WORST, MOST EVILEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD A PERSON SAY! YOU'RE EVEN MEANER THAN _HIEI_! STUPID DOG GUY!"

"He's not meaner than me," Hiei retorted, sounding slightly insulted.

"Yes he is. You don't try to kill your siblings," Youko said, then realized what he'd said and sped up to put Miroku, Inuyasha, and Yusuke between himself and the little demon.

"You have siblings?!" Kuwabara asked, startled. "Are they as evil as you?"

Hiei sighed, pulled the ward off his Jagan, and wiped Kuwabara's memory of that little instance, then jumped over the people separating himself from the fox and tackled him, trying to strangle him.

_That's the second time I've had to wipe that particular bit of information from that baka's tiny brain!_ Hiei screamed telepathically, wrestling with the fox.

_Second?_

_Yeah, once he actually found out who she was, now I'd appreciate it if you kept your FOX MOUTH SHUT!_

_Sor-RY!_

Kuwabara, meanwhile, had resumed his argument with Shadow.

"Well I bet you can't list as many uses for a _horse_!" he said confidently.

"Well, you _can_ eat horses, but that's just a waste of a beautiful animal."

"WHAT?"

"Well the only use for a cat is to eat it, so--"

"IS NOT! Start listing! I had at least five!"

"Well, you can ride horses, as transportation and just for fun, that's two, you can use them to carry stuff, plow fields, haul stuff, tow stuff, they're big and strong and fast, they're powerful, which incidentally is just a synonym for strong, they're smart and emotional and can trample cats into the ground! Is that enough reasons?" Shadow said proudly. Kuwabara sniffled.

"You're mean."

"I know! Proud of it, too!"

"Where are we gonna-- No, first off, how are we getting the horse back to our time? It won't fit through the well, if Koenma's even fixed the time barrier to let us back through..." Hiei said, through with strangling Youko and now helping the fox to his feet because he was laughing so hard he couldn't stand. Hiei kicked him in the leg and hissed under his breath, "Stop _laughing_!"

Shadow spared Youko a curiously confused look, then stared up the path for a minute. "Hey! There's Koenma! Let's ask him if he's fixed it yet!" She was pointing up ahead, and sure enough, teen Koenma was standing there glaring, his arms crossed ove his chest. Shadow did ballet jumps up to him, dragging Sesshoumaru and Eclipse and the nameless horse with her.

"What the heck are you doing here?" Koenma snapped. "Why do you have a horse? Who is this, and why are you chained to him?"

"You ask many questions," Shadow said wisely. Hiei and Youko were at her sides almost the second she'd stopped ballet jumping, with Yusuke and the baka close behind. Inuyasha's group hung back slightly, a bit confused.

"Yusuke, explain," Koenma ordered.

"Ah, well, we fell through a magical well, and we ended up here... Well, not _here_, but like, several days-worth of travel _east_... Where the well is."

"Speaking of east, see, it wasn't all that horrible to come into your lands, was it Fluffy? Nobody recognized you, except that one guy we killed," Shadow said cheerfully, like Koenma wasn't really standing right next to her. It was okay, though, because he hadn't hear her and before Sesshoumaru could answer, Koenma exploded.

"DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR YOU GUYS?!"

"Probably about five or something days..." Yusuke guessed.

"WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING? WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST COME BACK? WHY DOES SHADOW LOOK LIKE SHE HAD THE CRAP BEAT OUT OF HER? WHY DOES SHE HAVE A HORSE? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? ANSWER ME, DAMMIT!"

Koenma was either angry beyond human comprehension or happy to see them alive but annoyed, either that or he was just totally panicked.

"I'M GETTING SICK OF THIS! YOU GUYS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONES TO FIX THE PROBLEMS SO I DON'T HAVE TO, NOT THE ONES TO CAUSE PROBLEMS FOR ME TO FIX!"

"...Kay..." Yusuke said. Hiei sighed.

"Koenma, snap out of it."

"Okay... Just _answer my questions_."

"Yusuke already answered 'what the heck are you doing here' so... Shadow's got a horse because she fought this horse's owner and beat the shit out of him, then we killed him. That also answers why Shadow looks so beat up. She got shot, too, by the way," Youko said casually, hoping to cause Koenma more panic as he pulled the collar of Shadow's shirt to one side to make the bandages more visible.

Koenma looked horrified.

"You _killed_ somebody?!"

Shadow stared. "So glad you care about me so greatly."

"What about the other questions?" Koenma asked, intentionally ignoring Shadow.

By then, Inuyasha and the others were gathered around Koenma.

"How about you answer 'who are these people' and 'who is this and why are you chained to him.'"

"This," Shadow said, pointing at Sesshoumaru, "is _his_-" (she pointed at Inuyasha) "-half brother. He's a demon."

"Who's that, then?" Koenma asked, pointing at Inuyasha.

"_His_ half brother!" Shadow said cheerfully, pointing at Sesshoumaru.

"Argh!" Koenma said. Youko spoke up.

"Inuyasha, Miroku, Shippou, Kirara, Sango, Kagome, who is from our timeline by the way, and Sesshoumaru," he said, pointing to each of them as he introduced them.

"THAT'S LORD FLUFFY-SAMA TO YOU, YOUNG MAN!" Shadow and Eclipse both shouted, pointing their fingers mere centimeters from the fox's gold eyes.

Inuyasha snorted. "Care to tell us who you are?"

"Koenma!" Shadow said, dancing circles around him. Sesshoumaru found himself chained to the horse's halter, holding its lead rope. The animal snorted at him and he looked at it boredly. Shadow continued her introduction of Koenma. "He is the son of the ruler of the DEAD PEOPLE! RESPECT HIM, EVEN THOUGH I DON'T!"

"Psh! Let's see if I save _you_ a place in Reikai..." Koenma muttered.

"Ahh! You will!" She pointed her finger in his face. "Because _I_ have helped with your Reikai tantei cases, and I have helped keep Hiei from killing innocent bystanders and burning down half of Japan!"

"Yeah, by doing it all _for_ him," Yusuke said. Shadow punched him.

"Anyway," Koenma persisted, bringing their attention back to his original topic and totally ignoring Yusuke's whining. "You still haven't answered 'what have you been doing' and 'why are you chained to him'."

"We're chained to him because we worship him and cannot leave his sides," the girls said in mechanic voices.

"... Ah."

"You do NOT worship me!" Sesshoumaru said.

"Ah, you are wrong, great lord of these lands," Shadow said, smiling. She danced up to the front of the group and cleared her throat. Eclipse danced up behind her. Sesshoumaru found his other wrist chained to Koenma somehow. He groaned.

"YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!" Shadow snapped. Everyone grudgingly looked at her, knowing it would be best to humor her now then put up with her complaints later.

"While traveling with His Lordship, Fluffy, more commonly known as the great Sesshoumaru, we have learned the five most important rules for survival," Shadow said, poofing a magical easel up out of nowhere beside her.

"Yes," Eclipse said. "We call them... the 'Rules for Surviving Around The Sesshie.'"

Sesshoumaru sighed, but saw they were waiting for a comment. "Dare I ask?"

Several painting canvases appeared, though you couldn't really tell there was more than one since they were all in front of each other. The first one had blue and gold lettering that read "Rules for Surviving Around The Sesshie."

Shadow pulled a pointer out of her back pocket, as well as a pair of small glasses that would put you in mind of a strict school teacher.

"Rule Number One!" she said. Eclipse pulled off the first canvas and flung it carelessly over her shoulder. Shadow pointed to the painting with her pointer stick. "OBEY The Sesshie!"

The picture displayed her and Eclipse bowing to a slightly startled-looking Sesshoumaru.

"Rule Number **Two!**" Shadow said, and Eclipse flung Rule Number One off to the side to reveal the second picture, this one of a rather horrified looking Sesshoumaru with a happy-looking Shadow latched onto his leg and a happy-looking Eclipse hugging his middle, both having their arms _and_ legs wrapped around him.

"LOVE The Sesshie," she said, pointing. The girls switched roles and places.

"Rule Number THREE!" Eclipse said in almost the exact same voice as Shadow. It was Shadow's turn, now, to fling the previous rule carelessly away to reveal the third.

"Be KIND to The Sesshie!" Eclipse said. This one showed Shadow and Eclipse holding up wrapped gifts to Sesshoumaru. "Rule Number FOUR!"

Shadow flung three off to the left. It hit a tree and went tumbling into the middle of the path, face down, which, oddly, somehow all the other pictures had ended up face down as well.

"Do no ANGER The Sesshie!"

The fourth picture showed a glowy-eyed Sesshoumaru holding a swirly-eyed Shadow by her arm and a cartoonly dead Eclipse by her hair.

Both girls now had pointers and glasses, in preparation for the fifth and final rule. They moved as one, grabbing the painting and flinging it over everyone's heads. The group ducked though the painting cleared them all safely anyhow.

"Rule number FIVE, most important and above all," the girls said in unison, hitting their pointers against the painting. "WORSHIP THE SESSHIE!"

This one showed Sesshoumaru lying down in a chair-ish bed kinda thingy with Shadow standing next to him in a kinda skimpy uniform wearing sunglasses while Eclipse knelt on the ground holding an extremely large leaf over him to shade him from the sun.

Then everything poofed back to normal and all the paintings, the easel, the glasses, and the pointers were all gone. Shadow and Eclipse stood with their hands clasped behind their backs, smiling happily.

"Loverly or loverly?" Shadow asked, grinning. There was a pause.

"If only you'd known those rules _before_ you broke every single one, this journey would have been a lot more bearable," Sesshoumaru said calmly.

"I wish the same rules applied to me..." Koenma said. The girls stuck out their tongues, and Yusuke said, "They _do_ apply to you, Pacifier Breath, it's just that we don't obey them."

"Good point. And you should, you ingrateful children! Now BEFORE THIS INTERRUPTION I think I asked you something," Koenma snapped.

"You asked us many somethings," Eclipse said, appearing on his right.

"But that distracted us all and nobody remembers what somethings you asked and what somethings were answered!" Shadow said, appearing on his left. They both grinned up at him proudly. Koenma groaned.

"You're both such idiots."

"We know!" they said cheerfully.

"And you're proud, too, let me guess."

"Yup!"

"Idiots..."

"Yup!"

"Okay, shut up, you're annoying."

"Yup!"

"Yup!"

"I didn't say anything."

"Yup!"

"Shut up."

"Yup! Yup! Yup, yup, yup!"

"Nope."

"GASP! THE DOOMIFUL NERVE OF IT ALL!" Shadow said, horrified. Both girls fell over, stiff as boards.

"Well that gets them out of the way," Inuyasha said.

"Where's the key for this?" Koenma asked, holding up his wrist. Nobody said anything. Then Youko grinned.

"I'll get it!" He slung Shadow over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and walked towards the forest. Hiei had a zoned out look on his face before his head snapped up with realization and he looked around wildly.

"What? No, Youko, don't do that!"

Youko took off running, flashing a grin over his shoulder, and Hiei gave chase.

"What was all that about?" Koenma asked. Yusuke looked into the forest enviously.

"I wanna get the key..."

"Why? Where's the key?" Koenma asked, starting to have some idea.

"Shadow's bra," Yusuke said casually, still looking into the forest. Koenma's right eyebrow rose and his eyes widened slightly.

"Why does she stash stuff there...? Wouldn't it be uncomfortable?"

"I don't know! I don't wear a bra!" Yusuke snapped. "Maybe she does it intentionally to bait Hiei."

"Why would Hiei want the key?" Sesshoumaru asked dryly. "I was the one chained to her."

"Then she wants to bait _you_."

"Gross."

"Anyway, Yusuke, while we're waiting for Shadow to wake up and kill Youko, why don't you fill me in one what the hell you've done for the past few days that was so much more important than coming back to your normal time so you didn't screw up the space-time continuem," Koenma said. Yusuke blinked.

"Repeat that, just without the big words..."

"What. Were. You. Do.Ing. Here. That. Was. So. Im.Por.Tant. That. You. Could. Not. Go. Back. To. Your. Time. _Yusuke_," Koenma said, slowly enunciating each syllable in a clear voice. Yusuke stared, then nodded.

"I. Un.Der.Stand," he mocked. "We. Were--"

"DON'T say the entire answer like that. I'll knock you out," Koenma snapped.

"Like you could..."

"Just answer it!"

"We were helping these people look for the shards of some magical jewel."

"And why didn't you just come back?"

"Because the well didn't work."

Koenma blinked. "Say what?"

"We came here through a magical well! This is the Magical States era, isn't it?"

"No... It's the Warring States Era, baka," Koenma said. "But you honestly came here through a magical well."

"Yes, they did," Kagome said. "It's at Higurashi Shrine, my home."

"Oh," Koenma said, slightly confused. "That explains why there's always that little time fluxuation thing there... So anyway, why didn't it work?"

"Kurama says it's because you flipped out after those wolves came back to our time and were with Shadow and you sealed it so nobody could go _into_ our time, but you didn't bother sealing it both ways so nobody could _leave_, either, so, we were stuck here! That's what fox boy said anyway, and I'm just assuming he's right because he always _is_."

"Well, he was right, and if that's true, then I guess I'm stuck here too," Koenma said, wide-eyed. Yusuke stared, terrified.

"Please God no."

"Well after I get this cuff off, I'll see about leaving."

Eclipse sat up. "I'm awake! Where's Shadow?"

There was a scream from the forest, then a startled shout followed by a yelp of pain and an angry string of swear words that sent flocks of birds fleeing the trees in fear.

"Shadow's awake too," Eclipse said cheerfully. "But she's not here!"

"No, Eclipse, she's in the forest most likely being groped by Youko," Yusuke said. "Either that or she was about to be and fried him, that would explain the swear words, but I wonder where Hiei ended up."

"Who cares," Kuwabara said. A rock came flying out of the trees and slammed him in the head. "Oww!!!"

Hiei and Shadow walked out a second later, followed by a silver fox with multiple tails. Everyone's attention was on the fox, which had a leash attached to the collar around its neck. Shadow led the critter behind her.

"Where's Youko?" Miroku asked. Hiei pointed at the fox.

"The only form where he's shorter than me."

"So... He's got _three_ forms?"

"In a way. He wouldn't let Shuichi be on the outside so now he's a multi-tailed silvery fox!" Shadow said, grinning. "And he can't transform, either, because if he does, the collar will choke him to death! He has to ask first, and promise to keep his hands off me."

Yusuke looked curiously at Youko as he walked past.

"How's that gonna work...? Foxes can't talk."

"IT'S SO CUTE!" Eclipse squealed. She tackled Youko and hugged him. The little fox squirmed and screeched.

"I think you're crushing him, Eclipse," Koenma said.

"Huh? Crushing what?" she said, relaxing her hold. She looked at Youko and squealed in delight. "Oh my God! A fox! It's so cute!" And she then proceeded to hug him. Again.

"Animal abuser," Koenma muttered. "AS I WAS SAYING!"

Everyone looked at him. Youko took Eclipse's second of distraction to wriggle out of her grip and hide behind Hiei's leg.

"I'd like to be able to see if I can _leave_," the prince continued, annoyed.

"Oh! Right!"

The cuffs were switched and Koenma promptly vanished.

"Well apparently the all-freakin'-mighty Prince of Reikai is the only one who can break through his own freakin' barrier," Yusuke said.

"I want a hamburger," Shadow said randomly. Koenma reappeared with a hamburger and handed it to her, not really even paying attention. She inhaled it.

"Where's mine?" Eclipse asked.

"Your what?"

"MY HAMBURGER, BITCH!"

"I'm not a bitch, you don't get one!"

"Pff. See if I help out on any of your stupid missions anymore... Won't even give me a hamburger... Why'd you give Shadow one? How'd you even hear her? I deserve a hamburger more than her!"

"Anyway," Koenma said, completely ignoring her, "it seems I can go through the barrier, but that's because I'm the Almighty Koenma. I think I have an idea of how to get you six home."

"Seven," Shadow corrected.

"Six, baka. Yusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, Hiei, and you two baka girls," Koenma said.

"And the horse," Shadow said, pointing.

"The horse. What do you need with a horse?"

"COMPANIONSHIP!"

"You have a companion! He lives with you! His name is Hiei! And what about those weasels and the fish and those singing shoes in your bathroom!? Aren't they your companions?"

"The weasels are my _minions_, all except Norman. The singing shoes, I don't know where the hell they came from, but they aren't my companions. I think they sing to keep anyone from going in that bathroom and seeing their world domination plans. The fish, however, are there to look pretty and give the impression to anyone who sees them that perhaps I'm more normal than I seem. Until they see the weasels. There are many other creatures you did not name, for example, the Pulsating Egg Creature, which I ate, well he was the most dangerous creature ever to be in that house, aside from me... He absorbed the evil from many things in that fridge during his month-long stay... The Evil Aura of Doom, and the Bloodthirsty Dust Bunnies from Hell, for example, are also very dangerous--"

"Write a book, Shadow. Call it 'Guide to The House of Doom.' It'll be a best-seller," Koenma said sarcastically.

"I need to name my house."

"What? Who names their house?!"

"Me. I'll think of that later. Also, I need to name this horse. I'll think of that later, too."

"No you won't cuz you aren't keeping it."

"WHY THE HELL NOT?"

"BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE DAMNED WEASELS, YOU DON'T NEED MORE PETS!"

"THEY AREN'T PETS, THEY'RE MINIONS! GET IT RIGHT!"

"I DON'T CARE IF THEY'RE YOUR MINIONS OR YOUR DINNER! YOU DON'T NEED A HORSE!"

"WHAT DO YOU CARE? IF I BOUGHT A HORSE FROM MY TIME IN NINGENKAI YOU WOULDN'T CARE! YOU JUST DON'T WANT ME TO KEEP THIS ONE BECAUSE HE'S FROM THE MAGICAL CHEESE ERA OF FUEDAL JAPAN AND HIS PRESENCE MAKES YOUR TRANSPORTATION OF US TO OUR ERA JUST A MAJOR PAIN IN THE YOU-KNOW-WAT!" Shadow screamed this all in one breath and was therefore panting a bit by the end. Koenma looked at her before replying calmly.

"Why don't we let Hiei decide? He's closer to you than me, and he'd have to put up with the stupid thing more often."

"You just have a horse-o-phobia, don't you?" Shadow said. Koenma ignored her.

"Well, Hiei?"

"Honestly, Koenma, you think you can stop her? She wants the horse, she'll kill you if you don't let her have it, and she'll kill me for agreeing she doesn't need it, so I won't agree," Hiei said dryly. Shadow hugged him.

"YAY!"

Youko was lying on the horse's back with his tails over his nose, clearly bored with their arguing and deciding since he was little and unnoticed, he could sleep if he wanted to. Shadow looked at him, shrugged, and tied his leash to the horse's halter.

"So, Koenma, that'll be seven," Shadow said, handing him a piece of paper with the number on it. He took it, shredded it, and dropped it on her head.

"Baka. You annoy me. Fine. The horse goes. But there's some stuff you guys will need to do in order to be able to come back to your time," Koenma said.

"Like what?" Yusuke asked dryly.

"Well... Like gather these ingredients and mix them in a pot of boiling water, then drink it," Koenma said, handing Yusuke folded paper. He opened it up and several pairs of curious eyes peered over his shoulders. Shadow was picking the shreds of paper off her head one-by-one and she and Eclipse were examining each one with amazed awe, looking at each other like they were getting richer each time Shadow picked up a new shred.

"What is all this stuff?" Yusuke asked, looking at the list. Sesshoumaru was the only one hard pressed to ignore the girls, since they had picked off all the pieces of paper from Shadow's head and were now decorating him with them.

"Plants common to this area and era. It's a simple concoction, really," Koenma said. "Well, chow!" He vanished.

"Hey Youko," Yusuke said. Then he blinked and looked at the fox, then leaned over to Hiei. "Can foxes read? Can he even understand us in that form?"

"Let's see!" Shadow said cheerfully, carelessly flinging all the remaining papers up in the air, having lost interest. "Hey stupid baka retard fox!"

He looked at her with what was obviously a fox glare.

"Yes he can!"

Yusuke held up the list in front of Youko. "What would this make if we mixed it in water like Koenma said?"

Youko looked dryly at Yusuke, then at Shadow. She sighed.

"Fine, dammit," she mumbled. She took off the collar and the fox jumped to the ground and turned into his seven-foot humanoid form.

"Let me see that," he said, snatching the list and leaning slightly against the black horse. "Blah blah blah... Blah blah... And... Blah. Well, Koenma just gave you the recipe for a powerful sedative."

"Are you serious?" Yusuke said, more of a statement than a question. Youko nodded.

"Yeah. A small dose of this would knock a ningen out cold for at least 48 hours. It wouldn't be as potent on any of you, except Kuwabaka over there... Even the fumes are enough to make you drowsy," Youko said.

"Are you sure it wouldn't just kill you?" Hiei asked, snatching the list and looking at it. "There's poisonous herbs on this list!"

"Yeah, but the others kinda counteract them, somewhat."

"Are you _sure_ Koenma's not just trying to kill us all?" Yusuke said.

"Why in the seven circles of hell would he want to do that, you fool?" Hiei snapped. "We're his little detectives, aren't we?"

"Well, yes... But I think he's just pissed."

"Anyway," Youko said, grabbing the list and scanning it again, "I see nothing on here that would cause a rip to open in the space-time continuem, so I think that fool was just trying to get us to go on a wild goose chase for Makai herbs in Ningenkai so he could think of a magical solution to his problem."

"I don't see why he doesn't just remove the barrier... I mean, he put it up, he can travel through it, why can't he just take it down long enough for us to go home?" Yusuke said.

"You almost sound smart, Yusuke," Hiei said. "And that's scaring me."

"You're scared? Well _that's_ scaring _me_. Well, no, not so much. You get scared. Shadow scares you. I should be used to it by now, but I guess your old 'I hate you all, so die slow and painfully' attitude is stuck in my mind for some reason..."

"Get stuffed," Hiei snapped. "Shadow doesn't scare me."

"BOO!" Shadow shouted, jumping up from behind him and grabbing his shoulders.

"AGH! Shadow! God, go choke on your food and die!"

"You wouldn't want that to happen! You love me too much!"

"I don't love you!"

"Sure ya don't... That's not what you said before..."

"Shadow, you're a creep," Hiei said. "Stay away." He waved a stick in her face. Shadow followed it with her eyes until they popped out and rolled across the ground.

"Ahh! Me eyes!" she wailed. "Where's me eyes! I lost me eyes!"

"Sick," everyone said in unison.

"I wonder what eyeballs taste like," Eclipse mused curiously.

"Oh, for the love of God!" Hiei graoned, disgusted.

"You don't love God, so shut up."

"DON'T EAT ME EYES! I NEED THEM TO SEE!" Shadow screeched. "I DON'T WANT TO DIE, MOMMY!" She was crawling around on the ground, feeling for her eyes. An unpleasant squelch signalled that she'd found one.

"Ah-ha!" she said triumphantly, picking it up and popping it back in. She screeched. "IT BURNS! IT BURNS! IT'S GOT A BUG ON IT! EEE! THERE'S A BUG BEHIND MY EYE! GET IT OUT!"

She clawed at her eye until her face turned red and fell off. "GAH! This is just not my day!"

"That's an interesting sight," Hiei said, peering at Shadow. "That's never happened before."

"I SHOULD THINK NOT!" Yusuke yelled, disgusted. "PUT HER BACK TOGETHER! BEFORE HER ARMS FALL OFF TOO!"

"I'm not quite as concerned about her arms as other things," Youko said.

"YOU SHUT UP, BAKA FOX!" Shadow's faceless, one-eyed skull yelled, pointing at him. "GET ME MY OTHER EYE!"

"This is really, really sick," Kuwabara said.

Well, several hours later...

Shadow was singing one of the most annoying songs in the world. "My leg bone's connected to my, hip bone, my hip bone's connected to my, tail bone, my tail bone's connected to, another bone, and eventually it reaches my skull! My skull is connected to my, neck bones, my neck is connected to some, other bones, those bones connect to my, hip bones, my hip bone's connected to my, leg bones--"

Those aren't the exact words, but since I'm ignorant of human anatomy (you've got a head, a middle, arms, and legs, you put them all together right and it forms a body), I can't tell you the exact words. Live. Shadow doesn't know much about human anatomy either, obviously.

"Shadow! Sing something DIFFERENT!" Youko said, walking along ahead of her, next to Hiei, who'd long ago taken to covering his ears and muttering.

"Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes!" Shadow started singing.

"I hate you _all_..." Sesshoumaru said psychotically, eyes glowing slightly red. Everybody simultaneously moved away from him a foot or two... Except Shadow and her head, shoulders, knees, and toes, and Eclipse with her mumbling about some BLT she'd eaten that didn't have any tomatoes so really it was a BL which really is almost practically BS, but isn't, because a Bull Shit sandwich is a gross thing to eat, she would know.

"What are we supposed to be doing, anyway?" Yusuke asked Youko.

"You expect me to know?"

"Hiei?"

Hiei was muttering under his breath. Yusuke stared at him for a minute, as did Youko and Kuwabara. The fox soon announced that Hiei had taken to reciting the Greek alphabet backwards to the tune of 'I'm Lookin' Over a Four Leaf Clover,' which incidentally sounded awful and didn't quite work. Yusuke moved a foot or so away from Hiei as well, giving him funny looks and leaving him to walk next to Kuwabara.

**I think I'll have _Koga_ in the next chapter... Cuz I like him. He's cool. And he's a wolf demon! And wolves are cool! Woohoo!  
****Oh yeah, check out myotaku art page for the illustrations of The Rules For Surviving Around The Sesshie... (as of now, I only have 1-4...)**


	8. Pookie Died

**(10-04-04)  
Sorry for not updating for… A month or whatever, since school started… My brain dead condition would be the fault of the school. I'm listening to The Nameless by Slipknot right now and it's making me happy… Shouting. Yay.  
I don't feel like responding to reviews right now, sorry, but I'm sure you probably forget what you said and if there was something really important, remind me when you review this chapter. Just because I don't respond doesn't mean I don't like you guys, though, so keep talking to me… I'm sure you don't care, anyway, you just wanna read the crappy story… If this chapter sucks and makes no sense it's because I didn't proof read... Too tired... So, onward...!**

**CHAPTER EIGHT  
**Pookie died

"Hey, since we have nothing better to do, and Hiei's loss of consciousness has put a ban on my singing, how about we play a game!" Shadow said cheerfully.

"Games? I love games!" Eclipse replied. "What kind of game?!"

"I spy!" Shadow announced. Eclipse grinned, bouncing up and down as she walked.

"Yay! Can I go first?"

"Okay!"

"I spy something... white!"

"Inuyasha's hair!"

"No!"

"Fluffy's hair!"

"No!"

"Fluffy's clothes!"

"No!"

"Kagome's shirt!"

"No!"

"Hiei's belt!"

"No!"

"That cloud that looks like a gargantuous octopus inhaling a big pink clam!"

"Aw, ya got it!"

"Woohoo! Okay, okay, here we go, I spy something blue!"

"The sky!"

"No!"

"Miroku!"

"No!"

"Miroku's robes!"

"You got it!"

"Woohoo! Okay, then, I spy something... Fluorescent orange!"

"That oversized poisonous snail!"

"Wow! First try!"

"I spy something silver!"

"Youko's hair!"

"No!"

"That cloud!"

"No!"

"Inuyasha's hair!"

"No!"

"That other cloud!"

"No!"

"Youko's hair!"

"You got it!"

"Woohoo! I spy something brown!"

"That tree!"

"No!"

"That demon coming up really fast behind us!"

"Go you!"

"Wait, what?!" Inuyasha said, turning. None other than Koga the wolf demon came tearing up the path behind them, jumped over the entire group, and landed in front of them, turning. They all stopped.

"Koga!" Kagome said, surprised.

"Hello, Kagome," he said, grinning. Inuyasha growled.

"Who's this?" Youko asked. Koga looked at him with interest, walked right past Inuyasha without acknowledging him (which just caused the dog-eared half-breed to snarl with frustration), and walked up to Youko.

"Who're you?" he asked. Youko looked down at him.

"I think I asked first, wolf," he said dryly.

"Well, you got yourself some new companions, mutt face!" Koga said, smirking at Inuyasha.

"Shut up, Koga!"

"Who's this?" Shadow and Eclipse asked in unison, pointing at Koga.

Koga looked at them, looked at Sesshoumaru, looked at their wrists, and then was seriously confused.

"What's this?"

"We are the Doomiful People of the Magical Land of Humpty Dumpty and the Cheese Sandwich!" Shadow said cheerfully. "We come in peace!" She made a peace sign and smiled extremely happy-like. Koga just twitched and slowly turned to look at Inuyasha.

"I didn't invite them," the hanyou said dryly, also sweat dropping but not to the same horrified extent as Koga.

"Who are these people, anyway...?"

"Your worst nightmare!" Eclipse said, pointing and laughing maniacally. Shadow blinked.

"We come bearing gifts of doom, and hellish wraths," she said innocently. Koga stared. "We mean you minimal amounts of harm..."

"The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list," Eclipse laughed maniacally. Youko stared.

"Usually Shadow is the one laughing maniacally..." he said. "But instead she's just calmly threatening you..."

"Threats? These girls aren't even demons!" Koga said, sniffing at them.

"WE ARE SO!" they screeched in unison, jumping on his head. He fell over.

"How can you say we aren't demons? CAN'T YOU TELL BY OUR DOOMIFUL AURAS OF HORRIDLY FRIGHTENING STUFF 'N' JUNK?" Shadow screamed.

"Get off him," Youko said. "We don't even know his name and you're already hitting on him."

"I'M NOT HITTING ON HIM!" Shadow screamed.

"You're straddling him."

Shadow jumped up and was instantly several feet away, hiding behind Sesshoumaru. "STAY AWAY, WOLF!"

"So I assume you know this wolf," Youko said, holding Koga up by his pointy ear.

"Let go of me, fox!"

Youko shrugged and let go. Koga growled.

"You think you're better than me or something? I can tell by that smug look!"

"It's not smug," Youko said tauntingly. "It's just how I am. Superior."

"YOU'RE NOT BETTER THAN ME! You're just like Inuyasha!"

"Yeah right! I'm a demon, not a half-breed with a bad attitude," Youko said, smirking. Inuyasha glared.

"You think you're so great... Stupid fox."

"Stupid wolf."

"I'm not stupid!"

"What diluted individual told you _that_, Wolf?"

"I'M NOT STUPID!"

"You've mentioned that..."

"Dumb fox! You reek of flowers! How can I even be the slightest bit intimidated by you when you smell like FLOWERS?"

"Because they are doomiful flowers of murderous proportions!" Shadow said cheerfully. Youko and Koga glared.

"SHUTUP, BAKA ONNA!"

Shadow pouted. "Fine then, butt cracks..." She was ignored, as usual, as Youko shot an insult at Koga under his breath and the shouting started all over again. Everybody just stared until eventually the two canines were going at each others throats, and had somehow dragged Inuyasha into it and were currently arguing over... something. It wasn't really very obvious since every other word was either an insult or a swearword.

Hiei, who had passed out from Shadow's incessant singing earlier and had been carelessly draped over the back of the still-nameless black warhorse, lunged at them suddenly and hit all three, and Shadow, too, for good measure, even though she was sitting there innocently making a castle out of a deck of cards she'd found in one of her bottomless pockets...

"Ow!" she whined. "What was that for?"

"I don't know, but you probably needed it. Now who's this?" Hiei asked, brushing off Shadow to talk to Miroku.

"Koga, the wolf demon. He's an ally of sorts, don't worry."

"Ally?! Why would I be an ally to this jerk?" Koga snapped, pulling Inuyasha's ear. Inuyasha growled, but Miroku interrupted.

"Why can't we all get along?"

"Because he's a stupid wolf!" Youko and Inuyasha snapped, while Koga simultaneously called Inuyasha dumb mutt and Youko a stupid canine wannabe.

"CANINE WANNABE?" Youko shouted, a blood vessel popping out on his temple.

"That's what I said."

"What's that supposed to mean, exactly? I look more like a canine than you, stupid elf dog!"

"_Elf dog?_"

"Yeah, you got the elf ears and everything!"

"You're mentally damaged! Stupid fox. You think you're so great! What've you ever done to get a reputation?!"

"I'M HUNDREDS OF YEARS OLD AND I WAS STEALING EXPENSIVE ARTIFACTS FROM THE MOST GUARDED VAULTS IN MAKAI BEFORE _YOU EVEN EXISTED IN THOUGHT!_"

Koga stared. "So you're a dirty thief!"

Youko clenched his fists, growling. Hiei stared.

"Y'know, I always thought dogs were social creatures... And cats were the ones that tore out each others throats on occasion..." he muttered.

"ARE YOU COMPARING ME TO A CAT, HIEI? I really hope you aren't because that would be a BIG mistake," Youko said through clenched teeth.

"Why? You're acting like one," Koga said arrogantly.

"OH, THAT'S IT!"

An explosion occurred around Youko and a large, salivating plant erupted out of the ground behind him. Koga finally decided to take the fox seriously.

"OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!"

"It's one of the flowers I smell like, Wolf," Youko said, smirking. "And it's hungry..."

"Flowers eat sunlight!"

"Not this one!"

"_Youko!!!_ Don't _hurt_ him!" Kagome said, horrified.

"Why not? He needs it!"

"Uh-oh..." Hiei said, noticing something none of the others had. Shadow was sitting there trembling amidst a scattered mess of cards. Her eyes were welled up with tears. A whimper escaped her throat, quiet at first, then growing excruciatingly loud and high-pitched.

"YOU DESTROYED POOKIE-CHAN'S CARD CASTLE!!!" she screamed, sending flocks of birds fleeing from the trees. An aura exploded around her and a second later, Youko's hungry plant was nothing but ashes.

"YOU KILLED MY PLANT!"

"YOU MADE POOKIE HOMELESS!"

"WHAT IS _WRONG_ WITH YOU?"

"AT LEAST POOKIE HAD THE CAPACITY TO SPEAK UNDERSTANDABLE JAPANESE! WHAT THE HECK KIND OF USE IS A FLOWER?"

"WHAT THE HELL IS POOKIE?"

"POOKIE! POOKIE THE SMALL BLACK BEETLE DEITY OF DEATH, SUFFERING, PAIN, AND LOVE! _YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU DON'T KNOW WHO POOKIE-CHAN IS?!_"

After that statement, nobody could speak. They were either several miles away (having either run there or been blown away by Shadow's voice), unconscious (from Shadow's voice), speechless from shock, or temporarily brain dead.

Shadow stood there panting. Sesshoumaru, Koga, Inuyasha, and Youko were worst off, their canine sense of hearing fried for the moment.

"Shadow... That was really... Really... Loud..." Hiei muttered, sitting on the ground a few feet away.

"Pookie-chan's homelessness must be avenged!" she said maniacally.

"Can't you just build him another house?" Miroku suggested. Shadow spun and stared at him with a demonic evil-woman look.

"YOU! HOW DARE YOU THINK OF SOMETHING I DIDN'T?! YOU'LL LIVE TO REGRET IT!"

Miroku twitched. Eclipse was sitting in the background muttering morbid death threats and doing it in a cheerful way.

"You're all going to die... Slow... Painful... Bloody... Messy deaths... by my hand... You destroyed Master Pookie's house... Blood... Will spew... Out your eyes..."

She, however, was ignored. Except for Hiei, who was giving her a calculating look and thinking something along the lines of, "Counseling is in order when we get home... Shadow's counseling. With a baseball bat."

Shadow was still staring down a nervous Miroku, but she suddenly dropped to the ground and started gathering up her cards and quickly and psychotically building her card castle again, muttering.

"Pookie-chan will never forgive me... Must rebuild house..."

"Let's just keep moving," Yusuke suggested. "Wherever we're going, we're not getting there by not getting there."

"No, duh..." Hiei muttered, standing up. "C'mon, guys."

"Say what?!" Youko said loudly. "I can't hear you!"

Hiei sighed. "LET'S GO!" he shouted. Youko twitched.

"I could hear you... I was joking."

"**WELL DON'T JOKE, THEN!**"

Youko froze and fell over sideways. "Okay... _Now_ I can't hear you."

"Not my problem," Hiei muttered, stomping off down the path.

"VOILA!" Shadow said cheerfully, presenting her 104 card labryinth. "Now where is Master Pookie-chan?" She crawled around on the ground wildly searching for her oh-so-holy-and-worshipped small black beetle diety of death, suffering, pain, and love, completely oblivious that Hiei was half a mile down the path already.

Sesshoumaru sighed. "Shadow... You're retarded."

"You're mean! Where's Pookie?"

"**Pookie died.**"

"OH MY GOD! NOW I HAVE TO FIND HIS BODY AND BUILD A PYRAMID OVER IT TO WORSHIP HIM!"

Sesshoumaru and Youko exchanged glances and picked her up by her ankles. They followed Hiei down the path, Eclipse dragging on the ground behind Sesshoumaru, still plotting the downfall of modern American government... Dunno what she knows about it, but she's plotting its downfall... Evilly...

Koga sighed and trailed after them.

"What's going on here, anyway?" he asked, catching up to Sesshoumaru.

"Please, don't make me be the one to tell you," he sighed. Koga shot a hateful look at Youko, who was dragging Shadow through the dirt by her ankle. He looked around at Miroku (who was leading the black horse), Sango, Yusuke, and Kuwabara, the next closest people, and fell in step with the monk.

"Who're your friends here?" he asked.

Miroku sighed. "It's a really long story..."

"Well I'm not doing anything."

"They're from a far away place, and their only way home has been blocked off with some sort of barrier..." Miroku said. "Since we were the first people they saw, those two girls refused to leave us... And since the group won't break up, they have be with us. We're heading towards their home now, hoping maybe the barrier is down... It was a total accident in the first place."

"Oh... Okay..."

"They saw Sesshoumaru, captured him, and will not let him go. He's been with us for days."

"Stupid girls," Inuyasha muttered, catching up. "Stupid wolf. Stupid horse..."

"HORSIE!" Shadow squealed. She twisted herself around into a pretzel to get herself out of Youko's grip, then rolled across the ground (somehow) to get to the horse. "I officially dub thee Kuronue."

Youko stopped dead, spun on his heel, and stared. "You are NOT naming that horse Kuronue."

"Why not? I think it's a good name," Shadow said.

"Kuronue was not a horse in any sense, he had nothing in common with that horse, and I do not approve of it."

"Who's Kuronue?" Koga asked Miroku. The monk shrugged.

"A friend of his, I assume."

"But... Kuronue is such a cool name..."

"Well I appreciate the thought, but a _horse_...? You'll have this horse, call it Kuronue, and every time you say anything about the dumb animal I'll have to think about Kuronue!"

"...What's wrong with that?"

"_BECAUSE HE WAS MY FRIEND AND HE'S DEAD!_" Youko snapped. "Naming a horse after him will not honor his memory!"

"WHY NOT?! It's not an INSULT! Kuronue wouldn't disapprove, would he?"

"Why don't we go ASK him? He's alive in Makai in this period, isn't he?" Kuwabara asked. Youko stared, wide-eyed.

"Are you BRAINDEAD? Wait, sorry, I forgot who I was talking to... Look, Shadow, name the horse Sesshoumaru or something, but not Kuronue."

"... But..."

"I don't want to have a horse named after me either," Sesshoumaru hissed at Youko. The fox shrugged.

"How about if I name him Koi?" Shadow said.

"A koi is a kind of fish..." Yusuke pointed out.

"Yeah, so?"

"And they aren't black, either..."

"Yeah, so?"

"Fine, name it Koi," Youko said. "It's better than Kuronue."

"Yes it is! I wouldn't want to name my horse after anything that's involved with _you_ anyway... Stupid fox's dead crime partner..."

Youko twitched. "**Do. Not. Insult. Him.**"

Next thing Shadow knew, she was dragging through the dirt behind Sesshoumaru, unconscious with various vines holding her limbs to her body. Somehow in the mauling she'd become unchained from Sesshoumaru and he now dragged her carelessly over as many rocks, bumps, branches, and sharp stones as he could.

Koga stared. "...They get along well for being friends, don't they...?"

"Apparently Youko thought very highly of Kuronue," Miroku said, watching Shadow drag through a small stream full of jagged stones.

"Yes, apparently." Koga then went back to Kagome. "Hey, Kagome. How have this mutt and his new friends been treating you?"

And Inuyasha was on him in a second. "Get away from her already! How many times do I have to tell you to leave her alone?"

"Inu_yasha_! Don't start a fight again!"

"Why NOT? Stupid wolf. Youko'll back me!"

"We don't need that," Kagome said. "Don't start a fight!"

"Youko won't _back_ you, Youko will knock the crap out of Koga for his own reasons," Yusuke said, looking at the fox. "He's _pissed_."

"About that Krow-nay guy?"

Youko promptly fell on his face, and the next thing Inuyasha knew, a small silvery fox had his teeth dug into his leg.

"YOW!"

"A FOX! IT'S SO CUTE!" Eclipse squealed, back out of her psycho morbid state. She strained against Sesshoumaru, nearly stepped on Shadow, tripped, fell, and pulled Sesshoumaru down on top of them.

"Fox. Fox. Fox. Fox." She inched across the ground towards the snarling silver fox. "Fox. Fox. Cute. Little. Silver. Fox. With. Many. Tails."

As she neared Youko, she reached out and yanked on one of his tails. He let go of Inuyasha and yelped, jumping a few feet away and hopping onto Yusuke's shoulder.

"D'oh!" Yusuke yelped. "Get off me!"

The little silver fox jumped down, gave Inuyasha a smug look, and trotted down the path to catch up with Hiei, who'd walked on ahead, choosing to ignore the petty bickering amongst his companions.

"Stupid fox," Inuyasha was grumbling, looking at his mauled leg. "What'd I do?"

"His name was Kuronue, not Krow-nay," Yusuke said.

"That's all? He must have WORSHIPPED that guy!" Inuyasha said incredulously.

"DON'T MAKE ME COME BACK THERE!" Youko shouted back, once again in his humanoid form.

"NOT LIKE YOU COULD HURT ME IF YOU DID, PANSY!"

Koga looked at Inuyasha, down at his mauled leg, then back up at his face. "You really are stupid, mutt."

"What now, mangy wolf?"

"Didn't he _already_ hurt you?"

"Shut up. That barely tickles."

Koga just snorted.

"Now are you planning on hanging around us all day?" Inuyasha said. "If you are, you'll have to--"

"BE HANDCUFFED!" Shadow exploded cheerfully, snapping a cuff on Koga and Inuyasha.

"What the hell are you doing?" they said in unison.

"Handcuffs are our friends!"

"Take it off!" Inuyasha screeched, straining against the handcuff. Koga snarled at the infernal piece of metal.

"Shadow," Sesshoumaru sighed. Shadow stood there with her hands behind her back, grinning proudly at her handiwork.

"Go you!" Eclipse said cheerfully, giving Shadow a high five. "We've captured another!"

"... Another _what_?"

"Bishie demon, of course," Shadow said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Bishie demon?"

"_Bishounen youkai_," Shadow said, straining the words.

"Why haven't you gone after Hiei or Youko, then?" Sango asked. Shadow blinked, then grinned.

"Hiei needs no force! He loves us all!"

Hiei stopped and stared back at them, one eyebrow raised.

"Hiei doesn't feel love," Yusuke said. Then he seemed thoughtful. "Well, maybe except for you..."

Shadow just grinned. "Yes, Hiei loves me so much." She pulled a picture out of her pocket and held it up. "Would he do this if he didn't?"

The picture showed Shadow lying on the ground with swirly eyes and her tongue hanging out. Hiei stood over her with a baseball bat, eyes glowing red.

"... That's love alright," Yusuke said sarcastically.

"I know!" Shadow said cheerfully. She crammed the picture back in her pocket and grinned for another minute before blinking and looking down at Inuyasha and Koga, who were clawing and chewing and yanking on the chain connecting them.

"BEHAVE!" Eclipse and Shadow snapped in unison. With a stupid smile, Shadow then declared stupidly that 'behave' and beehive' sound a lot alike. Everyone sweatdropped.

It was only then that Sesshoumaru realized he was not chained to anybody. He swiftly walked into the forest. A terrorized screech echoed through Japan a second later and Shadow darted in after him, tackled him, and hugged him like she hadn't seen him in eight thousand years.

"WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE ME? DON'T YOU CARE AT ALL?! OH, HOW I MISSED YOU SO!"

Sesshoumaru just lay there, his eye twitching.

"He was barely gone for three seconds," Miroku pointed out. "And I don't think he cares. At all. Ever."

"SHUT UP, INSENSITIVE MONK! HOW DARE YOU SAY MY FLUFFY-SAMA DOESN'T LOVE ME!"

"Please, Shadow, for the love of my sanity, please get off me," Sesshoumaru said patiently.

"But... But... You mean you don't love me?" Shadow said, her eyes welling up with tears.

"No."

"MY FLUFFY-SAMA DOESN'T LOVE ME!!!" Shadow wailed, getting up and dragging Sesshoumaru out of the forest and over to Koga. She threw her arms around the wolf demon's neck and bawled against his chest. He just twitched, not pleased by the interruption to the argument he'd been winning against Inuyasha.

"Get... _off_... me..." Koga muttered.

"FLUFFY-SAMA HATES ME THOUGH!"

"**I DON'T CARE! GET AWAY!**"

Shadow stared up at him. "YOU'RE SO MEAN!!!" She spun around and stomped up the path, occasionally shooting hateful glares over her shoulder. At one of these precise moments, she tripped and fell forward, slammed into Hiei, and knocked him over. The rest of the group just stared.

"Baka..." they said in unison.

"Handcuff!" Eclipse said cheerfully, snapping one of Sesshoumaru's back onto her wrist.

Shadow was sitting on top of Hiei, smiling stupidly while Youko stared down at her.

"Let's go," Yusuke said finally, taking charge. "I want to go home. Accidents always happen to me and then Keiko has no idea and... She kills me."

"You look pretty alive to me," Koga said.

"I was being sarcastic... But it isn't far from the truth..."

"I don't want to come with you..." the wolf complained. "What's her name...? Shadow? SHADOW, YOU DUMB FOOL! GET OVER HERE!"

"No! You were mean!" Shadow retorted, still sitting on Hiei. He was lying on the ground drumming his fingers against the dirt and looking thoroughly annoyed.

"You can get off me any time, you know," he said, jabbing Shadow's leg.

"Off? What? Oh! Hey, Hiei! Is this some sort of inconvenience?" she asked.

"Yes," he said. "I want to go home and I can do that if you're SITTING ON ME!!!"

"Oh. Well too bad, you're comfy..."

"Hey fox, help me out," Hiei said. Youko shrugged and picked up Shadow in his arms. She seemed puzzled by the sudden motion, then looked at the fox and shrieked.

"AHHH! IT'S YOUKO KURAMA! KING OF THIEVES AND SLUT OF MAKAI!" She then lunged away and went tearing down the path screaming and didn't come back.

So this is the situation: Shadow just ran away, so she's nowhere to be seen. Youko and Hiei are in the front of the group, a good two or three meters ahead of the rest. Then there's Yusuke and Kuwabara. Sesshoumaru is behind them with Eclipse chained to his right arm. Close behind is Koga and Inuyasha, chained together, with Kagome next to them. Miroku, Sango, and Kirara, with Shippou riding the horse (led by Miroku), bring up the rear.

In this manner, they headed down the forest path towards the magical well... Of course, that's after settling a large argument that broke out because of Shadow's outburst. You didn't miss much. Just a mass interrogation of the fox conducted by a certain curious monk, which somehow led to and ended in a massive fistfight and everyone lying unconscious on the ground. That's all.

**Do not correct me on use of honorifics on Pookie's name, Shadow's just stupid and called him Pookie-chan intentionally, even though he's a deity of whatnot and all… At the beginning, I'm aware when they were playing I Spy that somebody said the same thing twice, it was wrong the first time and right the second… It was intentional. And from this point, any Japanese phrases I use are ones I've learned in school (unless otherwise specified), so if you correct me on them, you're retarded and I won't pay attention. **


	9. Hell is Pink and Fluffy

**(10-9-04)  
****Silver Moon Assassin Crystal-** You better not be liking Hiei, there, missy! He's off-limits. He's a God, after all. We must bow and kiss the hem of his cloak.  
**xkuroxshinobix-** Don't worry about long times between updates now, this is the next-to-last chapter...  
**UnicornGirl-DragonLady-** Well... Thanks for the idea! I'd hug you but I have this fear of human contact... And besides, there's the problem of not knowing where you are... Anyway... Read on... It's not exactly what you said, but...  
**Okami Youkai-** Yup. Doom and stuff like that.  
**Koneko Chibi-** When I have my TV turned down really low so that I can't hear anybody else's voices, Kagome's is still quite audible... Loud girl... But she's okay, I guess, as far as female characters... She needs a longer skirt though.  
**sanzoeclipsekuramaarehot-** Wow, you have a long, confusing name... I think... No I don't! I don't think! Ahh! Don't arrest me! (I'm not allowed to think. They fear me, that's why. What? No! Ahhh! Run away!)  
**Flame 34-** Warrior of total randomness, eh? That's a new one. Anywho... I assume you like Koga... Just a little bit... Note sarcasm.  
**C.C.C.-** Update spoon? Is that a typo? Cuz it's a freakin' cool typo, dude...  
**Sugarmaster15-** Pookie was a small black beetle Shadow found on the ground and started worshipping, I think. Who knows. You'd expect me too, since I wrote it, but I don't. I don't understand the ways of my mind... if I have a mind to understand... O.o  
**LivingImpared-** I wrote more, I posted more, you better read it or I'll beat you to a pulp with your own shoe.  
**Carri-** At some point during the summer, I was staying up late and I could have swore your legion of undead minions was outside in my yard. I wasn't about to look for fear that they really were, but I think somebody else's minions were out there too, ready to kill me. Maybe Flame 34's chipmunks...  
**Water-Rose-** Por Favor? I'm learning Japanese, not... Er... Whatever language that is. French or Spanish or something... But anyway, I'm taking Japanese and I'm happy! You have no idea how happy it makes me when I hear words I understand, or see hiragana writing and know what it means... It makes me HAPPYYYYY! Er. Happier than I already was previous to it. I'm always happy. It bothers people.  
**Hedi Dracona-** Me glad you likes.  
**Shessha's Crazy-** Sounds fun!  
**Kitsune Klepto-** He's just below the three anime Gods... (Hiei, Sesshoumaru, and Tsume being the three anime Gods.) In fact, Youko is sooo close to being the fourth anime God... I can't do that though because there's just something different about him that I can't put in the same class as the others. Maybe because of Shuichi. I dunno.  
**Robin Autumn-** It's not all that late. I got more afterwards, so you can feel special at reviewing before them...  
**Twilight Oracle-** :sighs: You'd think it'd be obvious I intentionally have them all OOC. How funny would it be if Hiei had slaughtered Shadow the second she'd met him? 'Cause that's what he'd have done if he was in character. Or at least he'd have beat her senseless... And you had damn well better NOT say anything about Shadow and Eclipse being OOC because they are original characters. What you see is what you get. They're in character. That's their personalities. The only way they could be OOC would be if they were acting SMART or NORMAL! Okay? Thank you.  
**HanyouToni-** Boy, you're worse off than me. I scared away the men in white coats with my instantiy. The psychiatrists rejected me.  
**Draikitha-** ...Potato?  
**Kuramakicksass-** I'm a straight A student too, so far... And I haven't studied for anything in my life... Well, I think I studied for spelling tests in second grade, but I pretty much quit studying ANYTHING after that. I don't know HOW to study cuz I've never done it before! Pretty sad, ne? I probably should start studying cuz my last science test I got an 87... 94 overall grade. I have a 100 in Advanced Algebra though and that's amazing cuz I hated algebra 1 and barely passed with an A... But 7th grade was my off-year... NOT writing my stories would get me bad grades. I'd go insane. Well, moreso than I already am.  
**Mari Youma-** Yes, bad stuff will happen... To them, not me.

**CHAPTER NINE  
**Hell is Pink and Fluffy

The large group had long ago woke up and had been walking for at least another hour, no Shadow to be seen. Hiei seemed least concerned and at the same time totally distracted. He made some unintelligible response if somebody spoke to him and went back to zoning out. Yusuke finally declared that his detached attitude about Shadow was just a cover and that he was really searching for her every second with his Jagan.

Night was falling, they set up camp, and still no sign of the psycho half-breed girl. Eclipse muttered something about finding her shortly before falling asleep with her head on Sesshoumaru's leg.

About half an hour later, they were awakened by an odd noise, or rather, an odd variety of noises in the forest around them. There were whispers, thuds, snorts, rustles, sharp bark-like laughter, and more. One stood out, a barely distinguishable noise that had the exact same frequency as Shadow's voice. When that sound hit Hiei's ears, he stood and silently vanished into the forest.

"Wait, Hiei!" Youko said.

The sounds all got louder and more distinguished, some sounding more like voices. Then they abruptly stopped, just as Youko and Yusuke were about to enter the forest. Hiei stepped out on the other side of the path and scared the crap out of Kagome, who screeched like she was being attacked. Instantly, Inuyasha and Koga were on top of Hiei, fists back and ready to punch him.

"Don't kill me just because she's jumpy!" Hiei snapped, pushing them both off. "Jeez..."

"Sorry about that," Inuyasha said. "What was that noise?"

"Um... A bird," Hiei answered calmly, looking around at the ground distractedly like he'd dropped something.

"A bird?! What kind of bird makes that noise?" Koga asked, irritated.

"One... with feathers..." Hiei said, walking slowly around looking at the ground.

"Hiei, answer the question _right_," Youko said.

"Seriously! It was a little red bird with a tape player!" the fire demon said, finally looking at them. He got dirty looks.

"HIEI!"

Shadow came flying out of the forest and slammed into Hiei's back, hugging him and sending him face first into the dirt. "OH, HOW I MISSED YOU SO!"

"... You... Er... Um, Shadow?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot," Shadow said, getting up. She looked around the clearing. "You guys didn't see me, kay?" Then she did ballet jumps into the forest. Hiei got up and found himself surrounded by unhappy people glaring down at him.

"Um... Hi?"

"That was all Shadow, wasn't it?" Yusuke said.

"You were distracted all day talking to her through telepathy," Youko decided. "Where was she?"

"About twenty feet behind us and to our right at all times," Hiei answered, shrugging. "She was experimenting with energy masks, and it was successful. However, masking your energy does not make you invisible to eyes and a certain random demon noticed her, kidnapped her, raped her, I went and rescued her, and just now she managed to take about forty ballet classes and became a master over five minutes, because she's over there doing Swan Lake..."

Everybody looked at her, dancing to music in her head on the path about thirty feet away. She was oblivious until Miroku coughed. Then she froze, just as she landed from a jump. Slowly, she looked at them over her shoulder. Her eyes bugged to the size of dinner plates, she yelped like a frightened animal, and went running back into the forest on her hands.

"Are you sure she wasn't off smoking illegal substances?" Youko asked, looking down at Hiei skeptically.

"Pretty sure..."

"... I assume you were joking about her being raped, right?"

"Oh, no, I was serious," Hiei said, sounding dead serious. Everyone stared. "Yes, I'm kidding, you idiots!" Collective sigh of relief.

"Let's just get some sleep, then," Miroku said. "We need it."

Inuyasha and Koga slept as far away from each other as their arms and handcuffs allowed. Sesshoumaru had long ago given up on getting away from the girls (or at the moment, girl) who chained themselves (herself) to him, and was sleeping unhappily with Eclipse using his fluffy shoulder thingy as a pillow _and_ a blanket. Everyone else just scattered around and slept... someplace.

They slept through the entire night after that, and Shadow danced the entire night. ALL night. Yes. She would dance out of the forest at the back of the group, do some ballet jumps, spins, flips, and end up in the forest on the other side of the wide path. Then she'd go dancing across the path ahead of the sleeping group. Then she'd come dancing out on her tiptoes and go all around every person there, do some complex ballet move when she'd looked at everyone, then dance back into the forest on her hands. It continued like this all night, and at dawn, when Sesshoumaru was the first one awake and Koga and Hiei were awake shortly after, when it was still pretty dim and Shadow looked just like a black silhouette, she continued dancing, unaware of her spectators.

When finally the sun was up past the horizon and everyone was awake, Shadow danced into the middle of the clearing and collapsed, lying spread-eagled and panting like she'd just run one hundred miles.

"What's wrong with _her_?" Koga asked.

"Who knows," Inuyasha muttered.

"She's been dancing for the past seven hours," Youko said, yawning. "Silently. And we all know it's a lot harder to dance silently than it is to dance loudly."

"I didn't know that," Hiei muttered tiredly, rubbing at his arm where he'd slept on it funny.

"Me neither," Yusuke said, poking Shadow from a long distance away with a stick. She just lay there without moving, her tongue hanging out of her mouth but her body absolutely motionless otherwise. "Hiei, she's not breathing."

"Hhhnnn???" Hiei said tiredly, lying down again.

"I'll handle it!" Miroku said, walking forward.

"You would," said everyone in unison.

"There's no need," Youko said. "I can take care of it."

"So could I," Yusuke said.

"I said it first!" Miroku complained, glaring at Youko and Yusuke. All three were gathered around Shadow's corpse.

"So? I'm a better friend!" Youko said.

"Not from the way she reacted yesterday when you picked her up off Hiei! She ran off screaming!"

"So? She's just weird like that sometimes! She loves me, we all know it."

"She loves _Hiei_," Yusuke said. "But I guess she's kinda okay with you, too."

"If she's only 'kinda okay' with _me_, how's she with _you_?" Youko snapped.

"Just because she's not all touchy-feely with me doesn't mean I can't do CPR! What if you passed out in the middle of nowhere and stopped breathing and some hobo with some sexually transmitted disease was the only one around to save your life? Would you rather die?"

"YES!" Youko snapped. "I'd only pass out and stop breathing if there was some beautiful girl around willing to resuscitate me! What reason would I have to stop breathing otherwise?"

"Maybe if you were INJURED! And DYING!"

"I'm too good to be hurt that bad," Youko said.

"You're full of it."

"You're the one with brown eyes..."

"What?"

"Shit. It's brown. You're full of it. Get it, baka?"

"Augh! You're retarded!"

"Ooooohhhhhh! Now I get it! Ha ha... That's pretty good... Except... It's mean... Man, you're evil, Youko!"

"You're retarded, Yusuke!"

"You're ALL retarded!" Hiei snapped, sitting on the ground beside Shadow. "It's a good thing I was around or she would have suffocated to death because you're all too busy ARGUING to help her!"

Youko, Yusuke, and Miroku just stared. "No fair..."

Shadow's eyes blinked open. "Who just saved my life?"

Miroku slowly pointed to Hiei.

"THANK YOU! I HAD A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE AND HELL IS PINK AND FLUFFY! YOU RESCUED ME!" She lunged up and hugged him tightly.

"Hell is pink and fluffy?" Yusuke said cluelessly.

"Well I just assumed it was Hell. Isn't Heaven supposed to be like, wonderful? I hate pink, so if Heaven was pink, I'd rather go to Hell. At least I'd get to burn stuff..."

"I thought you didn't believe in Heaven and Hell..."

"I don't, but wouldn't it be horrible if they were real and I went to Hell and it WAS pink and fluffy? I wonder if maybe Koenma planted the image in my head. I can't think what would be worse: Living for the rest of eternity in Reikai as like, a ferry girl, or going to Hell where it's pink and fluffy. Hmm. What do you think?"

"I think now Hiei's the one that needs CPR," Youko said. Shadow looked at Hiei, suddenly realizing she'd hugged him the entire time so tightly he'd passed out.

"AHHH! I KILLED HIM! I wonder if he'll see a pink and fluffy Hell..."

"If you don't do something pretty soon, he's going to be seeing this scene from the sky, and you'll soon join him when he kills you," Yusuke said.

"SEE PEE ARE!" Shadow screamed, dropping Hiei onto his back on the ground and starting to breathe into his mouth.

"She doesn't even know what she's doing," Youko muttered.

"I'm not doing it for her," Miroku said, holding his hands in the air. "That's reserved for the pretty girls."

"Hiei could be a pretty girl, couldn't he? If you did something with his hair, muscles, and death glare... Put on some make-up and throw him in a pink frilly dress? Wouldn't he look the part of an innocent little girl?" Yusuke said. Everybody stared at him.

"That's like saying we should put Kagome in Hiei's outfit and make her jump around with a sword," Inuyasha said.

"Only about forty thousand times worse," Youko added as Hiei coughed.

"I guess there'll be no need, then," Yusuke said. "He lives."

"No need for what?" Hiei asked.

"No need to put make up on you and force you to wear a pink frilly dress so Miroku will give you CPR."

Hiei stared in horror before going totally limp again, unconscious.

"YOU KILLED HIM BEFORE HE COULD TELL ME IF HELL IS PINK AND FLUFFY FOR HIM, TOO!"

"Who's to say Hiei'd go to Hell?" Miroku asked.

"If I'm goin' to Hell, Hiei's coming with me," Shadow snapped. "_He's_ the ex-assassin bandit person..."

"True."

"Aren't you tired after dancing silently for seven hours?" Youko asked abruptly.

"OH MY GOD, YOU'RE RIGHT!" Shadow instantly collapsed next to Hiei and started sleeping with a slight snore.

"How interesting..."

"Yes, to say the least."

"What're we gonna do with them?"

"Feed them to that oversized frog demon over there."

"FROG WHERE?" Eclipse screamed, jumping up and looking around wildly. "I SEE NO FROG! DAMN YOU, ALFONZO!"

"Alfonzo...?"

"YES, ALFONZO! IT'S YOUR NAME BECAUSE YOU MADE ME THINK THERE WAS A FROG WHEN THERE WASN'T!"

Youko blinked. "I don't like that name, though."

"Shut up, Alfonzo!"

"It's English."

"So? It's Alfonzo!"

"But... I already have a name."

"SO DOES MY BOLOGNA! MY BOLOGNA HAS A FIRST NAME, IT'S O-S-C-A-R! AND MY BOLOGNA HAS A SECOND NAME, IT'S--"

"I'll kick your ass into next Tuesday if you finish that," Youko snarled.

"Meyer?"

"I HATE YOU!"

"But Oscar Meyer has a way with b-o-l-o-g-n-a!" Eclipse whined, running from the club-toting fox.

"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!"

"I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener! That is what I really wanna be! Cuz if I was an Oscar Meyer wiener, everyone would be in love with me!!!" Eclipse yelled threateningly, suddenly sitting on the opposite side of the group and about twenty meters down the path. Youko looked around and spotted her.

"YOU!" He tore after her. She yelped, jumping in the air, and ran.

"...Oscar Meyer?" Inuyasha questioned. Then he blinked and looked to his right. "Shit!"

He was once against chained to his dear-and-loving brother. Sesshoumaru looked down at him and groaned.

"Why me?"

"Why _me_?!" Koga asked pathetically, still chained to Inuyasha's left wrist. "What if we have to FIGHT something?!"

"We won't have to fight..." Sesshoumaru said. "As long as one of those two girls is conscious, we won't have to fight. Shadow got shot and was oblivious to the pain for the next two days unless somebody pointed it out..."

Koga stared. "... How did she do that?"

"She's so stupid, the nerve endings in her brain don't connect properly with the rest of her body and she feels no pain unless somebody tells her brain that there's something wrong with her body and she's supposed to feel pain from it."

Koga stared. "... Really?"

"Yes, really," the brothers said in unison. Then they glared at each other.

"Shut up," they said in unison. "I said it first! STOP IT!"

They glared at each other until sparks flew out their eyes. Koga stared with a sweat drop. Miroku was torn between watching Youko chase after Eclipse and watching Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha argue like little children, almost like _normal_ brothers would. Sango and Kagome just stared at Inuyasha and his brother, their eyes twitching. Yusuke and Kuwabara were watching Eclipse get pummeled, Hiei and Shadow were asleep, and, of course, Youko was pummeling Eclipse. Shippou and Kirara were still sitting on the black horse Koi's back.

"Erm... So are we gonna like... travel... at all today...?" Kuwabara asked finally. Youko walked back to the main part of the group dragging Eclipse by her leg.

"Let's go."

"What about those two?" Yusuke asked, pointing at Hiei and Shadow.

"Wake them up if you can, if not, toss 'em over the back of that highly useful war horse Shadow decided to bring along," Youko replied, all problems solved. He dropped Eclipse on the ground next to Shadow. "Find something to do with her and her Oscar Meyer wieners..."

"Right..." Yusuke knelt beside Hiei and jabbed him in the chest a few times. "Hey, wake up! The world's coming to an end and only you can save us!"

"Do you really think he wants to save you?" Youko asked.

"Yes! We're friends!"

"Psh. Whatever."

"Fine! Hiei! Wake up! Quick! Some demon just came and beat us all into the ground and kidnapped Shadow and Yukina!"

Hiei's eyes opened slowly. "Yukina's not even here, you baka."

"Why would he care anyway?" Kuwabara asked. Yusuke ignored him.

"If Shadow and Yukina were both kidnapped by different demons and held in different places, who would you have a higher priority on rescuing?"

"What!?"

"Well, Shadow's your girlfriend and Yukina's your--"

Hiei's hand was on Yusuke's throat. "Finish that sentence and I'll tear open your neck."

"Okay, okay, jeez!" Yusuke said. He waited until Hiei had relaxed a bit before he asked again. "So who would you rescue first?"

"Yusuke! Leave me alone!"

Kuwabara was now giving them both funny looks. "What's Yukina to Hiei?"

"Shut up, Kuwabara," Yusuke said distractedly, looking at Hiei for an answer.

"Who do you _think_?" Hiei snapped finally.

"I don't know. You tell me."

"Yusuke, this is a stupid question and I refuse to answer in the presence of _that_," Hiei said, jabbing his finger against Kuwabara's forehead.

"Kuwabara, get lost."

"No!"

"Fine!" Yusuke dragged Hiei to the edge of the forest. "Answer!"

"I don't see why you couldn't guess on your own..."

"You'd probably rescue Shadow first."

"No I wouldn't, idiot! Shadow can fend for herself better than Yukina. I'd send Kurama after her if that situation ever occurred. Now, if you down mind..." The little fire demon pushed past Yusuke and went to Shadow. He kicked her in the ribs. "Wake up, stupid!"

"What have you and Yukina got to do with each other?" Kuwabara asked.

Hiei glared at Yusuke. "Look what you did, baka!" The boy smiled innocently and shrugged.

"Oops!"

"Yeah, _oops_, you friggin' idiot!"

Meanwhile, the feudal-era-natives and Kagome were discussing who Yukina could possibly be to infuriate him so much.

"Maybe she's his ex-girlfriend," Miroku said. "But he still has feelings for her." (AHH!)

"He said he'd rescue her before he'd rescue Shadow, though," Inuyasha said quietly. "Wouldn't he rescue his current girlfriend before he bothered with his ex?"

"Not if you're any example," Kagome muttered.

"What?"

"You still obsess over Kikyo all the time!"

"This isn't about me and Kikyo! This is about Hiei and Yukina!"

"Who's Kikyo?" Youko said distractedly.

"What do you know about Yukina?!" Hiei snapped at them.

"Not much. Is she your ex-girlfriend?"

Hiei's eyes widened. Yusuke and Youko instantly saw the need to pounce on him and pin him to the ground, and that's exactly what they did.

"I take that as a 'no'..." Miroku muttered as Hiei struggled insanely.

"I have no idea what's going on! Why is Hiei so protective and sensitive about my darling Yukina?!" Kuwabara wailed stupidly.

"Look what you did!" Hiei yelled at Yusuke. "Look what you did! Now I have to wipe his memory! AGAIN!"

"What?!" Kuwabara said. "_My_ memory? Again? You've wiped my memory _before_? How dare you? Let him up, guys, I'm gonna beat him!"

"Kuwabara, I don't really think--"

"No, go on, I won't hurt him," Hiei said honestly. Then he added as an afterthought, "Much."

Youko sighed. "Let him up..." He got up, Yusuke got up, Hiei got up, and Kuwabara stomped forward.

"Draw your sword and fight me like a man!"

"Over what?"

"You wiped my memory and I want it back!"

"No you don't, actually..." Hiei said. "It was for the best. If you still had the memories I'd erased, I'd be forced to kill you. I'm sorry."

Kuwabara glared. "Gimme my memory back! Stop messing with my mind!"

"What mind?" Youko, Hiei, and Yusuke said in unison. Kuwabara glared indignantly.

"That's not nice!"

"Who cares," Hiei said dryly. He proceeded to erase every memory Kuwabara had of the past five or so minutes.

"Huh?" Kuwabara said cluelessly.

"Now then," Hiei said, walking back to Shadow and poking her in the ribs with his shoe. "Wake up, Shadow, we need to get going."

Shadow's eyes fluttered open and she looked at him tiredly. "But Hell is pink and fluffy..."

"I know, I saw it too when you strangled me to death. Now get up, we have to leave," Hiei said.

"You saw it too?" Shadow said excitedly. "Way cool! I'm not alone! Let's go!" She jumped up and nearly stepped on Eclipse. "Wait, what happened to _her_?"

"Youko beat the shit out of her," Yusuke said.

"Youko!" Shadow said angrily. "That was uncalled for!"

The next think the fox knew, he was chained to Koga.

"Oh, no, Shadow, this will not work," he said. "Get this thing off me this instant."

"No! You pummeled Eclipse!" Shadow said, tossing Eclipse over the back of the horse. It snorted unhappily at her. "Deal with it."

"Was that directed at me... or the horse?" Youko asked curiously to no one in particular.

"This is just ridiculous," Inuyasha said. So now, it was Sesshoumaru on the far right, Inuyasha to his left, Koga on _his_ left, and Youko was last.

"But it's what you all deserve!" Shadow said.

"I don't deserve this!" they all said simultaneously, then glared at each other for saying it at the same time, and broke into an argument.

"That's just weird," Hiei said.

"Do you know what else is weird?" came a stranger's voice. They all looked to the origin point, a few feet into the forest. "Inuyasha... You have some new friends."

A man dressed in a white baboon fur stepped out of the forest.

"IT'S A MONKEY!" Shadow screamed, hiding behind Sesshoumaru. "HIDE ME!"

"Naraku!" Inuyasha and Koga said in unison. (There's been lots of unison in this chapter...)

"Who?" Yusuke said cluelessly.

"'Who?'" Naraku repeated. "You mean you haven't told them about me?"

"Why didn't we sense him?!" everybody was scolding themselves. They finally decided on the answer and pointed at Shadow, simultaneously saying in a monotone: "Distraction."

"Well then, I must say, I find this situation most amusing..." Naraku said. "The elder brother, the half-breed, and the wolf."

The three glared.

"Who are your new friends? More jewel-shard seeking fools? I'll have to dispose of them as well..."

"Dispose of? As in kill?" Shadow said, jumping up and standing a few feet in font of Naraku. "I do not permit it!"

Naraku laughed loudly. "You are weak, girl!"

Shadow glared, and in a poof of smoke, she was suddenly wearing a heavy black leather trench coat, dark sunglasses, and knee-high steel-toed boots. Naraku just stared.

"What is this odd attire?"

"MY OUTFIT... of _Doom..._" Shadow said eerily. "You will suffer, monkey man..."

There was a pause. Naraku's quiet chuckle built to an all-out hysterical laugh, but Shadow just kept glaring behind her dark reflective glasses.

"Go on... Laugh at your doom..."

"Shadow..." Hiei said, taking a step.

"STAY BACK! I will handle this monkey man!"

"I don't think this guy is the same as that Umidori guy you fought..."

"So? I can beat him!" Shadow said, pulling out a sword. "I'm all-mighty like that."

Naraku just kept laughing, harder at each comment she made.

"Shadow, get away," Sesshoumaru said. "Naraku is not one for you to deal with."

"Fluffy, I respect your judgement and all, but I'm fighting this guy, arright?"

"No! Not 'arright,' Shadow!" Inuyasha said. "He'll kill you!"

"Listen to the hanyou, girl," Naraku said. Shadow glared. She took a swing at him with her sword and missed horribly. Startled for a second by the miss, it was only Hiei's interference that saved her from being impaled through the back.

"Shadow, look what you started!" Hiei snapped, having cut off the tentacle thing Naraku had nearly killed her with. It started to move and he stamped on it with his heel.

"Heehee... Oops," Shadow said, grinning apologetically.

"**OOPS?! YOU SAY OOPS? LIKE 'OOPS' SOLVES EVERYTHING?!**"

"Well what do you expect?!"

"I expect you both to die!" Naraku shot his weird tentacles out at them. They lunged in opposite directions, the tentacles followed.

"SHA-DOW!" Hiei yelled angrily. A tentacle caught the girl's arm.

"LEGGO MY EGG... uh, ARM!" Shadow screamed, slashing wildly at the tentacle that was squeezing her arm painfully. Yusuke leapt to her side and grabbed it, crushing it in his fist.

"If you don't die from this guy, Hiei's going to kill you," he said under his breath, pulling her away from the tentacles.

Hiei swung his sword down at Naraku's head. It split him down the middle, and Hiei glared furiously at the... em... Authoress mind blank, but for lack of better term, the voodoo doll that had allowed Naraku to appear.

"It was fake!"

(I forget how they worked exactly....... Deal with it.)

"You mean there wasn't really a monkey guy?" Shadow asked cluelessly, rubbing her arm, her trench coat and sunglasses gone.

"No. He's used them before," Sango said. "Naraku is a very powerful being. It's also a very, very long story and it's pointless to tell you because if your luck is good, you'll be going home soon and you'll never need to be here again..."

"Good point! Let's go!" Yusuke said. They managed to start down the trail. Hiei fell back to Shadow's side and first hit her in the head and reprimanded her for her stupidity, then asked her how her arm felt.

"My arm? It kinda hurts, I guess, but nothing that can't be magically fixed by sleep," Shadow said.

"Nice to hear, I suppose," Hiei replied.

"So happy you were concerned, at least..."

"Hey, Shadow!" Youko said, dragging along his chained companions to catch up to her.

"Yeah?"

"GET THIS CHAIN THE HELL OFF ME RIGHT NOW BEFORE I BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU!"

Shadow twitched. "Hiei... My health just got worse."

"It'll get a hell of a lot MORE worse if you don't get this chain off me!" Youko snapped.

"But you pummeled Eclipse. You deserve--"

"I'LL PUMMEL _YOU_!!!"

"WITH HELP!" Koga added.

"I feel cornered," Shadow said.

"You SHOULD!"

"Don't involve me with--AUGH!" Sesshoumaru was cut off as Shadow started running and the fox and wolf went after her. The brothers were dragged behind whether they liked it or not.

"This is gonna be a long next few days," Yusuke sighed.

"And just imagine if we still can't get home once we reach the well," Hiei said.

"Oh, please don't make me think of that..."

**- - -**

**One more short chapter and it's done. I already have the last chapter finished, I just want more reviews so I'm not posting it instantly. :grin:**


	10. Clean Bras Make Me Happy

**(10-10-04)  
This story has 202 reviews. I appreciate all you reader people. Hugs for all... From somebody other than me. I'll hire somebody to hug you cuz I don't like human contact. Kay? :)  
Pyschopathic Maniac Girl- **Don't worry there, there's definitely more stories coming... I have no life. No lifemore stories.  
**Hedi Dracona-** As am I, thus the insanity of the story...  
**Risika Karew-** Yes I am evil... But I post the last chapter the next day, so be happy.  
**C. C. C.-** Well we all know it's very important to the civilized world that you're happy, right? Maybe it's important to the uncivilized world, too. I don't know these things. But I'm happy that you're happy... Or... whatever.  
**Shessha's Crazy-** I was very upset by Toboe's death even though I knew it was coming. It was kinda sad and happy and sadistically funny at the same time.  
**sanzoeclipsekuramaarehot-** Eep! Okay! :hides, then scoffs: Psshh. Like I'm scared of _you_... :grins evilly and dances away:  
**Kuramakicksass-** If I go to Hell, it'll be pink and fluffy. I believe Hell is what you despise most (therefore it'd be pink and fluffy for me, and full of like... Orangutans. PINK orangutans. And psychotic drooling fangirls. Wearing pink. Drooling over Hiei. :snarl:).  
**xkuroxshinobix-** Okay, okay...  
**Mari Youma-** Unison IS funny.  
**Sugarmaster15-** I'm confused now.  
**HanyouToni-** Um... Okay. Frosty the Hitman...? Dare I ask?  
**Drew Poche'- **This chapter's only like, 1,500 words... So not much happens. Or maybe it does.  
**Onward to the short chapter with the scary name. Oh yes, I feel like putting a warning, so...  
Warning: Use of the 'f' word and discussion of sex, genitals, and clean bras.**

**CHAPTER TEN  
**"Clean Bras Make Me Happy"

"Well... Here's the well."

They were all gathered around the said well.

"Who volunteers?" Yusuke said.

"Shadow does!" Youko said cheerfully, holding Shadow's unconscious carcass above the well by her shirt.

"I can't believe she's still unconscious," Hiei sighed. "How hard did you hit her?"

"No harder than usual..."

"But Koga had his two cents..."

Youko paused. "Wait. She woke up shortly after being pummeled and found me rummaging through her clothes for the key..."

Hiei stared, wide-eyed. "You got in her bra?"

"Well, after I didn't find it there, I frisked her and eventually found it in her pocket..."

"YOU DID WHAT?!" Hiei screamed. "YOU MEAN THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOKED WAS HER POCKET? YOU PSYCHOTIC, DISGUSTING PERVERT!"

"Well, but..."

Youko was saved of excuse-making by a sudden appearance of Koenma, who startled the fox so bad with his abrupt shout of "Good news everyone!" that he dropped Shadow into the well. There was no thud at the end.

"No thud?" they all said, peering into the darkness at the bottom of the well.

"No thud," Koenma confirmed. "I just came to tell you that I successfully removed the barrier between times, so you guys can come home."

"It took you four days?"

"It doesn't really matter. If I'd had it down before now, you wouldn't have even been at the well to go home! So don't complain!" Koenma snapped.

"Right."

"Well... Right now, Shadow's lying unconscious in the bottom of the well at Higurashi Shrine, so I suppose somebody should do something about that," Hiei said dryly. "And NOT _YOU_, Fox! Friggin' pervert..." He put one hand on the edge of the well and swung his legs over, dropping down and going through the barrier.

"What'd you do?" Koenma asked.

"Long... long story..." Youko muttered.

In the present, Hiei landed in the bottom of the well and found Shadow was not there. He looked up. She was hanging from the top.

"Move, Hiei! I need to go back and say bye to Fluffy!"

"What?!"

Shadow dropped. Hiei, standing in the bottom of the well, plastered himself to the side as Shadow vanished.

In the past, she came flying up out of the well and lunged over several people to get to Sesshoumaru, who, surprisingly, had _chosen_ to travel to the well with them without being chained to anyone, purely because he wanted to see if they'd been telling the truth when they'd informed him of the whole future deal...

She flew to him and hugged him. "I WILL MISS YOU, OH GREAT LORD SESSHOUMARU!"

He just stood there, finally deciding to pat her on the head awkwardly a couple times.

"Okay... Bye," he said, prying her away from him.

"Won't you miss me?"

"Um... I'll never forget you," Sesshoumaru said, then added under his breath, "No matter how much I wish I could..."

"I'd like to trade you in for Youko," Shadow said. "You're a lot nicer."

"Hey..." Youko said pathetically, sounding hurt.

"Shadow," Koenma said. "Stop hugging people."

"Shut up, Koenma!" Shadow stepped away and waved to everyone. "Bye guys! Bye, Koga who just loves me so much! Bye Inuyasha and Miroku, who I'd actually also consider trading for Youko! Bye girls and Shippou and little cat critter!"

Shadow made a great show of stepping into the well, a superhero's exit. Once she was gone, Miroku stared curiously.

"I wonder how she woke up so fast," he said. "She was out for several days before suddenly waking up..."

"She sensed Youko's presence was absent after she got home," Yusuke said. "It made her happy."

"What about that horse?!" Kagome said suddenly.

"Don't let Shadow remember it!" Yusuke said. "Everyone in the well, we're going home! It was nice meeting you all, fun while it lasted, um... Bye!" He jumped down the well, Kuwabara followed, then went Eclipse and Youko.

"Well, that's that," Miroku said after Koenma had gone.

"Yeah..."

Sesshoumaru was already walking away.

"Bye, _Fluffy_," Inuyasha taunted. His brother stopped, then turned and glared.

"Just because I've been traveling with you for the past week and a half doesn't mean I don't still hate you."

"Of course. I'll keep that in mind."

Sesshoumaru vanished into the forest.

"He's really not all that bad," Kagome observed.

"He has a heart under all that," Miroku added, smiling slightly.

"Alright, alright, enough mooshy observations," Inuyasha said. "Let's get going. We've got to find more Jewel Shards."

"Not quite yet," Kagome said. "I haven't been home for quite some time..." Before Inuyasha could protest, she jumped down the well.

"There she goes again," Miroku sighed. Inuyasha fumed.

Meanwhile, at Higurashi shrine, the Reikai tantei were all out of the well, arguing and shouting and screaming and strangling and pummeling each other like good friends do. Mostly it was Shadow and Youko.

"Hey! What's going on in here?!" Kagome's grandpa, the old man who'd been telling them about the well when the entire thing had started, came rushing to the shrine. Everyone froze and stared in dead silence. With a poof of smoke, Youko went from his beautiful sexy self to the body of Shuichi Minamino, who is also beautiful and sexy, but a good bit more human.

"Hey! Somebody help me up, please!" Kagome shouted from inside the well. "Is anyone there?"

Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Kurama peered over the edge of the well. "Could I have some help?" she repeated, quieter this time. She started up the ladder (there's a ladder, right?) and Kurama helped her over the edge. She looked at him.

"Wait, you're..."

"I wasn't around. You guys were dealing with Youko the entire time."

"Youko is his vulgar, perverted, yet, _more dangerous_, other self," Shadow said through clenched teeth. "And if I see him any time in the next month, he'll be crawling around on the ground searching for his head."

"Kagome!" the old man said happily. "I'm glad you're here! I've been trying to think of a new illness for your excuses to the school, but I think I've used them all!"

"Tell them a poisonous plant came in contact with her skin and she has a horrid rash," Shadow said. "Or, or, tell them, tell them, um, yeah! Tell them that she has a bad case of sudden acute sinus claustrophobia! Or a slowly building case of an allergic reaction to POTATOES! Then there's always..."

Shadow continued rambling. Kurama blinked.

"Why don't you tell them she has a migraine?" he suggested. Shadow silenced instantly and stared.

"That is a fucking _good idea_!"

Kurama sighed. "The cussing wasn't necessary."

"Yes it _was_!" Shadow said, still in the awed tone. Kurama just sighed again.

"If you say so."

"I _do!_" she said, again in the same tone.

"... Let's go home," Kurama said, grabbing the back of Shadow's collar as he walked by, spinning her around and walking up the stairs dragging her.

"You know, Kurama, if all your educational trips end up turning into a two-week trip to the past, I think we should go on more," Eclipse said, nodding.

"I don't," Hiei said firmly. Shadow was busy rambling, singing, and being painfully dragged down several dozen stairs to add in her two cents worth, or she would have.

"That was really rude of you, Kurama... Just leaving without saying bye to Kagome or saying anything to that old guy..." Kuwabara said.

"We already _said_ bye to Kagome, and if it's deathly important that the old man knows what happened, she can tell him. He's _her_ grandfather, after all."

"... You're not in a very good mood, are you?"

"No. So shut up."

"Right."

Several hours later...

Shadow came running down the stairs. "Clean bras make me _hap-py_!"

Hiei didn't even bother dignifying that with a verbal response. He just stared at her for a second before putting the bookmark back in his book and walking away, leaving her to sing and wave around a clean bra.

"What? Do you find me embarrassing? We're the only ones in the house. I'm very happy to be home and able to take a shower with hot, clean, running water, what with my soap and shampoo and towel! Girls need more maintenance than guys, even a girl like me. You, Hiei, can stand wearing the same clothes for two weeks without cleaning them, even if you fought and sweated and bled all over them. _I_, on the other hand... I happen to find it gross that I couldn't shower for two weeks and I smelled a lot like Hobo Joe who sits on the street corner with his harmonica... What do you have to say to that?"

"I'm glad you at least have a few feminine traits aside from your looks," Hiei replied, "because if any girl can go two weeks without showering or changing her clothes and is completely fine with that, even after being shot and bleeding all over the place, that's just disgusting and she needs a lobotomy or something."

"Yes I have feminine traits! What, did you think I was like, a man trapped in a sexy female body? Ewww, and you've kissed me! That means you like kissing MEN!"

"What?!" Hiei yelped. "I have never kissed another man in my life!"

"Oh. Okay. That's good to know. Because if I suddenly found out one day that I'd been living with a gay dude for the past two years, I'd be bothered by that just a little... Okay, maybe more than a little... Maybe a lot. Because... For all I'd know, he was having an affair with my other guy friends, like the one who looks like a girl, or the one who has a girlfriend, or-- Well, I almost said the one who has a major crush on his sister, but that's Kuwabara and if I accused you of fucking Kuwabara, I'd be dead, wouldn't I?"

"Yes, Shadow. You would be dead so fast..."

"Unless I used my wily feminine charm to seduce you then use that to my advantage as I tear off your genitals and run away laughing maniacally."

She noticed Hiei's slight nervous shift to better guard his precious...

Well, you know what I'm talking about.

"You wouldn't do that," Hiei said nervously, not sounding completely sure.

"I know. Because I'd never accuse you of having feral animal sex with Kuwabara, and therefore wouldn't have to think my way out of death in the split nano-second that I'd have to live afterwards."

Hiei just stared for a second. "Right. I'm gonna go... um... away." He turned around and left. Shadow blinked, then looked at the bra she was holding. With a stupid smile, she randomly decided she wanted to wear it on her head, so she did just that, and proceeded to dance away and follow Hiei up the stairs.

Every person Shadow and Eclipse had met in the Warring States Era was mentally scarred for life by the psychotic girls. Sesshoumaru especially, who had to take a long vacation from harassing his little brother. He decided to wander around and look for Rin, since she had no part in this story and a few people asked about her. Inuyasha and his friends went about their shard seeking and all that fun stuff they do on a day-to-day basis.

The Reikai Tantei from the present years went about their regular OOC lives, and Shadow and Eclipse went about their... lives... There is no word to describe their lives. Not normal, weird is an understatement, and OOC is stupid because I'M the one who established their personalities and therefore they cannot act OOC. Unless one of them is actually smart for once.

Anyhow...

Owari!

- - -

**The end. Worry not, I have another story done completely and yet another after that which I'm working on chapter one of... If that made sense. Ja mata!**


End file.
